Family and Friends Forum

lifesnotokay1919

Member since
May 2021

11 posts

Posted Wed May 19, 2021 5:11pmReport post

Hello, just looking for some advice

back story, partner was arrested for possession of IIOC, cat c &b, originally after the arrest I said he won't be seeing the children as I had to move me and the kids 2.5 hrs away as I had no support or friend were we were. After calming down and talking to him, I feel like I acted to hasty.
his bail conditions state he can't have any contact at all with anyone under 18, I asked SS if he could have some sort of supervised visits, and they said they can't do anything till he goes court?!! Which going from these posts could takes months and months, and we're only a month in as it is. Is there anything I can do to help this??

BelleBee

Member since
April 2020

149 posts

Posted Wed May 19, 2021 5:40pmReport post

Hi there,

it seems that different Local authorities have their own rules - some will allow supervised contact and others don't. I sometimes think that it's easier for them to say no contact at all because then they don't have to worry about the children. You are right though - it could be a very long time until he goes to court. My husband was allowed 4 hours of supervised contact a day with mine (but we were in the middle of lockdown). I would definitely contact SS if you feel that this should be changed.
take care x

Rainbowgirl80

Member since
May 2020

204 posts

Posted Wed May 19, 2021 6:06pmReport post

Hi hunny

So sorry to hear this... I've been on this forum almost a year and it's probably only the second time I've heard ss say no contact until court. That could be months if not a couple of years down the line.

If you haven't already then I would call the family rights group for advice. They have a freephone helpline and are very knowledgeable. Xx

Mindful

Member since
January 2021

50 posts

Posted Wed May 19, 2021 9:20pmReport post

My ex partner is not allowed any contact with either of his children either. He's deemed high risk.

lifesnotokay1919

Member since
May 2021

11 posts

Posted Wed May 19, 2021 10:03pmReport post

Thank you replying Ladies.

do you know if his bail conditions could be changed when he answers bail?
Midful- do you mind me asking what your ex partner had done.
xx

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Thu May 20, 2021 12:23pmReport post

Sounds like not all SS are consistent. In my partner's case because his ex was against him seeing the kids he tried to get visitation rights whilst under investigation. But the courts said they couldn't allow that until he was charged (which took two years) and has now had to start the whole process again.

My general understanding is yes the SS would wish for no contact but can't really say no at all unless the offender is a high risk- but there are methods to manage it.

From what I have seen on the forum parents who are willing for their kids to see their parents who are under investigation or sentenced they tend to have some sort of arrangement. But again might be case by case. It isn't ideal but my partner is requesting supervised visitation through a centre to mitigate any concern, but they have been treating him like by asking for supervision he is admitting he is a threat....but he has a SHPO that states he has to be supervised anyway.

What ever you decide it might be worth looking into counselling for the kids to manage visitation since it will be a bit of a shock. My partner hasnt seen or heard from his kids in over four years now....if he does get contact it will be hard to get the kids to readjust

Rusty123

Member since
October 2020

172 posts

Posted Tue May 25, 2021 7:19pmReport post

We are a no contact family now because SS say so my oldest are not bothered but my youngest still asks for him I've asked for contact supervised of course for the youngest and his dad as he's too young to understand any of it. I've even said a SW could be present instead of me but it's a no from them. 7months in and no court date set yet.

Edited Tue May 25, 2021 7:20pm

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Fri May 28, 2021 1:22pmReport post

It's a shame the SW won't even allow supervised contact when you are willing for it to happen and managed. I suspect SS is too stretched to supervise. Hence why my partner is trying to go through a contact centre that have people there trained to supervise. As far as we are aware SS are not even involved in the family court case. We let them know that the case is in hand but they haven't provided any comment. Has all been through CAFCASS.

Sounds like you may have to wait until sentencing to get something sorted.

Big hugs