Family and Friends Forum

Hi Agnes.



give the helpline a call they are pretty good at giving you the info. But when I asked the other day they basically said if it's more than a week you are in the clear pretty much. Not sure if that's guaranteed though.



if you don't mind - could you tell me what your partners charges were to get that sentence? I'm in the early days and holding onto every bit of hope my hubby will only get a suspended sentence too.



Thanks

Hi Agnes!



My hubby was in court and there was no media there at all, we thought we were in clear. Then two weeks later it was published in the local paper. So I'd give it a couple of weeks. Fingers crossed for you it isn't published.



Blue x

I feel for all those who have this published in the press. Who does this benefit! Nobody! I am not condoning these offences and Yes individuals should be punished, my son was cautioned with restrictions , but why punish the family to, by Going to press, Its like a Tsunami ripple effect and every family member suffers also .

Agnes.



your husband could be my husband! in relation to both the online offence (we don't know if it was a police decoy yet but the solicitor thinks so based on messages). my husband has also been going online for years and has an addiction to going online to speak to women - ironically usually women 20-30 years his senior!! It's an amazingly similar story and thank you for sharing as it gives me some hope.



ive learnt in the past week that this has been going on since he was 14 and steamed from childhood abuse. So we are in the throws of now getting him both help for the addiction, help for why on earth he carried on after knowing the girl was underage (especially as it's not typical behaviour) and getting him councelling for his childhood trauma. It's definitely been a long old week.



we have been together 8 years and married 2.5 years and I would never ever have guessed he had this secret side of him. He says he hates it and had actually (for the 100th time) deleted the apps and stuff prior to arrest - but this time with help we can get it to stick.



don't blame you on the "me time". And I hope all works out for you in the end. Don't let anyone pressure you into what to do. It's your life and you will know what's best for you no matter what it is. I'm 5 months pregnant so for me the decision to support my husband is easy - my daughter to be, deserves a dad that is whole and healthy and i do think he deserves the help and support he has needed desperately for years. I'm sure there will be those that judge me for this but I know I'm doing the best for me and my daughter right now

I really hope this doesn't end up in the papers. Let us know but I have everything crossed for you.



sending you love and I'm so pleased it's nearly over for you.

Hi Agnes.



absolutely. Maybe we can find a safe way to connect at some point, if not here is as good a place as any.



have you had a look at "recovery nation". It's an American website that has recovery tools for sex addicts. But it also has a partner section. The partner and addict "workshops" are free tools and advise. The partner one focuses on healing from the betrayal rather than helping the addict (though that is part of it if you want to).
I've started with them over the last few days and I can say it's already having some affect to make me understand how on earth I could have missed it and how I can possibly begin to heal after this betrayal.

did you say you first found out April 2020? So just about a year? I'm going between hoping it's as quick as it was for you so it's over, and hoping (selfishly) it's longer so that I'm not on maternity leave incase he gets prison time or loses his job (so far he has been told by police he doesn't need to tell them as not charged and nothing in contract to say he has to tell them. He also obviously doesn't work with or near children). Financially this couldn't come at a worse time and I'm also just hoping social services will allow him to be around (first meetings have taken place and been quite positive so far).

it's certainly a rollercoaster at the moment. Trying to enjoy pregnancy and look forward to baby being here but working on getting hubby to be ok (very worried about his mental health) and having to think about how ill afford the mortgage if he goes and how I can cope with a newborn and social services is all quite a lot to deal with!



take care.

We had knock on the door 2 weeks ago. We are both well aware it is very much early days, but reading all the information police have provided and seeing these forums - it really scares us about the press coverage. We already live in fear of his ex (and mother of his children) and her family "hitting" out on public / online, as they are in complete disbelief and understandably incredibly hurt and full of hatred for my partner.

I am also finding it very difficult as I work in property law. Has anyone had experience where the horrible ripple effect spreads to their jobs, because of association (ie staying with your other half no matter their guilt)????

Its tearing me apart to be there for him, he has been completely honest and open since arrest, and Yet should I protect myself as when all this is public knowledge - and the press make their own story out of bare facts, as they don't understand the situation (so many of you have mentioned porn addiction and falling into the trap - that's such a relief to know he's not the only one). I'm at complete loss how to protect ourselves.