Trying to live life afterwards
Notifications OFF
We had our knock on the door last september. My partner was arrested for sexual communication with a child. He was at work that day, I was at home alone with my then 18 mth old. That day changed our lives forever that day. He has since been cautioned and placed on the regsister for 2 years. No other evidance was found against him apart from text messages. Now we are coping with life afterwards, how do I do this? He has had to move out, I feel angry he has put me through this, I am fighting to see my other children, my family arent speaking to him anymore. He has been classed as low risk by his MASO, we are hoping he can move back in with us when he is off the regsister and after he has had a specialised assesment done by social workers. How do I ever have a life afterwards? Will the anger go? The trust ever come back? Is this the right thing to do? Is there any hope for life together after this? Can you ever move on?
Hi,
Apologies for being no use! I find it really difficult to answer your questions as everyone's journey along this awful road is so different.
Personally, I am no longer with my ex. However, our relationship had been suffering anyhow and I think a separation was inevitable.
I think trust needs to be rebuilt and for me that is going to take a long time! I need to see a sustained period of rehabilitation (which he is doing) and for him to continue addressing the reasons he ended up here (addiction, mental health).
Keep communicating and make sure you are supported. I've found a lot of focus on him but in the background I'm there dealing with everything whilst also adapting to single parent life!
Xx
Apologies for being no use! I find it really difficult to answer your questions as everyone's journey along this awful road is so different.
Personally, I am no longer with my ex. However, our relationship had been suffering anyhow and I think a separation was inevitable.
I think trust needs to be rebuilt and for me that is going to take a long time! I need to see a sustained period of rehabilitation (which he is doing) and for him to continue addressing the reasons he ended up here (addiction, mental health).
Keep communicating and make sure you are supported. I've found a lot of focus on him but in the background I'm there dealing with everything whilst also adapting to single parent life!
Xx
Heya Jelly head,
Well done for speaking out about your feelings on this. I am constantly thinking about how you 'move on', how you live life in a normalish capacity?
Honestly, the anger may not go, it may go in time, it may come and go, it's the same for forgiveness.
It all really depends on you, which is a horrible thought. Why should you have been put in this situation?
My husband is still under investigation and still lives with me as we have no kids. I understand from what I know why my husband did what he did. Although when the time comes I am going to ask to see the full case file from the police/lawyer or atleast be there.
Knowledge is power.
Ive been with my husband for a while and he's made several mistakes in our time together. We've talked about them countless times and it's still a struggle to forgive but atleast I understand. Also this doesn't mean it hurts anyless. I didn't leave because I was young and niave at the time too but now I haven't left because frustratingly and stupidly enough I love my husband. He's taken small steps to improve but it's a constant battle, another thing I've learned from this.
You have to take it day by day if you want to remain with your husband. Don't make any big plans. Make sure they're taking steps to improve themselves, their mental health...
One thing I'd advise, take time to do the stuff YOU love to do... This doesn't just have to be about him. You do the thing you love and want to do, that make you happy from time to time. If you want to remain in the marriage, you'll have to work on things together.
Goodluck to you, were always here to help.
Well done for speaking out about your feelings on this. I am constantly thinking about how you 'move on', how you live life in a normalish capacity?
Honestly, the anger may not go, it may go in time, it may come and go, it's the same for forgiveness.
It all really depends on you, which is a horrible thought. Why should you have been put in this situation?
My husband is still under investigation and still lives with me as we have no kids. I understand from what I know why my husband did what he did. Although when the time comes I am going to ask to see the full case file from the police/lawyer or atleast be there.
Knowledge is power.
Ive been with my husband for a while and he's made several mistakes in our time together. We've talked about them countless times and it's still a struggle to forgive but atleast I understand. Also this doesn't mean it hurts anyless. I didn't leave because I was young and niave at the time too but now I haven't left because frustratingly and stupidly enough I love my husband. He's taken small steps to improve but it's a constant battle, another thing I've learned from this.
You have to take it day by day if you want to remain with your husband. Don't make any big plans. Make sure they're taking steps to improve themselves, their mental health...
One thing I'd advise, take time to do the stuff YOU love to do... This doesn't just have to be about him. You do the thing you love and want to do, that make you happy from time to time. If you want to remain in the marriage, you'll have to work on things together.
Goodluck to you, were always here to help.
Thank you for your replies, I like the idea of asking for the case files but I have been told by his MASO I cant actually read what was said so I will never know the full story.
Its the little things that are bugging me at the moment, like I cant go out on saturday because he cant be left alone with our daughter, incase he gets checked, like why am I missing out on things because of what he did?
Its the little things that are bugging me at the moment, like I cant go out on saturday because he cant be left alone with our daughter, incase he gets checked, like why am I missing out on things because of what he did?
There is a good reason why he can't be left alone, can you find another babysitter? It is hard but choosing to stay would also mean making changes in your lifestyle as you mention with childcare.....his actions affect you too! I hope you can find other childcare arrangements and then you can still have some time out.
Hi Jellyhead,
Do you mind me asking how your partner got a caution?
My partner is currently bailed whilst they investigate after sexual communication with a decoy, and he's adamant his devices are clean so it will just be the texts between them as evidence.
We thought it more likely he'd get suspended sentence but I am wondering if a caution is even an option for us :(
Do you mind me asking how your partner got a caution?
My partner is currently bailed whilst they investigate after sexual communication with a decoy, and he's adamant his devices are clean so it will just be the texts between them as evidence.
We thought it more likely he'd get suspended sentence but I am wondering if a caution is even an option for us :(