So new and so Sad.
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My knock came 2 weeks ago. Hubby was arrested and they took just his devices and my iPad. My world came crashing down around me. We have been together forever and we are so strong. Kids 15 yrs + adult so I'm alone with them whilst he is with his parents.
SS visited and I accepted there is a risk to 15 year old, but that I want to make my marriage work. They spoke to my daughter and she said she felt safe with him. SS gave me info hubby doesn't have, and so I am not sure what to believe right now. I trust Hubby with my life, I am going to support him, but feel I am being judged for it.
SS called this morning to give me information that I know is not correct. I have seen all the papers hubby has and so I know some things for a fact.
Given age and ability to safeguard self, do you think they will stop him living with me after initial bail. I just feel so low and desperate. Struggling with work, but keeping going. I am just living day by day and it's really hard.
so sorry for complaining, but I feel judged over something I haven't done and under investigation for nothing I can change.
xx
SS visited and I accepted there is a risk to 15 year old, but that I want to make my marriage work. They spoke to my daughter and she said she felt safe with him. SS gave me info hubby doesn't have, and so I am not sure what to believe right now. I trust Hubby with my life, I am going to support him, but feel I am being judged for it.
SS called this morning to give me information that I know is not correct. I have seen all the papers hubby has and so I know some things for a fact.
Given age and ability to safeguard self, do you think they will stop him living with me after initial bail. I just feel so low and desperate. Struggling with work, but keeping going. I am just living day by day and it's really hard.
so sorry for complaining, but I feel judged over something I haven't done and under investigation for nothing I can change.
xx
Hi Bear 123
I am so sorry to hear your story, unfortunately I can't help with advice on SS but wanted to wish you all well on this long, emotional journey. You will be experiencing all types of feelings of denial, sadness, grief, loss, disbelief and sometimes anger I am sure.
We always worry about what others think don't we and I am sorry to hear that you feel judged for supporting your husband . It is my son of 23 who has found himself in this situation, although I am not condoning what he has done and feel that his actions were apporant, I will always support him to address the reasons why it happened and help him work through this, minimising the risk of it happening again.
I haven't told anyone about our situation. My son self disclosed to us then to the police and has been open and honest about his behaviour. So I am encouraged by that, in hoping that his disclosure will help the victims and also give him a brighter future without carrying this burden.
it is a long road and it is going to affect relationships but please contact the LFF help line they will help an guide you. I would say, you must do what you feel is right for you and your family. Remember you are living the life with your husband and family no-one else is. The individuals you need to support you are those who are not judgemental and make you feel as though you have done wrong , but those who are supportive, caring and just listen and may not necessarily have to say anything , just be there.
I wish you all the very best. take care .
I am so sorry to hear your story, unfortunately I can't help with advice on SS but wanted to wish you all well on this long, emotional journey. You will be experiencing all types of feelings of denial, sadness, grief, loss, disbelief and sometimes anger I am sure.
We always worry about what others think don't we and I am sorry to hear that you feel judged for supporting your husband . It is my son of 23 who has found himself in this situation, although I am not condoning what he has done and feel that his actions were apporant, I will always support him to address the reasons why it happened and help him work through this, minimising the risk of it happening again.
I haven't told anyone about our situation. My son self disclosed to us then to the police and has been open and honest about his behaviour. So I am encouraged by that, in hoping that his disclosure will help the victims and also give him a brighter future without carrying this burden.
it is a long road and it is going to affect relationships but please contact the LFF help line they will help an guide you. I would say, you must do what you feel is right for you and your family. Remember you are living the life with your husband and family no-one else is. The individuals you need to support you are those who are not judgemental and make you feel as though you have done wrong , but those who are supportive, caring and just listen and may not necessarily have to say anything , just be there.
I wish you all the very best. take care .
Thank you so much for your reply. I think SS are making it worse to be honest. I know they have a job to do, but it feels like they come in, drop bombs and then walk away leaving you wondering when they are coming back.
hubby is being supportive, as is his family. My family not so much. I know there will be lots of waiting and wondering on the horizon, and so I'm trying to find my new normal for now. Living day by day and just hoping his stupidity doesn't ruin everything.
I am not making excuses for him, but lockdown was really tough. I think the internet became his escape from being locked in a small house With stroppy teens, animals and a stressed out wife. Unfortunately he ended up on circling the rabbit hole, but didn't ask for help, rather just ignoring it.
my biggest concern is KIK as I have heard all sorts of stories about things auto downloading when the users don't realise.
today is a new day, and a day closer to a final decision.
xx
hubby is being supportive, as is his family. My family not so much. I know there will be lots of waiting and wondering on the horizon, and so I'm trying to find my new normal for now. Living day by day and just hoping his stupidity doesn't ruin everything.
I am not making excuses for him, but lockdown was really tough. I think the internet became his escape from being locked in a small house With stroppy teens, animals and a stressed out wife. Unfortunately he ended up on circling the rabbit hole, but didn't ask for help, rather just ignoring it.
my biggest concern is KIK as I have heard all sorts of stories about things auto downloading when the users don't realise.
today is a new day, and a day closer to a final decision.
xx
Hi Bear
I have never had any involvement with SS but , I would have thought they would have left you with an agreed plan of action and a rough date for a revew at least. Rather than leaving you in limbo .I am not sure if your husband would be allowed home after bail but your SW should beable to give you some Idea.
with regards to supporting your husband, you have to do the right thing for you and your family, what ever you decide is the right choice for you. I don't think its a case of making excuses for individuals behaviour but trying to understand "Why" it happened , we know through the media that mental health problems has rocketed during the pandemic and a deterioration in mental health can change your behaviour. I too am not making excuses or condoing this. I do hope that by spporting your husband you both can move forward together , helping him to minimise the risk so it dosen't happen again, which is ultimately his responsibility. I have supported my son and he is receiving professional counselling regularly which was accessed through the LFF.
i wish you and your family all the very best in your journey.
I have never had any involvement with SS but , I would have thought they would have left you with an agreed plan of action and a rough date for a revew at least. Rather than leaving you in limbo .I am not sure if your husband would be allowed home after bail but your SW should beable to give you some Idea.
with regards to supporting your husband, you have to do the right thing for you and your family, what ever you decide is the right choice for you. I don't think its a case of making excuses for individuals behaviour but trying to understand "Why" it happened , we know through the media that mental health problems has rocketed during the pandemic and a deterioration in mental health can change your behaviour. I too am not making excuses or condoing this. I do hope that by spporting your husband you both can move forward together , helping him to minimise the risk so it dosen't happen again, which is ultimately his responsibility. I have supported my son and he is receiving professional counselling regularly which was accessed through the LFF.
i wish you and your family all the very best in your journey.
Hi.
sorry u find urself here. My experience with SS is not a good one. My ex was not allowed to stay in the family home after his arrest and release. Police told him he was allowed to see the kids but with supervision but not allowed to live at home, SS came in and said no contact at all. 8 months down the line and it's still the same, no contact and he's not allowed in the family home at all. SS keep saying they are waiting to see what the police say and what he ends up charged with.
my ex was honest with the police and also SS thinking it would help him it clearly didn't. because I supported contact in the beginning especially with our youngest I was seen as not realising the seriousness of the situation and I was deemed unfit to keep my children safe and we was rated highly on a protection plan. I've had a hard battle on proving that I am it didn't help that while it's like a bombs gone off in ur life and ur dealing with the aftermath they throw questions at u that u don't know the answers to. U need to make it clear that the safety of the children is ur priority and u will work with them and do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
I don't know what the future holds for us but I know I'm a lot stronger than I was 7 and a half months ago. I've started answering my SW back and asking her questions I've also started doing the same with the health visitor. I'm gearing up to taking on my child's school as I feel they think I'm a unfit mother. They are reporting every tiny detail to my SW.
stay safe x
sorry u find urself here. My experience with SS is not a good one. My ex was not allowed to stay in the family home after his arrest and release. Police told him he was allowed to see the kids but with supervision but not allowed to live at home, SS came in and said no contact at all. 8 months down the line and it's still the same, no contact and he's not allowed in the family home at all. SS keep saying they are waiting to see what the police say and what he ends up charged with.
my ex was honest with the police and also SS thinking it would help him it clearly didn't. because I supported contact in the beginning especially with our youngest I was seen as not realising the seriousness of the situation and I was deemed unfit to keep my children safe and we was rated highly on a protection plan. I've had a hard battle on proving that I am it didn't help that while it's like a bombs gone off in ur life and ur dealing with the aftermath they throw questions at u that u don't know the answers to. U need to make it clear that the safety of the children is ur priority and u will work with them and do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
I don't know what the future holds for us but I know I'm a lot stronger than I was 7 and a half months ago. I've started answering my SW back and asking her questions I've also started doing the same with the health visitor. I'm gearing up to taking on my child's school as I feel they think I'm a unfit mother. They are reporting every tiny detail to my SW.
stay safe x
Thanks for all your support. You are all truly amazing. I think those in this situation are so strong, but it's hard to keep it all together sometimes.
even when things seem calm, it's the panic that it's going to change somehow. I know I just have to keep going and keep strong.
we are all amazing, and we can do this together. Xx
even when things seem calm, it's the panic that it's going to change somehow. I know I just have to keep going and keep strong.
we are all amazing, and we can do this together. Xx