Today the tears came.
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7 months since the knock and 7 months he's been gone out of our lives. I thought I was coping I thought I was strong but something simple as the rain pushed me over the edge.
my oldest is disabled and just last few weeks has needed hospital appointments and even a operation. A child from a previous relationship whose dad is effing useless and left me to deal with it while knowing all whatvwe are currently going through with police and SS. By Twisting his arm and laying it on thick he's done a couple of hospital runs (dropped us at the door and left) as public transport is a no go for my child at the mo. It's exhausting asking him, begging him to help he will have some petty excuses as to why not he cant help. I do wonder what would happen if I threw my hands in the air and said f**k it I can't get to appointments or accompany them for operations so they won't go( I never would but why can the father do it and get away with it). I know SW would be out like a shot telling my child's health was suffering and I needed to make more of an effort. But why me? Why put it all on me? The father has a duty too surely??
my sanity has suffered, I've had to let work down and my other children. SW knows what I am going through and will ring to enquire where my other children are staying who with and for how long? She's made it clear only family can have them but they work they are carers for other family members they have there own life too. Why are u not helping where's the support? The questioning is not helping my sanity or worrying about what u think or suspect. I've thought about keeping them off school and taking them into the hospital with me then I'd know where they are and not worrying about school runs or pushing them on to someone else.
now this is when I've started to really miss my ex. He would be here with a hug, helping with hospital runs, appointments and stay ins. He'd have looked after the other children and done the school runs and took time off work too so it's not only my work and sanity suffering, helped with the house work and the shopping. But SW has stated no contact supervised or non supervised or ill lose my kids. So while she toddles off back to her happy family and home not realising the pressure I'm under I'm left wondering. How am I going to get us to hospital tomorrow? How am I going to get the kids to and from school? When will I go back to work?
So it was time to do the school run and it started raining again walking in the rain for what feels like the 100th time this week and I finally lost it I cried big fat stupid self pitying tears just give me a break one little break would do if even go back to work for a break in it all.
needed to get it off my chest thanks for reading and I'm sorry U find urself here needing support too.
my oldest is disabled and just last few weeks has needed hospital appointments and even a operation. A child from a previous relationship whose dad is effing useless and left me to deal with it while knowing all whatvwe are currently going through with police and SS. By Twisting his arm and laying it on thick he's done a couple of hospital runs (dropped us at the door and left) as public transport is a no go for my child at the mo. It's exhausting asking him, begging him to help he will have some petty excuses as to why not he cant help. I do wonder what would happen if I threw my hands in the air and said f**k it I can't get to appointments or accompany them for operations so they won't go( I never would but why can the father do it and get away with it). I know SW would be out like a shot telling my child's health was suffering and I needed to make more of an effort. But why me? Why put it all on me? The father has a duty too surely??
my sanity has suffered, I've had to let work down and my other children. SW knows what I am going through and will ring to enquire where my other children are staying who with and for how long? She's made it clear only family can have them but they work they are carers for other family members they have there own life too. Why are u not helping where's the support? The questioning is not helping my sanity or worrying about what u think or suspect. I've thought about keeping them off school and taking them into the hospital with me then I'd know where they are and not worrying about school runs or pushing them on to someone else.
now this is when I've started to really miss my ex. He would be here with a hug, helping with hospital runs, appointments and stay ins. He'd have looked after the other children and done the school runs and took time off work too so it's not only my work and sanity suffering, helped with the house work and the shopping. But SW has stated no contact supervised or non supervised or ill lose my kids. So while she toddles off back to her happy family and home not realising the pressure I'm under I'm left wondering. How am I going to get us to hospital tomorrow? How am I going to get the kids to and from school? When will I go back to work?
So it was time to do the school run and it started raining again walking in the rain for what feels like the 100th time this week and I finally lost it I cried big fat stupid self pitying tears just give me a break one little break would do if even go back to work for a break in it all.
needed to get it off my chest thanks for reading and I'm sorry U find urself here needing support too.
I really feel for you, it's 16months since the online outing and knock for me, I decided to go it alone straight away and ended a 20 year relationship, it's been difficult to learn how to handle life on my own, I too have a disabled son aswell as two others to care for, I never get a minute to myself anymore and I have to plan everything, my ex is aloud supervised contact but i refuse to have him in my house so I have to take my daughter to his parents house, she doesn't want me to leave and his parents are elderly so I have to supervise, it's only happening once a fortnight for 30 min, he hasn't pushed for any more, my boys have refused and don't want to know him anymore out of there own choice, before he would co help with childcare, school runs, food shops, cooking etc now like you that's all gone and it's hard to be the one that does it all but be proud of yourself because for every bad day you also have the good days where you achieve everything you set out to do, I've recently returned back to work part time fitting in as best I can to my new family set up, it's harder than it used to be but luckily my youngest can come with me and doesn't seem to mind, I really hope ss get off your back soon, I was lucky they closed my case really quickly because of my personal actions and the job I'm trained to do, I can't say I'm strong or handled it well, honestly I've buried a lot of feelings and gone into mum mode, i occasionally try to address my feelings but I'm not ready for that pain so I tell myself once I know the truth and it's gone to court then I will know how I truly feel and move on fully, really hope you get to move on with a clear mind too xx