Fear and Safeguarding of Children
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Hello!
I am new to this forum as since the knock in 2016 it has been a journey. A journey that started with shock, many unanswered questions and fear. I have 3 young children under the age of 10 who were present at the knock. My eldest up to this date remembers that day. The day I was getting ready for work and getting them ready for childminders and school. The day his dad was arrested , and he came home to be tablet, no computer and no dad.
It has been a personal battle as a woman and as a mum. When I look back I don't even know how I survived it all. I broke down every night after putting a brave face and try to keep my children s lives as normal as they could be. My EX husband tried during his bail to say he was innocent until proven guilty. Verbally called me names in front of my son (who to this date still talks about it). He did not enter a plea at Magistrated and went to Crown to plea guilty for downloading and possessing over 200 images in each category including movies. To this date I cannot understand how he spared prison. He has a suspended sentence for 2 years and 10 years on the register.
He is only allowed supervised access to the children. First grandparents supervised it but with time my son requested me to supervise and from every two week went to every three. I only supervised as my son begged me to. Before I started supervising the visits, it was guaranteed that I would have a restless night with the three of them but it all subsided when I was present. As a family we had only support from Resilient Families and for a short period of time. My girls are younger so for them it is different but my son has now decided he doesn't want to have any more contact with dad and grandmother. My aim has always been to safeguard my children and I will go with his decision. However, my ex husband stated that he will take me to court for access more regularly and even overnight with his parents supervising it.
He stated that he has completed his rehabilitation and suspended sentence. With no disrespect to any mums and partners with different views from mine, I cannot accept supervised contact by his family and suggested the contact centre.
He has caused stress and trauma to the four of us. I moved on but he thinks he has the right to have his children. I have strong views on safeguarding and don't believe anything coming from him and his family. My son wants to drop contact but his dad said he will agree with him but will take me to court.
Does anyone with children experienced a similar situation. Can anyone help? I just feel we are victims of someones addiction and yet we are the ones left with no support, lonely and facing everyday, week and month with a new personal battle because of what we read or watch on TV, the constant questioning from a child to know the truth and the stress of knowing people are aware of things and may judge you. We are victims and no one can see that clearly.
I am new to this forum as since the knock in 2016 it has been a journey. A journey that started with shock, many unanswered questions and fear. I have 3 young children under the age of 10 who were present at the knock. My eldest up to this date remembers that day. The day I was getting ready for work and getting them ready for childminders and school. The day his dad was arrested , and he came home to be tablet, no computer and no dad.
It has been a personal battle as a woman and as a mum. When I look back I don't even know how I survived it all. I broke down every night after putting a brave face and try to keep my children s lives as normal as they could be. My EX husband tried during his bail to say he was innocent until proven guilty. Verbally called me names in front of my son (who to this date still talks about it). He did not enter a plea at Magistrated and went to Crown to plea guilty for downloading and possessing over 200 images in each category including movies. To this date I cannot understand how he spared prison. He has a suspended sentence for 2 years and 10 years on the register.
He is only allowed supervised access to the children. First grandparents supervised it but with time my son requested me to supervise and from every two week went to every three. I only supervised as my son begged me to. Before I started supervising the visits, it was guaranteed that I would have a restless night with the three of them but it all subsided when I was present. As a family we had only support from Resilient Families and for a short period of time. My girls are younger so for them it is different but my son has now decided he doesn't want to have any more contact with dad and grandmother. My aim has always been to safeguard my children and I will go with his decision. However, my ex husband stated that he will take me to court for access more regularly and even overnight with his parents supervising it.
He stated that he has completed his rehabilitation and suspended sentence. With no disrespect to any mums and partners with different views from mine, I cannot accept supervised contact by his family and suggested the contact centre.
He has caused stress and trauma to the four of us. I moved on but he thinks he has the right to have his children. I have strong views on safeguarding and don't believe anything coming from him and his family. My son wants to drop contact but his dad said he will agree with him but will take me to court.
Does anyone with children experienced a similar situation. Can anyone help? I just feel we are victims of someones addiction and yet we are the ones left with no support, lonely and facing everyday, week and month with a new personal battle because of what we read or watch on TV, the constant questioning from a child to know the truth and the stress of knowing people are aware of things and may judge you. We are victims and no one can see that clearly.
This is my biggest worry right now. My ex is due out of prison in May and our daughter will be 2 then. I know that he is going to want contact and I am determined that he will never have unsupervised contact with her.
Ive been looking at contact centres for the visits but i know itll cause arguments because you have to pay and i am not paying for him to see her thats something that he will have to do which he will fight.
My only other option would be to supervise myself as my family wouldnt (and i wouldnt ask them to) and his are not suitable (as per social services advice) but me doing it isnt appealing as I dont want to see him again, plus it will but my job at risk to be around him.
It just seems to always be something else cropping up all the time ????
Ive been looking at contact centres for the visits but i know itll cause arguments because you have to pay and i am not paying for him to see her thats something that he will have to do which he will fight.
My only other option would be to supervise myself as my family wouldnt (and i wouldnt ask them to) and his are not suitable (as per social services advice) but me doing it isnt appealing as I dont want to see him again, plus it will but my job at risk to be around him.
It just seems to always be something else cropping up all the time ????
Thank you so much for your replies and sorry to hear your stories. It is agonising when we know someone who did so wrong can make such a negative impact on our lives. I am yet to understand how an they even go to court and contest visitation and say (in my case) a judge would agree for my children to go be supervised by his parents and even sleep over. I will NEVER agree with such an outrageous decision when he is for 10 years on the register. I have the fear that may happen.... how son earth is that even possible? Does anyone had experience in the courts with a similar situation. Please help my mind is working overtime. X