New to this, anyone out there to help?
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So many questions. The knock came two months ago.
anyone out there to help? I'm a 20 year old male, OH is 24 years old male. Been together over 4 years now (started dating when I was 16, he was 19).
I want to stay with him. But everyone seems to judge me and assume that i must've done the same when I haven't.
are there any face to face/ in person support groups for affected partners/families?
how do I plan for the future when I feel like we're in purgatory at the moment? When will he hear back from the police?
We're engaged. Should I call it off. I want to marry him now more than ever. I can't even explain the love we have for each other, I wouldn't want to throw this away. I was prepared to say till death do us part. That means something to me.
we have two houses together, pets, cars. What happens to all that if we do split. I don't want to split but what if we are almost forced to by family/friends?
my family are isolating us, it hurts. My grandparents are supportive though.
I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare. I've considered self harm/suicide some days but I know I won't do that and I know that the Samaritans are able to support me.
matbe we could just run away to a new country and start our lives again? I don't know. It's so hard.
how does everyone else cope? Anyone else in a similar situation to me?
anyone out there to help? I'm a 20 year old male, OH is 24 years old male. Been together over 4 years now (started dating when I was 16, he was 19).
I want to stay with him. But everyone seems to judge me and assume that i must've done the same when I haven't.
are there any face to face/ in person support groups for affected partners/families?
how do I plan for the future when I feel like we're in purgatory at the moment? When will he hear back from the police?
We're engaged. Should I call it off. I want to marry him now more than ever. I can't even explain the love we have for each other, I wouldn't want to throw this away. I was prepared to say till death do us part. That means something to me.
we have two houses together, pets, cars. What happens to all that if we do split. I don't want to split but what if we are almost forced to by family/friends?
my family are isolating us, it hurts. My grandparents are supportive though.
I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare. I've considered self harm/suicide some days but I know I won't do that and I know that the Samaritans are able to support me.
matbe we could just run away to a new country and start our lives again? I don't know. It's so hard.
how does everyone else cope? Anyone else in a similar situation to me?
Hi Zak.
I'm sorry that you are in this horrible situation. We are mixed bag of people here impacted by others actions but there is great support here and understanding.
Firstly have you contacted the Lucy faithful helpline or emailed? They are very useful charity and run this forum as well.
There is also the inform course, one for offenders and another for family and friends. I'm not sure if face to face meetings are going on at the moment for the course but I believe some workshops have been going on during these trying times with covid.
Has your partner taken steps to address their actions? I have stayed with my partner because he has been proactive in getting help to make sure he doesn't reoffend. It is up to you if you stay or leave but one thing I think you should consider is if your partner is taking it seriously to not reoffend. I say this because otherwise they are at risk of doing it again or worse.
How long it takes from the knock to charging can be a long time. For my partner it was two years and his offending was online only. Sometimes it's quicker, but generally it is quite a while.
Please feel free to come back to the forum for advice or look at others examples to help.
Big hugs
I'm sorry that you are in this horrible situation. We are mixed bag of people here impacted by others actions but there is great support here and understanding.
Firstly have you contacted the Lucy faithful helpline or emailed? They are very useful charity and run this forum as well.
There is also the inform course, one for offenders and another for family and friends. I'm not sure if face to face meetings are going on at the moment for the course but I believe some workshops have been going on during these trying times with covid.
Has your partner taken steps to address their actions? I have stayed with my partner because he has been proactive in getting help to make sure he doesn't reoffend. It is up to you if you stay or leave but one thing I think you should consider is if your partner is taking it seriously to not reoffend. I say this because otherwise they are at risk of doing it again or worse.
How long it takes from the knock to charging can be a long time. For my partner it was two years and his offending was online only. Sometimes it's quicker, but generally it is quite a while.
Please feel free to come back to the forum for advice or look at others examples to help.
Big hugs
Hi Zak
You have taken positive steps in contacting this group, so well done.
I feel exactly the same with my husband of 27 years. I know in my heart he would never be capable of what he was questioned on (not charged) and am very much of the opinion that he is 'innocent until proven guilty', however my family do not feel the same, the have hung, drawn and quartered him already. I have explained my feelings surrounding their negativity and told them that if they are forcing me to make a choice between him or them... I'll pick my husband every time.
You have to take little steps everyday, minimise negativity and talk talk talk with your partner.
Always here for a chat if you need to xx
You have taken positive steps in contacting this group, so well done.
I feel exactly the same with my husband of 27 years. I know in my heart he would never be capable of what he was questioned on (not charged) and am very much of the opinion that he is 'innocent until proven guilty', however my family do not feel the same, the have hung, drawn and quartered him already. I have explained my feelings surrounding their negativity and told them that if they are forcing me to make a choice between him or them... I'll pick my husband every time.
You have to take little steps everyday, minimise negativity and talk talk talk with your partner.
Always here for a chat if you need to xx