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Vickie

Member since
November 2020

428 posts

Posted Wed June 2, 2021 12:26pmReport post

Hi ladies and gentlemen

How's everyone doing,, I have my ICPC meeting next week and my partner will be released next week to,, I am not looking forward to the next ICPC meeting because I don't see what more I can do thats been asked of me,,

I am trying to move but can't find anything

Handed over to family courts to deal with and to put child protection in place waiting for a date on that,

I done the inform course

I have a solicitor coming into the ICPC meeting and support worker to,,

I have said only contact would be supervised and nothing else and he needs to be showen to be managing his risk,,

Is there anything else I can do,, I was also asked my by ss if I believed my children should remain on ICPC I said yes because I believe its interest to have muilt agnices involved to help us,,

Any help would be great please x x thank u head

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Wed June 2, 2021 3:27pmReport post

Hi Vickie



I can't quite help I'm afraid since I do not have children with my partner but I saw you are going through the family courts. My partner is doing the same for his two children because his ex doest want him to have any contact. I see that you stated the father needs to prove he is managing his risk- do you know what is required exactly that the courts would allow?

I ask because CAFCASS have essentially said my partner needs to prove he is no or low risk to his children- fair enough. However we have yet have any real input from any authority on what he needs to prove this. He has approached a few specialists but each keep saying they need specific criteria otherwise he could be paying thousands for an assessment that doest meet the courts' needs.

He had previously submitted his probation report which unfortunately backfired since it was mid way through his sentence and came up as medium risk. Tho my partner is going for supervision at a contact centre as a means of mitigation.

I would be interested to hear how it goes for you with family courts since so far my partner and I are navigating the courts with no real advice or support. My partner is representing himself which to be honest I don't think is doing him any favours because as I have said the courts have not been clear in what they want from him- despite he has done the Lucy faithful course, has completed his community service with no issues, co operative with the police post sentence and engaging with probation.

Vickie

Member since
November 2020

428 posts

Posted Wed June 2, 2021 3:56pmReport post

No this is the problem I have cause none will say what he has to do to show he is managing his risk,,

I told him about the LLF and the course,,

He has complied with the police from day one and probation,, I like yourself don't understand how a person can turn corners if they don't know where to go for help.

All I get in each core meeting is that he needs to be showing he is not a risk and that ss have no concerns,, so hoping to use the 12 on probation to show this is the case and that my child have not got anything bad to say about him.

Have cfcase spoken to ur partners children cause I have been told they can so I hoping they will speak to my and I can show it in kids best interests to have there dad around xx x keep me up date to how u get on please and I will to xx

majestictopaz

Member since
December 2019

499 posts

Posted Wed June 2, 2021 9:52pmReport post

I believe CAFCASS have spoken to the children. I don't think in great detail of the offending because they are young (under the age of 10). But since it has been years since my partner saw or spoke to them and they are young they have little memory of him and so don't display emotions of missing him greatly.

CAFCASS did originally say that kids knowing their fathers help with self identity, but in the second report they were not impressed with the medium risk result from probation. It was our understanding that the use of the probation report isn't used often as an assessment for family courts. But as I said despite the fact he did the course, no evidence of reoffending, co operation with police and probation the courts seem to want another assessment. Even tho he is assessed by probation....also my partner has had comments from authorities claiming he only did the course to lessen his sentence- damn if you do, damned if you don't.

My partner has done a course on reconnection with his kids and finished another on emotional resilience. One of his motivations is to be there for his kids and reconnect. There is concern on how bringing him back into their life would effect them but we are determined to work around it especially if we get the support e.g. therapist, SS etc.

My partner has his court hearing in mid July. Crossing fingers that they will allow contact centre with supervision for now. I would hope since you are supportive of some sort of reconnection that an arrangement can be agreed for your family. I feel for us the fact the ex wife is not keen makes it very hard for my partner to get visitation rights.

Crossing fingers for the both of us.

Vickie

Member since
November 2020

428 posts

Posted Fri June 4, 2021 12:13pmReport post

Yes defo hun will fight every court in the land if I have to because at the end of the day he is their dad and I believe all children have a right to know who both parents are. Yes my daughter talks about her father all the time and I get screwed at for that but I not going to stop her from talking,, hope we both get what we want from this xx fingers crossed x

Dazedandconfused31

Member since
June 2021

4 posts

Posted Sat June 5, 2021 2:21pmReport post

Hi all thanks for raising this ,I'm having the same problems. I've been asking for a year for advice on how his father would need to be safely assessed in order for him to have unsupervised visits and I get no feedback or guidance. I'm also trying to get support in how to help my son as his mental health has been so affected since all this happened- he's now 9 and still suffering

I feel at a loss on how to help him x

Vickie

Member since
November 2020

428 posts

Posted Sun July 18, 2021 10:30amReport post

Hi dazed

Its so hard I have do a referral for my daughter to my local c. A.m.s thro u the gp. We have a open door policy in our house if u want to talk about sometime then we can and better to get it out than hold it in,, we have a worry monster to that we write things down and talk about it then the monster eats it. It hard work and ss don't help at all but I will keep fight for them to get the help,,