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S, I'm very new to this journey too, my son got the knock a month ago. I can't offer any advice as I'm on such a learning curve myself, but just wanted to send you so much love and sympathy as I totally understand the devastation that has just taken place in your world. I love my son so much but I also really hate him right now and the complex web of emotions is tough to deal with. This forum is great for support and to know you're not alone x
As someone who reads manga I know there's some very questionable content and a 13yo may not understand what is it okay and what isn't... It's incredibly easy to get a hold of too...
There was a case a few years ago of the same thing happening to an old gent but he had committed previous offences...
Very sorry this has happened to you...
There was a case a few years ago of the same thing happening to an old gent but he had committed previous offences...
Very sorry this has happened to you...
Hello,
I had to go through the LADO referral process at work as I worked in safeguarding at the time.
Work held a disciplinary investigation meeting and no further action was taken against me. I found this very stressful at the time. My union rep helped! Alot!
Just remember throughout this you have done nothing wrong. It's the whole guilt by association thing AGAIN!
Happy to answer any questions about it.
Thanks,
Hayley
I had to go through the LADO referral process at work as I worked in safeguarding at the time.
Work held a disciplinary investigation meeting and no further action was taken against me. I found this very stressful at the time. My union rep helped! Alot!
Just remember throughout this you have done nothing wrong. It's the whole guilt by association thing AGAIN!
Happy to answer any questions about it.
Thanks,
Hayley
Hi , can someone explain what manga is please, my son was charged with pseudo images , is this the same ??
Heya,
So Pseudo images are fake images, computer drawn.
Manga is a Japanese derived way of story telling... Think of manga as the Japanese equivalent of UK comics... Pictures and speech bubbles...
Honestly I would ask a solicitor who knows about IEOC what he thinks of your son's case... It's a tricky one psuedoimages because they're not real but it is now possible to convict someone of having created them or storing a large amount if they are of a very indecent nature...
So Pseudo images are fake images, computer drawn.
Manga is a Japanese derived way of story telling... Think of manga as the Japanese equivalent of UK comics... Pictures and speech bubbles...
Honestly I would ask a solicitor who knows about IEOC what he thinks of your son's case... It's a tricky one psuedoimages because they're not real but it is now possible to convict someone of having created them or storing a large amount if they are of a very indecent nature...
Many thanks for that blackhound, but how can comics be indecent ?
So the law is very sketchy on this type of thing... I suggest having a bit of a Google online about the UK law and Psuedoimages...
Ive have heard that they can be indecent if they are based on someone in real life but I'd take that with a grain of salt.
If you're very concerned I'd find a lawyer who specialises in UK IIOC law and ask them it...
Goodluck
Ive have heard that they can be indecent if they are based on someone in real life but I'd take that with a grain of salt.
If you're very concerned I'd find a lawyer who specialises in UK IIOC law and ask them it...
Goodluck
Thank you everyone for your replies, i literally feel like my whole world has completely collapsed, and am so glad i found this forum. I have a meeting with his solicitor in a couple of weeks so will bring up the whole manga conversation. Xx
Sarah??
Did everyone know about the investigation at your place of work or was it all completely confidential?
Did your work support the decision of the investigation and your were free to continue in your role? Or were you made to feel uncomfortable after?
Sorry i have so many questions
Xx
Did everyone know about the investigation at your place of work or was it all completely confidential?
Did your work support the decision of the investigation and your were free to continue in your role? Or were you made to feel uncomfortable after?
Sorry i have so many questions
Xx
Hi,
I wasn't suspended at the time and only my direct line manager and the designated investigating officer at work knew. The investigator at work was my line managers boss.
I wasn't made to feel uncomfortable. I was embarrassed! I had worked there for five years and I like to think that I did my job well! I decided to leave following the investigation but that was purely to do with wanting a term time role! I wasn't forced out, that's for sure.
I hope they treat you well. Just remember the lado will deal with this situation way more often than we know! They are there to be fair.
As there was no further action in my case the investigation can't be mentioned in references etc.
Ask as many questions as you like! I'm happy to answer.
X
I wasn't suspended at the time and only my direct line manager and the designated investigating officer at work knew. The investigator at work was my line managers boss.
I wasn't made to feel uncomfortable. I was embarrassed! I had worked there for five years and I like to think that I did my job well! I decided to leave following the investigation but that was purely to do with wanting a term time role! I wasn't forced out, that's for sure.
I hope they treat you well. Just remember the lado will deal with this situation way more often than we know! They are there to be fair.
As there was no further action in my case the investigation can't be mentioned in references etc.
Ask as many questions as you like! I'm happy to answer.
X
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Lola53
Sending you a virtual hug, i just feel so anxious about it all and that if or when it gets out how will i keep him physically safe. How old is your son if you dont mind me asking? Xx
Maij
Thank you for your reply and sorry you too are having to live through this, im hoping that as he is 13 that they will be lenient but i also am trying to come to terms that whatever the outcome this will forever follow him and is now part of his life at 13.(im no way excusing or making excuses for him but i have to accept as his parent that some of the responsibility lies with me, i allowed him unrestricted acces to the internet believing he would be the good kid i know him to be). The thought of this ongoing for possibly a year is heartbreaking and i wish it was more public just how hard this is for the family.
I've got him booked in for weekly counselling sessions and the thought of an investigation into me through LADO is making me sick, ive made the decision that i can no longer work in education and will be leaving when i can.
Sorry for the long post i just feel so alone in it all and dont know what to to for the best, do i move and try for a fresh start away from everyone we know or do i continue to try and manage through knowing i can't look people in the eye knowing what he has done. I know its early days and shouldnt rush any decisions but i dont even want to leave the house since it all happened, so not sure how im suppose to function through it all.
S
Xx
Sending you a virtual hug, i just feel so anxious about it all and that if or when it gets out how will i keep him physically safe. How old is your son if you dont mind me asking? Xx
Maij
Thank you for your reply and sorry you too are having to live through this, im hoping that as he is 13 that they will be lenient but i also am trying to come to terms that whatever the outcome this will forever follow him and is now part of his life at 13.(im no way excusing or making excuses for him but i have to accept as his parent that some of the responsibility lies with me, i allowed him unrestricted acces to the internet believing he would be the good kid i know him to be). The thought of this ongoing for possibly a year is heartbreaking and i wish it was more public just how hard this is for the family.
I've got him booked in for weekly counselling sessions and the thought of an investigation into me through LADO is making me sick, ive made the decision that i can no longer work in education and will be leaving when i can.
Sorry for the long post i just feel so alone in it all and dont know what to to for the best, do i move and try for a fresh start away from everyone we know or do i continue to try and manage through knowing i can't look people in the eye knowing what he has done. I know its early days and shouldnt rush any decisions but i dont even want to leave the house since it all happened, so not sure how im suppose to function through it all.
S
Xx
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Lee1969 and Maij
Thank you for all your kind support , i really do feel like finding this space is a spark to finding our way through this.
The rational part of my brain is telling me to take it one day and step at a time and rush nothing and make no major decisions and try and take it all in bit by bit.
The mum in me is consumed with guilt over the whole situation and im hoping that as he gets the support he needs i will feel better about myself.
Thank you all, i hope you all realise how much of a difference you make and in sharing your stories, knowledge and just general understanding and non judgement you are helping myself and others see we are not alone in any of this
S
Xx
Thank you for all your kind support , i really do feel like finding this space is a spark to finding our way through this.
The rational part of my brain is telling me to take it one day and step at a time and rush nothing and make no major decisions and try and take it all in bit by bit.
The mum in me is consumed with guilt over the whole situation and im hoping that as he gets the support he needs i will feel better about myself.
Thank you all, i hope you all realise how much of a difference you make and in sharing your stories, knowledge and just general understanding and non judgement you are helping myself and others see we are not alone in any of this
S
Xx
Hi S,
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I also have a teen who has done this and also have experienced school/lado - no further action.
Our knock happened autumn/winter last year. He has had 2 interviews with the police. In the first he was advised to say no comment, in the second he admitted what he had done. I imagine it will be a joint investigation between the police aND SS. I would recommend looking at the following websites:
https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/NG55
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/2017/children-young-people-technology-assisted-harmful-sexual-behaviour
Ss are going to be looking at risk factors abs protective factors - so I would advise that you use Microsoft family safety and also, there's something called f-secure. It costs £30 a year and mops up anything that family safety misses. You can restrict content and set time limits for devices etc if he does have any including Xbox/PS4 etc. I'd say, pre-empt where you can re SS - come up with your own safety plan as they're going to be in your life a lot. I'm presuming there has been a strategy meeting and you have automatically gone s47? CP? There's also the young persons inform course which goes down well with the police.
Hope you're doing okay. It's horrific. And a totally different ball game to those with adults who have committed the offence. Just know, it's not you. And maybe you did allow unrestricted access but you can now mitigate that. SS will be looking at your response to risk - mine was classed as being a very protective parent so if you need any further help, I'm here.
sending you love - remember to breathe and hope you can sleep x
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I also have a teen who has done this and also have experienced school/lado - no further action.
Our knock happened autumn/winter last year. He has had 2 interviews with the police. In the first he was advised to say no comment, in the second he admitted what he had done. I imagine it will be a joint investigation between the police aND SS. I would recommend looking at the following websites:
https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/NG55
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/2017/children-young-people-technology-assisted-harmful-sexual-behaviour
Ss are going to be looking at risk factors abs protective factors - so I would advise that you use Microsoft family safety and also, there's something called f-secure. It costs £30 a year and mops up anything that family safety misses. You can restrict content and set time limits for devices etc if he does have any including Xbox/PS4 etc. I'd say, pre-empt where you can re SS - come up with your own safety plan as they're going to be in your life a lot. I'm presuming there has been a strategy meeting and you have automatically gone s47? CP? There's also the young persons inform course which goes down well with the police.
Hope you're doing okay. It's horrific. And a totally different ball game to those with adults who have committed the offence. Just know, it's not you. And maybe you did allow unrestricted access but you can now mitigate that. SS will be looking at your response to risk - mine was classed as being a very protective parent so if you need any further help, I'm here.
sending you love - remember to breathe and hope you can sleep x
S and Maij, my son is 22 - high achiever, incredibly popular and happy, on course to get a great degree. The damage and shock to his family and his close friends is staggering; I'm devastated for him and what he's lost through this but also so angry with him. It's early days so I don't know the outcome, he hasn't been charged yet, but I feel as if my life will never be the same again. So grateful for this forum and the lovely people on here xx
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Thank you Maij xx We have had initial talks with a solicitor who's experienced in these cases and he said some important things; it doesn't define him as a person and the future is not yet written. It's hard sometimes to keep this in mind but I do try. xx