Family and Friends Forum

I felt like a lot of people who are on this forum need to hear this.

It's okay.

What you're feeling right now is okay.

If you are :

- Angry

- Confused

- Hurt

- Sad

- Betrayed

- Exhausted

Any emotion you're feeling right now, given the situation we've found ourselves in, it's okay.

Will you feel the same tomorrow? I don't know, but that's not for you to worry about right now. Right now, you should feel your emotions. Don't bottle them up and let them eat at you. I've learned this the hard way.

Today, I feel the same as yesterday. Somewhat disgusted, somewhat confused and really hurt. This isn't the first time my husband has emotionally stunted me with his actions. He was young, stupid, greedy and insecure the first time. But so was I, so I stupidly bottles everything up and continued on. Fearing detachment from him.

Some people would say that I should just move on as I made the decision to stay years ago, I say to them

" who are you to tell me how to feel and what to do".

I have to rebuild the trust that'd we'd built up again, but for some reason I love him more now then I did back then. That confuses me because I also feel disgusted and resent him for what he's done, and that's okay for me to feel.

This journey we share together but travel on oh so very alone is an excruciatingly painful one. Whatever you decided to do, don't make any emotionally charged decisions. Just feel the emotion and at the end of the journey, whether it's 6 months or 2 years, you'll be better for it in your head.

I'm sure that everyone wishes things would have turned out the way they did, that your spouse, son or friends didn't commit this henious crime. But it did and here we are. For me personally, this journey isn't over and nothing much has psychically changed as me and my husband still live together. But he's a little more open, and it's a really long journey and I can only take one day at time.

So I'll put my tights on, put one step Infront of the other and feel what I need to. I'll express it to my partner, tell him that I'm in pain today, that I feel betrayed. He will understand and except why because he acknowledges the hurt and the wrong he has done.

If you need a little headspace like I do sometimes, I've started using a diary app, much more effective for me personally compared to a hand written psychical diary. I personally use: Diary - Journal Notebook & Mood tracker notes but anyone will do if you want to free up your mind a little and unleash your thoughts.

Goodluck today people.

This is going to be my last post for a while again because I too need headspace from here.