Pregnant and terrified
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Hi all
it's been 3 weeks now since the knock. My husband is currently under investigation for communication offences for talking to 2 underage girls. No attempts to meet, no pictures from them but pictures sent from him to them. Obviously taking it day by day until we know more.
hubby been open and honest from the start and is seeking help for his online addition to "attention and voyerism". (I will note he normally went online to find older people 20-30 years his senior, and somehow fell down this trap but has been going online for 20 years so really needs help). He has now started self help courses, hoping to get into the engage plus course and starts therapy in a few weeks. He is already a changed man in many ways.
Anyway, I am 6 months pregnant now with our first. I have chosen to stick by my hubby as I truly believe he needs help and not to be abandoned again in his life. Clearly social services are now involved.
So far we have had one joint meeting with them and they have booked to meet with just me next week. My social worker has been very friendly so far and has even arranged some therapy for me to understand what has happened ect.
does anyone have any experience with social services when pregnant (no other children involved)? What can I expect? I am desperately hoping that they will allow hubby to remain with us and I can show I'm a protective enough parent to allow that to happen. But I'm really frightened they will say he needs to stay away/not be at the birth/ not be allowed at home.
I know we will need to put things in place like he can't be left alone with baby (girl), and we will need to do supervised nappies and baths ect ect. But does anyone have any experience I can draw on?
im sure my husband wouldn't hurt baby in any way - but I also know I can't say that to SS! I'll do whatever it takes to not be separated as I'm sure it's better for my baby to have both her parents in her life.
it's been 3 weeks now since the knock. My husband is currently under investigation for communication offences for talking to 2 underage girls. No attempts to meet, no pictures from them but pictures sent from him to them. Obviously taking it day by day until we know more.
hubby been open and honest from the start and is seeking help for his online addition to "attention and voyerism". (I will note he normally went online to find older people 20-30 years his senior, and somehow fell down this trap but has been going online for 20 years so really needs help). He has now started self help courses, hoping to get into the engage plus course and starts therapy in a few weeks. He is already a changed man in many ways.
Anyway, I am 6 months pregnant now with our first. I have chosen to stick by my hubby as I truly believe he needs help and not to be abandoned again in his life. Clearly social services are now involved.
So far we have had one joint meeting with them and they have booked to meet with just me next week. My social worker has been very friendly so far and has even arranged some therapy for me to understand what has happened ect.
does anyone have any experience with social services when pregnant (no other children involved)? What can I expect? I am desperately hoping that they will allow hubby to remain with us and I can show I'm a protective enough parent to allow that to happen. But I'm really frightened they will say he needs to stay away/not be at the birth/ not be allowed at home.
I know we will need to put things in place like he can't be left alone with baby (girl), and we will need to do supervised nappies and baths ect ect. But does anyone have any experience I can draw on?
im sure my husband wouldn't hurt baby in any way - but I also know I can't say that to SS! I'll do whatever it takes to not be separated as I'm sure it's better for my baby to have both her parents in her life.
Hi,
I was 3 months pregnant when my partner was arrested for communication too. I do have older children but they are not his and I had made the decision to end the relationship at the time so no need for contact with my older children. Although things were different in my situation, partner was remanded, had rather hastily decided to end the relationship (perhaps a story for another day) and covid restrictions were still very much in place for hospital appointments etc. Bits of advice I can offer are to communicate with social services via email so there is a paper trail of things agreed, remember that you have not done anything wrong, read as many posts on here as you can for advice, make sure that your midwife updates your records to say baby can be released into your care (mine didn't), partner was released not long before I had our daughter and the midwives in the hospital had to call social services before letting me go home despite the fact that he doesn't live with me and I had an email stating I was a protective factor and the case was closed. My daughter sees her dad every week and this can be increased at a pace that we feel comfortable with. His parents supervise alongside myself. We are currently working together to see if there is a future for us as a couple and what that would look like further down the line. A post by lemon drizzle (I think) has responses on it about family rights who may be able to advise you. I hope that you are as well as you can be and that your baby girl arrives safely in a few months xx
I was 3 months pregnant when my partner was arrested for communication too. I do have older children but they are not his and I had made the decision to end the relationship at the time so no need for contact with my older children. Although things were different in my situation, partner was remanded, had rather hastily decided to end the relationship (perhaps a story for another day) and covid restrictions were still very much in place for hospital appointments etc. Bits of advice I can offer are to communicate with social services via email so there is a paper trail of things agreed, remember that you have not done anything wrong, read as many posts on here as you can for advice, make sure that your midwife updates your records to say baby can be released into your care (mine didn't), partner was released not long before I had our daughter and the midwives in the hospital had to call social services before letting me go home despite the fact that he doesn't live with me and I had an email stating I was a protective factor and the case was closed. My daughter sees her dad every week and this can be increased at a pace that we feel comfortable with. His parents supervise alongside myself. We are currently working together to see if there is a future for us as a couple and what that would look like further down the line. A post by lemon drizzle (I think) has responses on it about family rights who may be able to advise you. I hope that you are as well as you can be and that your baby girl arrives safely in a few months xx
Scared lamb
I'm sorry you find yourself here, a place none of us want to be.
Unfortunately ss will contact you and may put conditions in place.
I would obviously start some work yourself on understanding why and how your hubby did what he did maybe the inform course on lff .
I would also be contacting family rights group as these can help you get through to ss. Maybe ss will ask you and your husband to have an assessment done its also about how you can protect your baby and what risk level they find your husband to be in .
I know this is a very stressful time and I would urge you to make sure you take time out for yourself, I wish I did , I'm here because of my son viewed iioc .. its not a quick process at all we are 18 months in and magistrates in July.
Sending a virtual hug please reach out when you need to x
I'm sorry you find yourself here, a place none of us want to be.
Unfortunately ss will contact you and may put conditions in place.
I would obviously start some work yourself on understanding why and how your hubby did what he did maybe the inform course on lff .
I would also be contacting family rights group as these can help you get through to ss. Maybe ss will ask you and your husband to have an assessment done its also about how you can protect your baby and what risk level they find your husband to be in .
I know this is a very stressful time and I would urge you to make sure you take time out for yourself, I wish I did , I'm here because of my son viewed iioc .. its not a quick process at all we are 18 months in and magistrates in July.
Sending a virtual hug please reach out when you need to x
Thank you both.
I go between fear and denial at the moment. Fear that it won't go the way I want it to and denial that there is any way that it could turn out badly. Hoping I settle down a bit soon. With the hormones as well I'm a bit of a mess at times!!
Thanks for the advise regarding making sure it's on file I can bring baby home from hospital I will absolutely do that. What did you find the experience with SS like? Were they tough on you to determine if you were protective?
regards timelines - selfishly I hope we are one of the ones this takes 18 months or more. Right now hubby's work is aware of what has happened but won't do anything unless he gets a conviction and even then it might be ok for him to continue working. And I'm the higher earner so every penny counts at the moment and if he were to go to court ect and it be a bad outcome while I'm on maternity leave I would have to go back to work early which I really don't want. I know that is really selfish but it's just really bad timing (is there ever a good time though?!).
thank you both for your kind words.
I go between fear and denial at the moment. Fear that it won't go the way I want it to and denial that there is any way that it could turn out badly. Hoping I settle down a bit soon. With the hormones as well I'm a bit of a mess at times!!
Thanks for the advise regarding making sure it's on file I can bring baby home from hospital I will absolutely do that. What did you find the experience with SS like? Were they tough on you to determine if you were protective?
regards timelines - selfishly I hope we are one of the ones this takes 18 months or more. Right now hubby's work is aware of what has happened but won't do anything unless he gets a conviction and even then it might be ok for him to continue working. And I'm the higher earner so every penny counts at the moment and if he were to go to court ect and it be a bad outcome while I'm on maternity leave I would have to go back to work early which I really don't want. I know that is really selfish but it's just really bad timing (is there ever a good time though?!).
thank you both for your kind words.
Hi,
Hormones are hard enough without this thrown in. SS weren't particularly hard on me. I had decided to end the relationship and my older children were able to speak to the social worker about their relationship with me and I believe this was enough to determine that I'm a protective factor. I'm not really sure how they make their assessment in cases where there aren't any other children. I hope that everything works out well for you all xx
Hormones are hard enough without this thrown in. SS weren't particularly hard on me. I had decided to end the relationship and my older children were able to speak to the social worker about their relationship with me and I believe this was enough to determine that I'm a protective factor. I'm not really sure how they make their assessment in cases where there aren't any other children. I hope that everything works out well for you all xx
Hello,
I just wanted to let you know you're not alone here.
My partner was arrested at the end of March for sexual communication with a 12 year old, which turned out to be a police decoy. He says it's just that one conversation, which was across four weeks and that there are no images or anything else - and I believe him.
When the knock came, I was 32 weeks pregnant and my daughter is now 3 1/2 weeks old. SS were involved with me from the point of my partners arrest, and it's definitely been a slow and frustrating journey.
I had to battle to get my partner at the birth, and was only allowed with my mother there to supervise so be prepared to potentially have someone act in that role as that might be one way to have them at the birth. I also had written confirmation from the police that they didn't have an opinion on my partner being at the birth, as long as safeguarding was in place. I also got confirmation from the safeguarding midwife at the hospital that he could be present. He was allowed throughout labour, in my delivery room and for one hour after the birth (the midwives gave him two in the end) and then he had to leave when I went onto the ward after.
initially for visits and contact we were told it could only be once a week and "in the community" but with my mother as supervisor we pushed for that to be changed to three times a week and we've had it on a sliding scale if going well, so currently on 1.5hours and will be 2 hours from next week.
im still pushing to be deemed to supervise and hoping to start the LFF inform course soon, which should help. I've let SS know that I will be staying with my partner and whilst it's a concern, we're on a CIN plan and look to be staying on it as the only worry/risk is my partner and he is currently living separately.
we had to find him somewhere to move into once our daughter was born, but he was allowed to live at home with me before that as there were no children there. I would make plans and look for something as once I knew that was in place it made it easier for me to stop worrying that sudden labour would make my partner homeless!
I hope that helps? In terms of where we're at in the criminal side of things, we're waiting on charges to be brought (he was arrested and released on bail but not charged yet) and we know his devices are being checked right now as they want to speak to his work about his work laptop :(
Stay strong, and just try and keep focusing on your own health and support network too. It's so easy to get swallowed up and lost in all of this x
I just wanted to let you know you're not alone here.
My partner was arrested at the end of March for sexual communication with a 12 year old, which turned out to be a police decoy. He says it's just that one conversation, which was across four weeks and that there are no images or anything else - and I believe him.
When the knock came, I was 32 weeks pregnant and my daughter is now 3 1/2 weeks old. SS were involved with me from the point of my partners arrest, and it's definitely been a slow and frustrating journey.
I had to battle to get my partner at the birth, and was only allowed with my mother there to supervise so be prepared to potentially have someone act in that role as that might be one way to have them at the birth. I also had written confirmation from the police that they didn't have an opinion on my partner being at the birth, as long as safeguarding was in place. I also got confirmation from the safeguarding midwife at the hospital that he could be present. He was allowed throughout labour, in my delivery room and for one hour after the birth (the midwives gave him two in the end) and then he had to leave when I went onto the ward after.
initially for visits and contact we were told it could only be once a week and "in the community" but with my mother as supervisor we pushed for that to be changed to three times a week and we've had it on a sliding scale if going well, so currently on 1.5hours and will be 2 hours from next week.
im still pushing to be deemed to supervise and hoping to start the LFF inform course soon, which should help. I've let SS know that I will be staying with my partner and whilst it's a concern, we're on a CIN plan and look to be staying on it as the only worry/risk is my partner and he is currently living separately.
we had to find him somewhere to move into once our daughter was born, but he was allowed to live at home with me before that as there were no children there. I would make plans and look for something as once I knew that was in place it made it easier for me to stop worrying that sudden labour would make my partner homeless!
I hope that helps? In terms of where we're at in the criminal side of things, we're waiting on charges to be brought (he was arrested and released on bail but not charged yet) and we know his devices are being checked right now as they want to speak to his work about his work laptop :(
Stay strong, and just try and keep focusing on your own health and support network too. It's so easy to get swallowed up and lost in all of this x
Hi, I got pregnant with our first child during the investigation.
My husband was sentanced for communication with a police decoy and one category c video.
Ss were pretty good with me to be honest.
I initially kicked my husband out at the time of the knock then he moved back in.
You need to show that you are a protective parent. Please look at courses, there are the LFF modules, If you Google child protection courses there are a few resources that come up. Also look on the NSPCC website.
I made sure I did courses so I was aware of signs of abuse etc and wrote lots of notes, I had the proof to show Ss if they requested it.
We were on a CIN plan initially however the case has now been closed so just the family safety plan in place and no unsupervised access for hubby.
Please make sure you look after yourself. I know how stressful this can be when you are pregnant. Please don't hesitate to reach out for support on the forum x x x x
My husband was sentanced for communication with a police decoy and one category c video.
Ss were pretty good with me to be honest.
I initially kicked my husband out at the time of the knock then he moved back in.
You need to show that you are a protective parent. Please look at courses, there are the LFF modules, If you Google child protection courses there are a few resources that come up. Also look on the NSPCC website.
I made sure I did courses so I was aware of signs of abuse etc and wrote lots of notes, I had the proof to show Ss if they requested it.
We were on a CIN plan initially however the case has now been closed so just the family safety plan in place and no unsupervised access for hubby.
Please make sure you look after yourself. I know how stressful this can be when you are pregnant. Please don't hesitate to reach out for support on the forum x x x x
Bluebell.
you have given me the first hope in weeks in this so thank you!
I am hoping to do the LFF Inform course and will be calling about getting on that one today. I have also done the NSPCC safeguarding course. Is there any others you would recommend?
I am so glad things worked out for you and just hope it does for us too. To be fair so far my SW seems lovely and supportive- she has even referred me for some counciling to make sure I'm coping ok with everything.
I have started a bit of a family plan but struggling a bit with examples as a lot of the stuff in them I see refers to older children rather than little babies. So far I have no unsupervised nappies and baths, baby sleeps on my side of the room, no devices to be used near baby by hubby, no photos at all on social media (which we had actually decided long before this!) - but I can't think of much else.
got my second visit today where she will just meet with me and no hubby. Really nervous.
you have given me the first hope in weeks in this so thank you!
I am hoping to do the LFF Inform course and will be calling about getting on that one today. I have also done the NSPCC safeguarding course. Is there any others you would recommend?
I am so glad things worked out for you and just hope it does for us too. To be fair so far my SW seems lovely and supportive- she has even referred me for some counciling to make sure I'm coping ok with everything.
I have started a bit of a family plan but struggling a bit with examples as a lot of the stuff in them I see refers to older children rather than little babies. So far I have no unsupervised nappies and baths, baby sleeps on my side of the room, no devices to be used near baby by hubby, no photos at all on social media (which we had actually decided long before this!) - but I can't think of much else.
got my second visit today where she will just meet with me and no hubby. Really nervous.
Bluebell, how long was it until SS closed the case on you but letting your husband be at home?
SS are very strongly against my partner being at home and we're living separately atm but it's hell, and I'm really struggling with a tiny baby and being alone.
SS are very strongly against my partner being at home and we're living separately atm but it's hell, and I'm really struggling with a tiny baby and being alone.
Hi both,
SS were involved for about 6 months.
Once they knew I was OK after sentancing and coping ok they closed the case.
Make sure you read up on the signs of abuse etc as you will need to be aware of this.
Honestly I went the library as well and put in alot of research, I had stacks of notes id handwritten and I'd also done my own safety plan prior to SS coming out.
I too found it harder to do a safety plan for a baby as all of the examples I saw were older children.
Some of the parts I included on mine. No unsupervised contact. No nappy changes or personal care to be carried out by husband. I also had to do a support network so if I was sick or had to go to an emergency appointment SS knew I had someone who could take care of baby for me.
You also need to accept that there is an element of risk to having your other half In the house. SS will need to know that you know this and will take steps to protect your child.
I'm aware I'm lucky as some husbands have not been allowed home.
I hope you're both doing OK. I know how stressful it can be x x x x x
SS were involved for about 6 months.
Once they knew I was OK after sentancing and coping ok they closed the case.
Make sure you read up on the signs of abuse etc as you will need to be aware of this.
Honestly I went the library as well and put in alot of research, I had stacks of notes id handwritten and I'd also done my own safety plan prior to SS coming out.
I too found it harder to do a safety plan for a baby as all of the examples I saw were older children.
Some of the parts I included on mine. No unsupervised contact. No nappy changes or personal care to be carried out by husband. I also had to do a support network so if I was sick or had to go to an emergency appointment SS knew I had someone who could take care of baby for me.
You also need to accept that there is an element of risk to having your other half In the house. SS will need to know that you know this and will take steps to protect your child.
I'm aware I'm lucky as some husbands have not been allowed home.
I hope you're both doing OK. I know how stressful it can be x x x x x
Hi
thank you. I'm actually writing a safety plan as we speak and have included all of your suggestions. I haven't been asked to do one as yet but I want it in my arsenal when they do their next check up.
My meeting with them this week was OK ish. She mentioned I was protective and it was good I haven't had any other dealings with SS. But she also said at the moment they think the option is to remove hubby from the home. I have called the family rights group and they said that they have to tell you the worst case and I should make it known that that isn't my desire and to suggest alternatives instead. Hence me making the safety plan.
my husband has his visit with SS next week and we have been given some guidance on what he should say and do in that meeting to support and with all the work he is already doing to get help I'm hopeful this will help our case. I'll also get him to show the safety plan we have created (mainly me but he agrees). They can take that away and consider it then.
i also decided to start documenting the meetings. So following the session this week I sent a long email which was like "you said this and I responded this" as there was something she said this time that was really wrong in how she had noted it down and I want to avoid that in future.
she has referred me to do some therapy too which should be good and I'm just waiting to hear on the LLF inform course for me too. I have done the NSPCC course. Now I feel like I've done so much already to help my case and I won't stop. Ultimately I will fight to be heard as I haven't done anything wrong and think my baby deserves the chance to have 2 loving parents in her life. (Hubby is so excited snd is absolutely devastated that he might not get to be here). If it comes to it I will fight the child in need plan if that's the direction we go in if they won't come to a compromise with me. I know that's risky but I'm going to do what I think is right for our family but most importantly baby and if we have to go to courts we go to court. But I think they would struggle on what we know at the moment to say there was a risk of SIGNIFICANT harm. But we will see. Hope it doesn't come to that.
I have come up with a compromise if I have to of hubby only having 2/3 nights a week here to start with to ensure everything is safe and things are going well before reviewing ect. I hope I don't have to use that compromise but it's there if we need it.
I'm going to absolutely take lots of notes to show SS I have done all my research as I think that's a great idea you had!
Honestly thank you so so much for your help it's really makes me feel like there js hope so long as I put in the work and don't give up the fight.
thank you. I'm actually writing a safety plan as we speak and have included all of your suggestions. I haven't been asked to do one as yet but I want it in my arsenal when they do their next check up.
My meeting with them this week was OK ish. She mentioned I was protective and it was good I haven't had any other dealings with SS. But she also said at the moment they think the option is to remove hubby from the home. I have called the family rights group and they said that they have to tell you the worst case and I should make it known that that isn't my desire and to suggest alternatives instead. Hence me making the safety plan.
my husband has his visit with SS next week and we have been given some guidance on what he should say and do in that meeting to support and with all the work he is already doing to get help I'm hopeful this will help our case. I'll also get him to show the safety plan we have created (mainly me but he agrees). They can take that away and consider it then.
i also decided to start documenting the meetings. So following the session this week I sent a long email which was like "you said this and I responded this" as there was something she said this time that was really wrong in how she had noted it down and I want to avoid that in future.
she has referred me to do some therapy too which should be good and I'm just waiting to hear on the LLF inform course for me too. I have done the NSPCC course. Now I feel like I've done so much already to help my case and I won't stop. Ultimately I will fight to be heard as I haven't done anything wrong and think my baby deserves the chance to have 2 loving parents in her life. (Hubby is so excited snd is absolutely devastated that he might not get to be here). If it comes to it I will fight the child in need plan if that's the direction we go in if they won't come to a compromise with me. I know that's risky but I'm going to do what I think is right for our family but most importantly baby and if we have to go to courts we go to court. But I think they would struggle on what we know at the moment to say there was a risk of SIGNIFICANT harm. But we will see. Hope it doesn't come to that.
I have come up with a compromise if I have to of hubby only having 2/3 nights a week here to start with to ensure everything is safe and things are going well before reviewing ect. I hope I don't have to use that compromise but it's there if we need it.
I'm going to absolutely take lots of notes to show SS I have done all my research as I think that's a great idea you had!
Honestly thank you so so much for your help it's really makes me feel like there js hope so long as I put in the work and don't give up the fight.
Oh and forgot to add social worker confirmed our thoughts that the communications were with police decoys.
Hi,
Make sure you get the minutes from any meetings you have sent to you.
Initially I think child in need is first step. This is really the lowest level of support SS offer and nothing to be too concerned about. It's what we were on for the 6 months.
Please remember SS are there to support you with their advice. It's when you don't do as they advise that they can step it up to a CPP and then move it further if they have more concerns. As you say though they have to prove the child is at risk of significant harm.
Definitely phone the family rights group if you feel you are having issues as SS should be supporting you. Not making life more difficult.
It sounds like you're doing amazing though.
Hope you and baby are well X x x x
Make sure you get the minutes from any meetings you have sent to you.
Initially I think child in need is first step. This is really the lowest level of support SS offer and nothing to be too concerned about. It's what we were on for the 6 months.
Please remember SS are there to support you with their advice. It's when you don't do as they advise that they can step it up to a CPP and then move it further if they have more concerns. As you say though they have to prove the child is at risk of significant harm.
Definitely phone the family rights group if you feel you are having issues as SS should be supporting you. Not making life more difficult.
It sounds like you're doing amazing though.
Hope you and baby are well X x x x
Hi ScaredLamb, how are you getting on?
ive had the initial career and families assessment back from my SS and they said they're happy with me and baby, but did flag they think we're putting baby at risk by staying in a relationship as parents.
they also flagged that they think porn addiction being one of the factors is minimising - even though we just repeated what therapists and the people I've spoken to from Stop SO/Stop It Now have said. We even made it clear that there could be more, and they've flat out refused to acknowledge specialist opinions here.
All in all, frustrating and still no sign of getting partner home. But we are staying on a CIN plan so that's good at least.
Hope you're doing okay x
ive had the initial career and families assessment back from my SS and they said they're happy with me and baby, but did flag they think we're putting baby at risk by staying in a relationship as parents.
they also flagged that they think porn addiction being one of the factors is minimising - even though we just repeated what therapists and the people I've spoken to from Stop SO/Stop It Now have said. We even made it clear that there could be more, and they've flat out refused to acknowledge specialist opinions here.
All in all, frustrating and still no sign of getting partner home. But we are staying on a CIN plan so that's good at least.
Hope you're doing okay x
Hi
I'm doing ok ish.
Social worker doing assessment should have seen hubby last week or this week for his 1 to 1. (I know we are lucky they are even doing that!) but then announced she is going on holiday again. This is her 3rd week of holiday during our assessment. She is now seeing hubby on the 28th.
I called the family rights group for advise because our assessment conclusion is due 8th July on local authority timelines and I just don't think there is enough time now for her to make an informed assessment as she has lost so much time. I have also sent her my safety plan and asked for another home meeting before the assessment is concluded. The advise from FRG was just to email my concerns and if we have to challenge the decision they make at end of assessment we will be able to as I'm demonstrated that I'm already concerned we are not being given the time. Just all an absolute nightmare.
how on earth is saying he has an addiction - especially when backed up by professionals - minimising?! For goodness sake. If anything it's expressing you know the route cause and know that addiction is real and challenging and relapse can happen ect. How absolutely ridiculous.
have they given you any indication of how you can get him home or what you would need to do? As that's what I would be pushing for. I'm ok with my hubby having to move out IF I have goals and steps and actions to do to get him back. Having it as an open pathway isn't fair to anyone involved.
The whole situation is stressing me out so much. SS is far worse than the police stuff at this point which is completely wrong. And I feel like IM the one on trial to prove I can be a good parent before I'm even a parent! I just wish I knew exactly what to say and do so that they don't do what I fear the most and make hubby leave or not be at the birth because (not that I will say this to them!) but that is absolutely ridiculous.
Hang in there and I really hope it's resolved soon! What are your next steps now?
I'm doing ok ish.
Social worker doing assessment should have seen hubby last week or this week for his 1 to 1. (I know we are lucky they are even doing that!) but then announced she is going on holiday again. This is her 3rd week of holiday during our assessment. She is now seeing hubby on the 28th.
I called the family rights group for advise because our assessment conclusion is due 8th July on local authority timelines and I just don't think there is enough time now for her to make an informed assessment as she has lost so much time. I have also sent her my safety plan and asked for another home meeting before the assessment is concluded. The advise from FRG was just to email my concerns and if we have to challenge the decision they make at end of assessment we will be able to as I'm demonstrated that I'm already concerned we are not being given the time. Just all an absolute nightmare.
how on earth is saying he has an addiction - especially when backed up by professionals - minimising?! For goodness sake. If anything it's expressing you know the route cause and know that addiction is real and challenging and relapse can happen ect. How absolutely ridiculous.
have they given you any indication of how you can get him home or what you would need to do? As that's what I would be pushing for. I'm ok with my hubby having to move out IF I have goals and steps and actions to do to get him back. Having it as an open pathway isn't fair to anyone involved.
The whole situation is stressing me out so much. SS is far worse than the police stuff at this point which is completely wrong. And I feel like IM the one on trial to prove I can be a good parent before I'm even a parent! I just wish I knew exactly what to say and do so that they don't do what I fear the most and make hubby leave or not be at the birth because (not that I will say this to them!) but that is absolutely ridiculous.
Hang in there and I really hope it's resolved soon! What are your next steps now?
Hi all
thought I would post a bit of an update.
yesterday we got some positive news. On the back of me sending my safety plan to SS I had a response back telling me this: "As discussed, when I come to the end of the assessment I will share this with you about the recommendations I have made. Fortunately baby is not due until September yet I can see you continue to show a proactive response to prepare by assessing the risks and considering the dynamics in the home as well as considering your support network which is very positive I do appreciate the detailed plan, just to state again I will take all of this into consideration for recommendations that I will make and I will discuss this with you. I am not yet at the end of the assessment and will take all of these detailed points into consideration to protect baby so thanks for sending this over as I believe this is very helpful".
I think that is about as positive as an email gets from a social worker to be honest to I will be keeping that safe in case the assessment comes back differently once passed through the levels
My husband also had his 1:1 with her yesterday. From what I've read we are lucky to have been given that opportunity too as many partners are not spoken to 1:1 at all. He said it went really well. She praised him for the work he has been doing (modules, and trying to get on engage course and starts therapy Friday), she also said it seemed like he had taken full accountability for his actions and really understands the impact of them.
As she was leaving I said hello and she again said it seems like we were really protective and really dedicated to protecting baby not just when she is born but later in life (hubby had talked to her about things in the future we will do such as internet safety and not forcing her to hug and kiss people). I was also able to tell her I've started my local course that she referred to (it's basically like the LFF inform course but is 1:1 and run by a social worker)
I know we have a long long way to go but her assessment is going to be really important. And if she writes what she is saying it's going to really help us I think.
Hope you are all keeping well.
thought I would post a bit of an update.
yesterday we got some positive news. On the back of me sending my safety plan to SS I had a response back telling me this: "As discussed, when I come to the end of the assessment I will share this with you about the recommendations I have made. Fortunately baby is not due until September yet I can see you continue to show a proactive response to prepare by assessing the risks and considering the dynamics in the home as well as considering your support network which is very positive I do appreciate the detailed plan, just to state again I will take all of this into consideration for recommendations that I will make and I will discuss this with you. I am not yet at the end of the assessment and will take all of these detailed points into consideration to protect baby so thanks for sending this over as I believe this is very helpful".
I think that is about as positive as an email gets from a social worker to be honest to I will be keeping that safe in case the assessment comes back differently once passed through the levels
My husband also had his 1:1 with her yesterday. From what I've read we are lucky to have been given that opportunity too as many partners are not spoken to 1:1 at all. He said it went really well. She praised him for the work he has been doing (modules, and trying to get on engage course and starts therapy Friday), she also said it seemed like he had taken full accountability for his actions and really understands the impact of them.
As she was leaving I said hello and she again said it seems like we were really protective and really dedicated to protecting baby not just when she is born but later in life (hubby had talked to her about things in the future we will do such as internet safety and not forcing her to hug and kiss people). I was also able to tell her I've started my local course that she referred to (it's basically like the LFF inform course but is 1:1 and run by a social worker)
I know we have a long long way to go but her assessment is going to be really important. And if she writes what she is saying it's going to really help us I think.
Hope you are all keeping well.