Advice.
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Afternoon,
I was just hoping that someone might be able to reflect on their own experience to help with some concerns I have.
- How have any stay at home Mum's managed if they've decided to separate? I have three children and am worried about how I will manage financially / child care. Has anyone found jobs they've been able to do around school / nursery?
- Can anyone recommend therapy courses that have helped them personally to deal with the trauma and effects on them?
- Those if you that have stayed together, what have been the hardest problems you've had to face?
- Those that have separated, have you found it easy to go on trust anyone again?
I know a lot of people think they happy and madly in love but I really was. It's left me feeling so humiliated. I don't know how I will ever have the faith that something is genuine again.
- Have partners eventually been able to have unsupervised access? I've no reason to be concerned at all about my three children being under his care. I worry how I will manage to have a life with or especially without him if he can't have unsupervised access. His family aren't local and unless I will be able to supervise, it won't be possible for me to work or have a life if my own.
- How many people have had it reported in the press? Has it been in the local paper or worse? I believe this isn't a high profile case in anyway but obviously am so worried for my children and protecting us from any judgement or association.
Many thanks,
G.
I was just hoping that someone might be able to reflect on their own experience to help with some concerns I have.
- How have any stay at home Mum's managed if they've decided to separate? I have three children and am worried about how I will manage financially / child care. Has anyone found jobs they've been able to do around school / nursery?
- Can anyone recommend therapy courses that have helped them personally to deal with the trauma and effects on them?
- Those if you that have stayed together, what have been the hardest problems you've had to face?
- Those that have separated, have you found it easy to go on trust anyone again?
I know a lot of people think they happy and madly in love but I really was. It's left me feeling so humiliated. I don't know how I will ever have the faith that something is genuine again.
- Have partners eventually been able to have unsupervised access? I've no reason to be concerned at all about my three children being under his care. I worry how I will manage to have a life with or especially without him if he can't have unsupervised access. His family aren't local and unless I will be able to supervise, it won't be possible for me to work or have a life if my own.
- How many people have had it reported in the press? Has it been in the local paper or worse? I believe this isn't a high profile case in anyway but obviously am so worried for my children and protecting us from any judgement or association.
Many thanks,
G.
Sorry you've found yourself here...
I can only answer a few of your questions.
My husband's hasn't been fully investigated yet so still waiting.
I have stayed with my husband, we don't have kids but had been together seven years when the knock came... I think for me, it's been difficult to seperate myself from my husband for some reason. It's not the first time I've caught him doing something stupid online but the previous occassion was all within the realms of the law.
I often ask why I haven't left yet, it's mainly because I guess I have some attachment issues, I love him and he's making small steps to be a better person.
It hasn't been easy being together and it still continues to be really difficult. Unless your partner is willing to address their issues there's no point in staying together for the kids. Nobody wins that way. Sorry to be so blunt!
For you, I'd recommend a StopSo therapist. They specialise in sexual misconduct cases for both the family affected and the perpetrator.
Regardless of whether you stay or not, focus on yourself and the children for now. Let your husband focus on himself. That's what I've been doing, not withdrawing support completely but doing things that make me happy.
I'll say, it's not easy though. I'm going through a period of resentment and hatred against my husband at the moment. Oddly enough he understands and he's maturing because he's not constantly being hostile and defending himself. I don't know whether I want him to stay, move out for a while or just be shot of him. All these things I'm feeling are okay, they're normal given situation. And all these thing your feeling are okay too. Explore them with a therapist, focus on you and the kids and your husband can sort himself out.
I can only answer a few of your questions.
My husband's hasn't been fully investigated yet so still waiting.
I have stayed with my husband, we don't have kids but had been together seven years when the knock came... I think for me, it's been difficult to seperate myself from my husband for some reason. It's not the first time I've caught him doing something stupid online but the previous occassion was all within the realms of the law.
I often ask why I haven't left yet, it's mainly because I guess I have some attachment issues, I love him and he's making small steps to be a better person.
It hasn't been easy being together and it still continues to be really difficult. Unless your partner is willing to address their issues there's no point in staying together for the kids. Nobody wins that way. Sorry to be so blunt!
For you, I'd recommend a StopSo therapist. They specialise in sexual misconduct cases for both the family affected and the perpetrator.
Regardless of whether you stay or not, focus on yourself and the children for now. Let your husband focus on himself. That's what I've been doing, not withdrawing support completely but doing things that make me happy.
I'll say, it's not easy though. I'm going through a period of resentment and hatred against my husband at the moment. Oddly enough he understands and he's maturing because he's not constantly being hostile and defending himself. I don't know whether I want him to stay, move out for a while or just be shot of him. All these things I'm feeling are okay, they're normal given situation. And all these thing your feeling are okay too. Explore them with a therapist, focus on you and the kids and your husband can sort himself out.
Thank you, that was very helpful advice. Nice to not feel quite so alone. I'm sorry you feel that way too.
I will look into that therapy thanks.
I will look into that therapy thanks.