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so although I feel I am getting myself sorted. I am still worried about my ex. He has a disciplinary hearing in the next few weeks which I expect his to be dismissed from work. He is also not in a union. I am guessing he had some right to tea presentation.
Its just so depressing. I just hope he will be okay.!i imagine the mental stress of worries about money and supporting his family will be incredibly difficult.
i have tried to reassure him I have some savings and will be okay with mortgage for a few months and I am okay if need to sell the house. I don’t really want to stay there anyway because we brought it as a family home and are now not a family.
i just worried about the mental impact of money issues. I know I can’t fix the situation for him but I am guessing it’s going to be another hurdle for him to overcome.
these emotional difficulties are so hard. I am annoyed at him but deeply worried about him too.
Its just so depressing. I just hope he will be okay.!i imagine the mental stress of worries about money and supporting his family will be incredibly difficult.
i have tried to reassure him I have some savings and will be okay with mortgage for a few months and I am okay if need to sell the house. I don’t really want to stay there anyway because we brought it as a family home and are now not a family.
i just worried about the mental impact of money issues. I know I can’t fix the situation for him but I am guessing it’s going to be another hurdle for him to overcome.
these emotional difficulties are so hard. I am annoyed at him but deeply worried about him too.
Very true poster. It’s so raw. I don’t mind you being blunt at all. I have made my decision. I have left the relationship.
your right my major fear is his suicidal tendencies and the anxiety of that makes me feel so sick.
I like how you put it in a chapter of a book. This is the next start in plot twist. If he gets suspended from work. He did this to himself and although I empathise he really was stupid. It just shocks me how someone can put themselves in the situation where a secretive sexual fantasy causes them to loose everything.
I will speak to my counsellor about holding on to feeling I need to make it better and allowing the thought he is responsible for his actions. Looking back at my marriage I suppose I wanted to save him when only he could save himself. My gosh it’s super complex.
Yes financially I know I can cope children just need their mums to be emotionally available and there. They don’t need big holidays just happy memories. Your boys must really respect that you have fought for their well-being all along.
I simply need to make peace with him being in pain it’s upsetting but your so right.
I am so blessed to have my daughter and will focus on that. I am greatful my mum does one of his contacts as it’s giving me some head space and when I go back to work, hopefully at end of the month. It should give me something to focus on rather than going around in circles.
your right my major fear is his suicidal tendencies and the anxiety of that makes me feel so sick.
I like how you put it in a chapter of a book. This is the next start in plot twist. If he gets suspended from work. He did this to himself and although I empathise he really was stupid. It just shocks me how someone can put themselves in the situation where a secretive sexual fantasy causes them to loose everything.
I will speak to my counsellor about holding on to feeling I need to make it better and allowing the thought he is responsible for his actions. Looking back at my marriage I suppose I wanted to save him when only he could save himself. My gosh it’s super complex.
Yes financially I know I can cope children just need their mums to be emotionally available and there. They don’t need big holidays just happy memories. Your boys must really respect that you have fought for their well-being all along.
I simply need to make peace with him being in pain it’s upsetting but your so right.
I am so blessed to have my daughter and will focus on that. I am greatful my mum does one of his contacts as it’s giving me some head space and when I go back to work, hopefully at end of the month. It should give me something to focus on rather than going around in circles.
Bethlou your ex can contact Acas for advice. He can also have someone atttend any disciplinary hearing with him. Has he told any friends or a family member? It doesn’t have to be a union member, he can be accompanied by a colleague or anyone within reason.
I would suggest he rings your house insurance provider, sometimes you have employment legal cover.
Ti be honest my Union rep was as helpful as a chocolate teapot, nice guy but he was ineffectual. I did value his attendance as an independent witness in meetings but it doesn’t have to be a union representative.
As poster says you are in no way responsible for his welfare but I understand how sad you are and how helpless you feel to see someone you cared and still care about in this situation. Not your worry in reality but it bloody hurts.
I would suggest he rings your house insurance provider, sometimes you have employment legal cover.
Ti be honest my Union rep was as helpful as a chocolate teapot, nice guy but he was ineffectual. I did value his attendance as an independent witness in meetings but it doesn’t have to be a union representative.
As poster says you are in no way responsible for his welfare but I understand how sad you are and how helpless you feel to see someone you cared and still care about in this situation. Not your worry in reality but it bloody hurts.
Thanks jaded for the practical advice. I will let him know.
your right it is bloody painful. We were a happy family up until the 19th December the day before the knock. It’s hard to turn off those feelings. I just felt a huge sadness for him and it pains my heart. I know I didn’t cause it and it’s not my job to fix but it’s got to be human to care.
its him that’s worried about letting me down and not paying to support us. But I know he will when he can he just has to get through this and deal with the consequences. I also like what poster said it’s his choice not mine if she grows up from the situation or lets it break him.
the consequences of the offence are so shattering he is worried to tell his mum as she isn’t that forgiving. He does need to reach out more though outside of myself and the psychiatric team. He has one non judgmental friend I hop he chooses to open up.
this obsessive sexual desire or what ever it is has ruined him. He is completely broken z I do think once he can establish himself. I will be able to grieve better. I have already had a good cry so think that helps. I am also on this forum so much to help me break away from messaging him! And it’s working. Though I do feel bad for living my day to day online. Maybe going back to work will help who knows.
its an opportunity for change which has to be good xxx
your right it is bloody painful. We were a happy family up until the 19th December the day before the knock. It’s hard to turn off those feelings. I just felt a huge sadness for him and it pains my heart. I know I didn’t cause it and it’s not my job to fix but it’s got to be human to care.
its him that’s worried about letting me down and not paying to support us. But I know he will when he can he just has to get through this and deal with the consequences. I also like what poster said it’s his choice not mine if she grows up from the situation or lets it break him.
the consequences of the offence are so shattering he is worried to tell his mum as she isn’t that forgiving. He does need to reach out more though outside of myself and the psychiatric team. He has one non judgmental friend I hop he chooses to open up.
this obsessive sexual desire or what ever it is has ruined him. He is completely broken z I do think once he can establish himself. I will be able to grieve better. I have already had a good cry so think that helps. I am also on this forum so much to help me break away from messaging him! And it’s working. Though I do feel bad for living my day to day online. Maybe going back to work will help who knows.
its an opportunity for change which has to be good xxx
Hi Bethlou23
I think it's only natural to feel as you are, in reality is only a few weeks since your life as you knew it was turned upside down and inside out, I still believe we will never be the same again but that doesn't mean we can't be happy again, it'll just be different.
I agree unions are with the paper they are written on, I've had dealings with them in my work and even I can run rings round them but he would be better to have someone to go with, friend or family but not you, you can't hold him up constantly. He's made this mess, he knew looking at those images was wrong, he knew it was illegal and on some level he must I of known he could get caught!
You need to be kinder to yourself and your daughter and he needs to get on with it.
I felt so sad yesterday (and today) after seeing my husband please guilty and especially that fact that he was on his own but that's his choice, I can't do anything about it and neither can you.
As for suicide, I think my husband is very much at risk between now and his sentencing and it would break my heart if he did it, again on a humane level, but, we can't be with them, we can't make those decisions for them, it is their choice just like everything else has been, none of this has been your choice or decision.
Sorry to sound harsh but I just want you to know you are doing so well, you are getting on with it, and yes I know about the messaging, I used to find the silliest of reasons to do the same but come on here if you feel the urge. I wish I could give you my number or even better meet up with all you lovely people.
Lots of love xx
I think it's only natural to feel as you are, in reality is only a few weeks since your life as you knew it was turned upside down and inside out, I still believe we will never be the same again but that doesn't mean we can't be happy again, it'll just be different.
I agree unions are with the paper they are written on, I've had dealings with them in my work and even I can run rings round them but he would be better to have someone to go with, friend or family but not you, you can't hold him up constantly. He's made this mess, he knew looking at those images was wrong, he knew it was illegal and on some level he must I of known he could get caught!
You need to be kinder to yourself and your daughter and he needs to get on with it.
I felt so sad yesterday (and today) after seeing my husband please guilty and especially that fact that he was on his own but that's his choice, I can't do anything about it and neither can you.
As for suicide, I think my husband is very much at risk between now and his sentencing and it would break my heart if he did it, again on a humane level, but, we can't be with them, we can't make those decisions for them, it is their choice just like everything else has been, none of this has been your choice or decision.
Sorry to sound harsh but I just want you to know you are doing so well, you are getting on with it, and yes I know about the messaging, I used to find the silliest of reasons to do the same but come on here if you feel the urge. I wish I could give you my number or even better meet up with all you lovely people.
Lots of love xx
Thanks Tracey, yes it certainly won’t be me going with him. He needs to do this alone. Absolutely he must have known it was wrong I just think he was so arrogant to think he wouldn’t be caught.
It’s certainly a different life. I am standing firm in my decision as don’t want to sacrifice my job to be with him and the betrayal has been huge.
you have all been so supportive. I have to get through the grief and sadness, you were so strong to go to court. I believe it was the right decision although it’s got to be horribly painful.
i don’t think your harsh at all your advice is what I truly need. I am doing my best to fill the days and going to a birthday party with my daughter today. I am pleased your also not alone after a difficult week. I hope the police and health team can support your husband. It’s so sad that the situation can make men completely hopeless and sentencing and the media are big deals.
Your so right it is there choices that have led them down this path.
It’s certainly a different life. I am standing firm in my decision as don’t want to sacrifice my job to be with him and the betrayal has been huge.
you have all been so supportive. I have to get through the grief and sadness, you were so strong to go to court. I believe it was the right decision although it’s got to be horribly painful.
i don’t think your harsh at all your advice is what I truly need. I am doing my best to fill the days and going to a birthday party with my daughter today. I am pleased your also not alone after a difficult week. I hope the police and health team can support your husband. It’s so sad that the situation can make men completely hopeless and sentencing and the media are big deals.
Your so right it is there choices that have led them down this path.