Why don’t you hate him?
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I've been asked this question by somebody in my circle who has known from the start what I've been going through.
i was talking with her about meeting up with my now ex my youngest dad to give him some of his items from the home and having a catch up with him and her reply was I thought you would hate him why don't you hate him? This question stumped me I couldn't give her an answer it has also bothered me for days so I'm writing here to see if anyone else feels the same and can help get my thoughts in order.
Hate is a strong word and I know I should hate him but I don't. What do I feel for him? It's not love, maybe it's pity for him I just don't know. I know I'm hurt and disgusted by him and I feel let down but I feel like I've lost one of my bestest friends, the one I could talk to about anything. I find myself ringing him once a day just to moan about something. Is this weak of me? I think it is. We used to work together and he was thought of quiet highly in the work place. I realise I was proud of him for that but now I worry what will happen if it all gets out at work what will they think and say then? He was one of those blokes u could rely on he'd do anything for anyone and people took advantage of that. That will all be forgotten when the secret comes out because he will be labelled, branded something else. I mourn for the bloke he was the family man and the relationship we once had. Our SW has already made her mind up about him. She's made it quiet clear what she thinks of him and how he should be punished. She only knows this dark side of him not the side I know.
so 8 months down the line and no contact with the kids is killing me so I don't know what it's doing to him. SW comes in every now and again says her piece checks the children and leaves. Leaves me feeling deflated and questioning my parenting I then build my confidence back up just in time for the next visit by her to do it all again. When will it all end? When and will we ever be able to go back to some normal kind of family life? I don't know I just don't know.
i was talking with her about meeting up with my now ex my youngest dad to give him some of his items from the home and having a catch up with him and her reply was I thought you would hate him why don't you hate him? This question stumped me I couldn't give her an answer it has also bothered me for days so I'm writing here to see if anyone else feels the same and can help get my thoughts in order.
Hate is a strong word and I know I should hate him but I don't. What do I feel for him? It's not love, maybe it's pity for him I just don't know. I know I'm hurt and disgusted by him and I feel let down but I feel like I've lost one of my bestest friends, the one I could talk to about anything. I find myself ringing him once a day just to moan about something. Is this weak of me? I think it is. We used to work together and he was thought of quiet highly in the work place. I realise I was proud of him for that but now I worry what will happen if it all gets out at work what will they think and say then? He was one of those blokes u could rely on he'd do anything for anyone and people took advantage of that. That will all be forgotten when the secret comes out because he will be labelled, branded something else. I mourn for the bloke he was the family man and the relationship we once had. Our SW has already made her mind up about him. She's made it quiet clear what she thinks of him and how he should be punished. She only knows this dark side of him not the side I know.
so 8 months down the line and no contact with the kids is killing me so I don't know what it's doing to him. SW comes in every now and again says her piece checks the children and leaves. Leaves me feeling deflated and questioning my parenting I then build my confidence back up just in time for the next visit by her to do it all again. When will it all end? When and will we ever be able to go back to some normal kind of family life? I don't know I just don't know.
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Hi all, it’s easy for other people to say they would hate someone or you should hate someone but until you’ve been in that situation yourself nobody knows how they would feel so I suppose they shouldn’t judge.
I know that some of my friends and acquaintances think he is scum for what he did and I should hate him and move on but its not that easy, u can’t just turn your feelings off. If anything I feel sorry for him (he’s in prison, 2 years) but I still talk to him and over a year later I still miss him every day and the life we had. I hate what he did for ruining the future I thought we had. Sometimes I think am I a mug for feeling this way!
Your right All over the place society doesn’t want to understand the why’s and what made them do it. And if it hits the press they are portrayed to be monsters how can this help them and they’re families!
take care x
I know that some of my friends and acquaintances think he is scum for what he did and I should hate him and move on but its not that easy, u can’t just turn your feelings off. If anything I feel sorry for him (he’s in prison, 2 years) but I still talk to him and over a year later I still miss him every day and the life we had. I hate what he did for ruining the future I thought we had. Sometimes I think am I a mug for feeling this way!
Your right All over the place society doesn’t want to understand the why’s and what made them do it. And if it hits the press they are portrayed to be monsters how can this help them and they’re families!
take care x
Thank you for ur replies.
I know my ex will be labelled and has already been labelled. Some family that know have called him the p word even my oldest child from a previous relationship has called him that. I know I hate that word even thinking now. Society and SW want to put a label on things. Stick them in a category, a box and even in jail and forget about them. They need help and support and we do too. My SW keeps telling me that she thinks he will go to prison I want to say that really won't help my situation because when he is released we will be back here it will feel like I'm back to square one. Plus hearing her say this doesn't help my mental state.
ur right about SW telling lies, twisting things I've even had this from the school and from our health visitor I've learnt to question them and have my say about things
like my best friend recently said no one can comment no one can judge us they need to walk a day in our shoes.
take care stay safe x
I know my ex will be labelled and has already been labelled. Some family that know have called him the p word even my oldest child from a previous relationship has called him that. I know I hate that word even thinking now. Society and SW want to put a label on things. Stick them in a category, a box and even in jail and forget about them. They need help and support and we do too. My SW keeps telling me that she thinks he will go to prison I want to say that really won't help my situation because when he is released we will be back here it will feel like I'm back to square one. Plus hearing her say this doesn't help my mental state.
ur right about SW telling lies, twisting things I've even had this from the school and from our health visitor I've learnt to question them and have my say about things
like my best friend recently said no one can comment no one can judge us they need to walk a day in our shoes.
take care stay safe x