My son's story.
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I can't believe there exists a forum for ppl like us!!
My story in short! My son was abused at age 10 and has had problems ever since. He never really touched children but was looking at them while in toilet and other such issues. He went to boarding school where he started therapy for that reason. he did have sex with a boy in his boarding school several times (he was 16) but that was worked on in therapy. Salvation only came when we finally realized he needed meds for his OCD/sexual compulsions. I did have my suspicions that he is attracted to kids but was hoping it's not that...
With meds things have been stable for 2 years thank God. He is now 18. He is still in weekly therapy. He comes home twice a year and that's when I let him use (very filtered) devices. A few weeks ago he managed to get on youtube (videos wouldn't play but he could search) and I found some of the searches. One of them was very disturbing. (naked children) I told this to his therapist who told me this is a regression and he will talk it out with my son. I could cope with him searching for porn, which is normal...but this... sometimes I wish I would have any struggle but this. I'm still hoping he had no idea this kind of search is illegal and will never do it again once he knows this. I guess I will never be calm even with the meds and therapy. The danger of him offending kids will always be there, I assume? Even though I am reading there are pedo's who never offend but who wants to live that kind of life? I'm sad but happy at the same time that there might be ppl who understand! This is such a lonely life, we can't discuss this with anyone...
Thanks so much for listening.
My story in short! My son was abused at age 10 and has had problems ever since. He never really touched children but was looking at them while in toilet and other such issues. He went to boarding school where he started therapy for that reason. he did have sex with a boy in his boarding school several times (he was 16) but that was worked on in therapy. Salvation only came when we finally realized he needed meds for his OCD/sexual compulsions. I did have my suspicions that he is attracted to kids but was hoping it's not that...
With meds things have been stable for 2 years thank God. He is now 18. He is still in weekly therapy. He comes home twice a year and that's when I let him use (very filtered) devices. A few weeks ago he managed to get on youtube (videos wouldn't play but he could search) and I found some of the searches. One of them was very disturbing. (naked children) I told this to his therapist who told me this is a regression and he will talk it out with my son. I could cope with him searching for porn, which is normal...but this... sometimes I wish I would have any struggle but this. I'm still hoping he had no idea this kind of search is illegal and will never do it again once he knows this. I guess I will never be calm even with the meds and therapy. The danger of him offending kids will always be there, I assume? Even though I am reading there are pedo's who never offend but who wants to live that kind of life? I'm sad but happy at the same time that there might be ppl who understand! This is such a lonely life, we can't discuss this with anyone...
Thanks so much for listening.
I was so excited to have found this forum. But it seems too quiet ????
Anyone knows about a chat support group like a FB group maybe? for parents of offenders? This is so lonely.
Anyone knows about a chat support group like a FB group maybe? for parents of offenders? This is so lonely.
Helen
Hope you are doing well ? People on this forum don't really say the P word as a majority are not, they fell down a rabbit hole through porn addiction.
I am pleased your son is getting help, and so sorry to hear he was abused at such a young age, he's obviously had his life taken from him as life won't be the same.
Do you speak to your son regularly? Maybe you could also bring into conversation of the importance of searching for certain things are illegal and can land you in massive trouble.
Unfortunately you are right this is a very lonely place where none of us want to be god knows why we have been dealt this pack of cards now we have to play with the hand we've been given. I personally am stuck in a rut not sure what way to turn but hopefully I'll get there, my son is being charged for iioc . Take care
Hope you are doing well ? People on this forum don't really say the P word as a majority are not, they fell down a rabbit hole through porn addiction.
I am pleased your son is getting help, and so sorry to hear he was abused at such a young age, he's obviously had his life taken from him as life won't be the same.
Do you speak to your son regularly? Maybe you could also bring into conversation of the importance of searching for certain things are illegal and can land you in massive trouble.
Unfortunately you are right this is a very lonely place where none of us want to be god knows why we have been dealt this pack of cards now we have to play with the hand we've been given. I personally am stuck in a rut not sure what way to turn but hopefully I'll get there, my son is being charged for iioc . Take care
Thanks so much for your reply! Yes, sorry about that word. I see most ppl here have kids/partners who searched for child images. My son seems attracted to younger kids so my mission in life is to make sure he never ever hurts someone. So far, things are going well with the meds and therapy but the fear will never leave us.
Sorry about your son, this is so hard and I thank you for taking the time to answer me. Sending you strength!
Sorry about your son, this is so hard and I thank you for taking the time to answer me. Sending you strength!
Helen
It's weired isn't it as the men who look for iioc are not attracted to children they just seem to fall deeper into the porn fantasy world. I'm pleased that you know how to help your son stay on track . The modules on this page may help your son understand more too.
There is a post on here if you search about (reaching out )and there some ladies including me that have added there mums net user name. If you are on mums net or want to join please do ..
It's not always easy to keep an eye on here as you can't really see what questions or advice people want when u click reply also on mums net it is connected to your email address so pops up when someone replys
Thank you for the strength sending the same back to you .
It's weired isn't it as the men who look for iioc are not attracted to children they just seem to fall deeper into the porn fantasy world. I'm pleased that you know how to help your son stay on track . The modules on this page may help your son understand more too.
There is a post on here if you search about (reaching out )and there some ladies including me that have added there mums net user name. If you are on mums net or want to join please do ..
It's not always easy to keep an eye on here as you can't really see what questions or advice people want when u click reply also on mums net it is connected to your email address so pops up when someone replys
Thank you for the strength sending the same back to you .
Heya Helen,
There a video I once watched that might be good for you to watch as well called inside the life of a virtuous pedophile. It's on YouTube and it's about a man over in America who knows he is sexually attracted to children but takes active safeguarding measures to ensure that he never acts on them. It's about ten minuets and I thought since your son seems to potentially be going down that path ( from what you've put down) it might be worth a worth. People cannot help what they they're attracted to but they can help the way they act.
Also as a slight deviation from the whole down the rabbit hole thing... My husband didn't fall down a rabbit hole. He isn't addicted to pornography. He made a stupid mistake four to five times while confused about his sexuality in the midst of undiagnosed drunk induced depression. For some bizarre reason he chose to use some images that could almost be considered adult age. That doesn't mean I condone what he did and it doesn't make it any less illegal, the fact that the images were borderline adult images. Some men genuinely don't know how to grow up... Some men have a but of a horrible past with abuse and such... It means that I can understand how sometimes people with a lesser resolve than myself could make that mistake.
He's on a good amount of meds now and has had a good couple of sessions with a StopSo therapist.
It's good to know that your son is also seeking therapy help as well as yourself every week. If we all check up on ourselves on e in a while, we can be better people and have better understanding.
I hope you find some solice in this forum... Bare with us if we do not reply immediately, we're just trying to get through everyday ATM..
There a video I once watched that might be good for you to watch as well called inside the life of a virtuous pedophile. It's on YouTube and it's about a man over in America who knows he is sexually attracted to children but takes active safeguarding measures to ensure that he never acts on them. It's about ten minuets and I thought since your son seems to potentially be going down that path ( from what you've put down) it might be worth a worth. People cannot help what they they're attracted to but they can help the way they act.
Also as a slight deviation from the whole down the rabbit hole thing... My husband didn't fall down a rabbit hole. He isn't addicted to pornography. He made a stupid mistake four to five times while confused about his sexuality in the midst of undiagnosed drunk induced depression. For some bizarre reason he chose to use some images that could almost be considered adult age. That doesn't mean I condone what he did and it doesn't make it any less illegal, the fact that the images were borderline adult images. Some men genuinely don't know how to grow up... Some men have a but of a horrible past with abuse and such... It means that I can understand how sometimes people with a lesser resolve than myself could make that mistake.
He's on a good amount of meds now and has had a good couple of sessions with a StopSo therapist.
It's good to know that your son is also seeking therapy help as well as yourself every week. If we all check up on ourselves on e in a while, we can be better people and have better understanding.
I hope you find some solice in this forum... Bare with us if we do not reply immediately, we're just trying to get through everyday ATM..
Thanks so much blackhound! Yes, would love to see that YouTube video!
It's such a confusing situation, isn't it...
Just had a long conversation with my son today. It was a good, productive convo. I told him what he does between him and the toilet is his own issue (even tho we're very religious but this is preferable than any other thing) but he cannot do anything to hurt another human being and by him watching others, he is hurting them too. And trying to look for kids stuff is the same as hurting them. (he hasn't really looked online at stuff bc he doesn't have the chance, all devices around him are heavily filtered) but he can stare at others in the toilets...(which he thought was harmless)
Hope we can stay on a good path. I only want the best for him. he is such a good kid. These addictions wreck lives ????
Thanks again for your reply!
It's such a confusing situation, isn't it...
Just had a long conversation with my son today. It was a good, productive convo. I told him what he does between him and the toilet is his own issue (even tho we're very religious but this is preferable than any other thing) but he cannot do anything to hurt another human being and by him watching others, he is hurting them too. And trying to look for kids stuff is the same as hurting them. (he hasn't really looked online at stuff bc he doesn't have the chance, all devices around him are heavily filtered) but he can stare at others in the toilets...(which he thought was harmless)
Hope we can stay on a good path. I only want the best for him. he is such a good kid. These addictions wreck lives ????
Thanks again for your reply!