Where to go from here...
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Hello, everyone. This is my first post here but i have been lingering around for a bit. It gives me comfort knowing i am not alone in this, however i don't think i've found any similar stories to mine so here I am wanting to seek advice.
There was no knock on our door. This was a year ago, in the midst of the pandemic, and my partner had to go back to the UK (I am in Asia). A lot has happened before the confession but long story short, I asked him point blank if he used illegal material online for sexual gratification and he admitted to doing it. At that time, he had minimized what he did, and i told him i couldn't move forward if he doesn't seek professional help, so he did and the available option for him at that time was the helpline.
It was a very difficult time for me and i've made excuses in my head saying it is probably the addiction. It also didn't help that we were physically apart. Come the end of the year last year, he managed to come back to Asia for a business trip to visit me, and that's when i knew it wasn't what i thought it was. He had finally admitted a big chunk of what he tried to hide from me -- that he is sexually attracted to teens (even young teens) and that he has a paraphilia for skirts, and that's what probably led him to those iioc.
He's four months in his therapy with a pyschosexual therapist, and i am two months in mine. He is now back in the UK since Feb this year, so we are back to our ldr. We're not married, and we have only been together for two years (majority of it is being in an ldr).
My self-esteem is in an all time low, I am now very scared to age, and i have grown to be envious of kids/teens. He wants kids, while i feel unsafe to have kids with him (which i was honest about). His therapist said that my partner is not a danger to children, even saying that he would let his daughter date him if only she wasn't a lesbian.
I know we're still early days, but i'm scared to be wasting time. I'm wondering if there are people here who have decided to still have kids with their partner given their history.
Thanks for reading
xx
There was no knock on our door. This was a year ago, in the midst of the pandemic, and my partner had to go back to the UK (I am in Asia). A lot has happened before the confession but long story short, I asked him point blank if he used illegal material online for sexual gratification and he admitted to doing it. At that time, he had minimized what he did, and i told him i couldn't move forward if he doesn't seek professional help, so he did and the available option for him at that time was the helpline.
It was a very difficult time for me and i've made excuses in my head saying it is probably the addiction. It also didn't help that we were physically apart. Come the end of the year last year, he managed to come back to Asia for a business trip to visit me, and that's when i knew it wasn't what i thought it was. He had finally admitted a big chunk of what he tried to hide from me -- that he is sexually attracted to teens (even young teens) and that he has a paraphilia for skirts, and that's what probably led him to those iioc.
He's four months in his therapy with a pyschosexual therapist, and i am two months in mine. He is now back in the UK since Feb this year, so we are back to our ldr. We're not married, and we have only been together for two years (majority of it is being in an ldr).
My self-esteem is in an all time low, I am now very scared to age, and i have grown to be envious of kids/teens. He wants kids, while i feel unsafe to have kids with him (which i was honest about). His therapist said that my partner is not a danger to children, even saying that he would let his daughter date him if only she wasn't a lesbian.
I know we're still early days, but i'm scared to be wasting time. I'm wondering if there are people here who have decided to still have kids with their partner given their history.
Thanks for reading
xx
Hello Confused2336,
Thank you for reaching out for some support and advice from the Family and Friends Forum. We have noticed that this post has not yet received a response from other forum users. I recognise that it can be difficult to write on this forum for the first time, so well done for taking this step. It can be a really difficult shock to find out that your partner has a sexual interest in children. It can also be really difficult to wrap one’s head around.
I can see that you are in a difficult situation and that there is a mixture of confusing feelings that you are trying to understand and cope with at the moment. It is really positive that your partner has been able to be honest with you about his sexual interesting in children and that yourself and your partner are receiving some support around this.
I hope that you receive some support from other forum users soon. In the mean time I suggest that you access some support from our experienced and empathetic advisors via our live chat service. I understand that you are living in Asia and therefore cannot ring our helpline but our chat service can be accessed from anywhere in the world. You can access this live chat by clicking on this link - https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/helpline/live-chat/. This chat service is confidential and anonymous.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for reaching out for some support and advice from the Family and Friends Forum. We have noticed that this post has not yet received a response from other forum users. I recognise that it can be difficult to write on this forum for the first time, so well done for taking this step. It can be a really difficult shock to find out that your partner has a sexual interest in children. It can also be really difficult to wrap one’s head around.
I can see that you are in a difficult situation and that there is a mixture of confusing feelings that you are trying to understand and cope with at the moment. It is really positive that your partner has been able to be honest with you about his sexual interesting in children and that yourself and your partner are receiving some support around this.
I hope that you receive some support from other forum users soon. In the mean time I suggest that you access some support from our experienced and empathetic advisors via our live chat service. I understand that you are living in Asia and therefore cannot ring our helpline but our chat service can be accessed from anywhere in the world. You can access this live chat by clicking on this link - https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/helpline/live-chat/. This chat service is confidential and anonymous.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy