Husband arested 4 weeks ago for viewing indecent images of children
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Hi new here i really need help i have no family just my husband who has been arrested for having indecent images of children .. i live in a small community hes on bail no one knows yet .. im so scared angry feel stupid
Help please x
Help please x
You have come to the right place and will be heard here if you want to share. It's an awful time to go through and please know that you are not alone in going through it.
If you click on the 'understanding why' bit of the forum there is a comprehensive 'advice' post by rainbowgirl80 that might be worth a look.
Its the most awful time - I'm about 5 months in and I have found taking each day as it comes and sharing with someone you trust has been essential.
There is lots of support and some advice on this forum. It can be helpful but at other times I've found its important to step away from it as it can be an emotional sinkhole too.
All the best x
If you click on the 'understanding why' bit of the forum there is a comprehensive 'advice' post by rainbowgirl80 that might be worth a look.
Its the most awful time - I'm about 5 months in and I have found taking each day as it comes and sharing with someone you trust has been essential.
There is lots of support and some advice on this forum. It can be helpful but at other times I've found its important to step away from it as it can be an emotional sinkhole too.
All the best x
Thankyou .. this isnt the first time .. i stood by him in 2011 he got 11 months ..
Its taken me a while to trust him .. but i finaly did ... or so i thought till i received the knock .. again i couldn't beleive what i was hearing ..
Im hurt angry i feel so stupid ..
I lost my famly beacuse i stood by him .. he was my second partner
Hes literaly ruined our lives again not sure i can do this again ..
We had moved he got a job we were i thought happy ..
Im really struggling
Its taken me a while to trust him .. but i finaly did ... or so i thought till i received the knock .. again i couldn't beleive what i was hearing ..
Im hurt angry i feel so stupid ..
I lost my famly beacuse i stood by him .. he was my second partner
Hes literaly ruined our lives again not sure i can do this again ..
We had moved he got a job we were i thought happy ..
Im really struggling
Susie
I'm sorry to hear your story .. you say your husband got 11 months was that in prison ?how many images was it that they found ?
Did he not get any help ? For example any counselling etc.
How devastating for you , has he opened up to you regarding how much they could find. Its such a bad addiction but not recognised as one.
I would strongly advice you to call the helpline I have really needed that sometimes.
I am here because my son has offended , be kind to yourself . Take care
I'm sorry to hear your story .. you say your husband got 11 months was that in prison ?how many images was it that they found ?
Did he not get any help ? For example any counselling etc.
How devastating for you , has he opened up to you regarding how much they could find. Its such a bad addiction but not recognised as one.
I would strongly advice you to call the helpline I have really needed that sometimes.
I am here because my son has offended , be kind to yourself . Take care
Hello hunny
My heart sank when I read your second post that this is his second arrest. You've clearly gave up so much to stand by him. It's a massive fear for us all.
I'm wondering did Lucy faithful, stop so, safer living etc exist back then? I know things have escalated so much over the past few years. Did your husband get the help to understand how he ended up where he did? Did he do any of the inform courses? Was he finished on the SOR etc?
You must feel so confused after coming so far together for it to happen all over again. Please try not to blame yourself... Whatever has led him down that dark path again... Just like the first time....you weren't to know it was going to or was happening. He's your husband not your child you cannot watch him like a hawk.
Please be gentle with yourself and try not to do anything hasty. Use the forum, helpline etc etc. There's plenty of love and support Xxxxx
My heart sank when I read your second post that this is his second arrest. You've clearly gave up so much to stand by him. It's a massive fear for us all.
I'm wondering did Lucy faithful, stop so, safer living etc exist back then? I know things have escalated so much over the past few years. Did your husband get the help to understand how he ended up where he did? Did he do any of the inform courses? Was he finished on the SOR etc?
You must feel so confused after coming so far together for it to happen all over again. Please try not to blame yourself... Whatever has led him down that dark path again... Just like the first time....you weren't to know it was going to or was happening. He's your husband not your child you cannot watch him like a hawk.
Please be gentle with yourself and try not to do anything hasty. Use the forum, helpline etc etc. There's plenty of love and support Xxxxx
Thankyou ..
He did receive some support but we never heard of this back then it was all different..
Hes told me .. i say told he wrote an 8 page letter telling me that he had been abused from aged 4 by a family member he wont say who ..
I really don't know how im going to get through this this time ..
I suffer mental health issues too i was abused as a child he knows all of it
I just cant get my head around this atal
Im his bail conditions i wasnr at court i don't know what images or how long its been going on ..
He did receive some support but we never heard of this back then it was all different..
Hes told me .. i say told he wrote an 8 page letter telling me that he had been abused from aged 4 by a family member he wont say who ..
I really don't know how im going to get through this this time ..
I suffer mental health issues too i was abused as a child he knows all of it
I just cant get my head around this atal
Im his bail conditions i wasnr at court i don't know what images or how long its been going on ..
I'm so sorry Susie. That is so so hard. Have you decided if you will stay by him this time? Hope you have support, I can't imagine how tough this all is. Hugs!
Helen22 thanks
No im really on my own
His sister isnt much help she said she'd like to think she would have the strenghth to stay and suppoft him thats ok fir her she isnt the one reliving this nightmare again
I donf have freinds only acquaintances
Keep myself to myself have had alot of mental health issues
I saved this man's life 2017 he dropped diwn dead i revived him brain anurism
He has just undergone another brain op 3 weeks before the 2nd knock ..
Imr eally struggling
No im really on my own
His sister isnt much help she said she'd like to think she would have the strenghth to stay and suppoft him thats ok fir her she isnt the one reliving this nightmare again
I donf have freinds only acquaintances
Keep myself to myself have had alot of mental health issues
I saved this man's life 2017 he dropped diwn dead i revived him brain anurism
He has just undergone another brain op 3 weeks before the 2nd knock ..
Imr eally struggling
So things aren't any better im glad i have my work to keep me sane .. phoned GP as i am struggling to sleep eat .. work is my only constant ..
He just seems to be in an other world hes at work fir the time being ...
Separate rooms weekends are the hardest
Life as i know it is in limbo
Life will never ever be the same
I know i cant live with him anymore but im part of his bail conditions ..
So kinda stuck
Wish i could be horrible and say no i don't want him here .. but hed have no where to go .. he says he can't do it without me .. he should have thought about that before he did what he did ..
He just seems to be in an other world hes at work fir the time being ...
Separate rooms weekends are the hardest
Life as i know it is in limbo
Life will never ever be the same
I know i cant live with him anymore but im part of his bail conditions ..
So kinda stuck
Wish i could be horrible and say no i don't want him here .. but hed have no where to go .. he says he can't do it without me .. he should have thought about that before he did what he did ..
Hi Susie65,
i think you are absolutely amazing, i am struggling to get through this for the first time and its been hard we have 2 children, i am ashamed of wat he has done, some of our friends and my family have been amazing but some of them have turned their backs, he knows if he ever did this again it would be over for good and i wouldnt care wat the kids would want. I suffer with my mental health and our eldest has bad mental health and having them both run along side each other has been so hard. you say he has been ill with head issues, IM NOT MAKING EXUSES for him but could that of triggered it off again for him? i dont no just wondering. we are all here to help you through this bad time. keep talking to this forum or text shout they might be able to help i no i have
i think you are absolutely amazing, i am struggling to get through this for the first time and its been hard we have 2 children, i am ashamed of wat he has done, some of our friends and my family have been amazing but some of them have turned their backs, he knows if he ever did this again it would be over for good and i wouldnt care wat the kids would want. I suffer with my mental health and our eldest has bad mental health and having them both run along side each other has been so hard. you say he has been ill with head issues, IM NOT MAKING EXUSES for him but could that of triggered it off again for him? i dont no just wondering. we are all here to help you through this bad time. keep talking to this forum or text shout they might be able to help i no i have
Dawn14 whats text shout? Xx
Hi someone mentioned text shout?
I really need to speak message someone i really am struggling
My gp put me forward for counciling but its awaiting list .. so who knows when ill get help ..
I really just need to talk
I really need to speak message someone i really am struggling
My gp put me forward for counciling but its awaiting list .. so who knows when ill get help ..
I really just need to talk
Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. We launched publicly in May 2019 and we've had more than 500,000 conversations with people who are anxious, stressed, depressed, suicidal or overwhelmed and who need immediate support.
Hi Susie65,
sorry only just got your message, shout is a text service u can use, unfortunately it isnt free but they can talk to u, its a bit like the smaritians.
sorry only just got your message, shout is a text service u can use, unfortunately it isnt free but they can talk to u, its a bit like the smaritians.
Thankyou snow drop and dawn 14 .. i really have no one i can talk to no family either so on my own ..
Hi i tried the shout ? It came back failed ? Is it the word shout tben the number 85258 is rhe number i was given ? They said it was free ? Maybe thats the problem i dont pay messages ? Sorry for being thick.
Susie
Susie
Hi Suzie
You text SHOUT to the number stated.... Best wishes ...
BTW you can also Google it for advice and how to contact support...
You text SHOUT to the number stated.... Best wishes ...
BTW you can also Google it for advice and how to contact support...
Thankyou rainbowgirl .. xx
Thankyou rainbowgirl .. xx
Well its been a long weekend . We sleeping seperately i cant stand to be touched or be near him ..
Work as usual both of us .. eat together
But i dont want to do anything with him
He kind of took the huff when i said i didnt want to go with him.yestrday
I think he now realises things aren't going to be the same .. how he coild have thought they would be beats me !?
Its really hard living in the same house trying to.just get through it im really struggling
Havent heard any more from police i know from last time it took months
I didnt really know what hed been accessing tbe first time when he got an 11 month custodial sentence i dont want to know this time either ..
He was given a booklet with numbers to phone and supposed to be able to.print off modules for him to do ? Cant seem to find them it was the reeling booklet
This is soo b#$%$# hard i dont know if i can do this again for months ..
Hes on bail but that was only beacause i am still here .. also aa he had only just been days in from havinvg brain surgery ..
Thanks for listening x
Work as usual both of us .. eat together
But i dont want to do anything with him
He kind of took the huff when i said i didnt want to go with him.yestrday
I think he now realises things aren't going to be the same .. how he coild have thought they would be beats me !?
Its really hard living in the same house trying to.just get through it im really struggling
Havent heard any more from police i know from last time it took months
I didnt really know what hed been accessing tbe first time when he got an 11 month custodial sentence i dont want to know this time either ..
He was given a booklet with numbers to phone and supposed to be able to.print off modules for him to do ? Cant seem to find them it was the reeling booklet
This is soo b#$%$# hard i dont know if i can do this again for months ..
Hes on bail but that was only beacause i am still here .. also aa he had only just been days in from havinvg brain surgery ..
Thanks for listening x
Hi Susie65,
It is understandable to feel the wat you are feeling, i know how hard it is the first time so going through it again must be unbearable. You must remember its NOT your fault and he obviously has a problem, just take each day at a time and remember you are not alone, we are always here to help and talk too.
He needs to understand how hard this is for you and how upsetting it is, i think this a problem they really dont think about or even consider how hard it is for us.
here if you need to chat and i dont ming if you want to message me
It is understandable to feel the wat you are feeling, i know how hard it is the first time so going through it again must be unbearable. You must remember its NOT your fault and he obviously has a problem, just take each day at a time and remember you are not alone, we are always here to help and talk too.
He needs to understand how hard this is for you and how upsetting it is, i think this a problem they really dont think about or even consider how hard it is for us.
here if you need to chat and i dont ming if you want to message me
Dawn14 thankyou .. x
Its just really dwaned on me again how long this is going to take its just us its bad enough at the weekends as we are both home ...
He just wants to be normal its never going to be normal again
Its just really dwaned on me again how long this is going to take its just us its bad enough at the weekends as we are both home ...
He just wants to be normal its never going to be normal again
Hi Susie.
I totally get where you are coming from.
in the same boat, except it's our first time going through this and I have 2 children at home.
Most days I really don't want him here but he has attempted suicide so I feel like I have to have him here to keep an eye on him. It's so so hard. I am so angry and deeply unhappy that my happy marriage has been shattered and life as I knew it is gone.
we are functioning for the sake of our children but it's really hard.
I feelmlike when this gets out my friends are going to turn their backs and also be really cross that I have tried to carry on as normal but it's all I know how to do right now.
Feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place through no fault of my own!
Tomorrow is another day ......
I totally get where you are coming from.
in the same boat, except it's our first time going through this and I have 2 children at home.
Most days I really don't want him here but he has attempted suicide so I feel like I have to have him here to keep an eye on him. It's so so hard. I am so angry and deeply unhappy that my happy marriage has been shattered and life as I knew it is gone.
we are functioning for the sake of our children but it's really hard.
I feelmlike when this gets out my friends are going to turn their backs and also be really cross that I have tried to carry on as normal but it's all I know how to do right now.
Feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place through no fault of my own!
Tomorrow is another day ......
Starry
Im soo soo sorry xx heres me going on ..
I know i feel the same way .. life as we know it is over and never going to be the same ..
Its going to be a long long year the only godsend is it didnt happen in first lock down
We were both on furlough can you imagine being cooped up for months with this .. at least we are both working for now its the only staple in my life .. i have no one family wise i stood by him they disowned me and for good reason ..
They were right i was wrong !
Im soo soo sorry xx heres me going on ..
I know i feel the same way .. life as we know it is over and never going to be the same ..
Its going to be a long long year the only godsend is it didnt happen in first lock down
We were both on furlough can you imagine being cooped up for months with this .. at least we are both working for now its the only staple in my life .. i have no one family wise i stood by him they disowned me and for good reason ..
They were right i was wrong !
Oh Susie!
We are all in the similar boats riding different storms!
You're right. Thank god it wasn't in lockdown, weekends are bad enough.
I don't have family around me and don't want to speak to any of friends.
Work and my children are my only norm, knowing it can all be torn apart in a minute is destroying me.
I honestly don't know how I have got through the last 3 months but I have.
Definately going to be a long year.
We are all in the similar boats riding different storms!
You're right. Thank god it wasn't in lockdown, weekends are bad enough.
I don't have family around me and don't want to speak to any of friends.
Work and my children are my only norm, knowing it can all be torn apart in a minute is destroying me.
I honestly don't know how I have got through the last 3 months but I have.
Definately going to be a long year.
Starry thankyou xx it certainly is going to be a long year
Hes started some modules on the stop it forum he has also been and registered for the online 10 week course for lucy faithfull but could take a few weeks to set up this is all new none of this was available the last time .. or if it was we wernt informed about it ..
So this a step forward for him
Hes also been given a website to go to re his childhood abuse . .. so thats also a step forward although he isnt willing to go there yet .. but he needs to tbis is why hes in this mess
Thankyou starry xxx
Susie
Hes started some modules on the stop it forum he has also been and registered for the online 10 week course for lucy faithfull but could take a few weeks to set up this is all new none of this was available the last time .. or if it was we wernt informed about it ..
So this a step forward for him
Hes also been given a website to go to re his childhood abuse . .. so thats also a step forward although he isnt willing to go there yet .. but he needs to tbis is why hes in this mess
Thankyou starry xxx
Susie
Morning
Susie
Morning .. how are you doing ? X
Morning .. how are you doing ? X
Not great to be honest .. crying alot waiting for counciling waiting list .. hes getting help im not ! Still so angry hur,t stupid ,dirty ... one of my clients had her great grand kids over i had to leave the guilt was unbearable .. my client was great she didnt want me to leave but i did .
I just feel dirty and guilty really not coping at all
Sorry x
I just feel dirty and guilty really not coping at all
Sorry x
Sorry to hear you are crying a lot, this situation is so hard for us, we don't get the support we need or deserve
, always here if you need to chat x
, always here if you need to chat x
Thanks dawn14 xx
Susie65,
Hi love no problem x I no how lonely it can feel
Hi love no problem x I no how lonely it can feel