Making decisions blind
Notifications OFF
Making decisions blind
The knock came on the 25th of March of this year at just after nine in the morning and I remember every single detail.
my partner of 19 years has been arrested for having iioc. He was removed from the house when he was arrested and I haven't let him move back in because what he did is something that you just don't do. I have one child and I've spent their life telling them to be careful of strangers and bad people to find there was one in my house.
Everybody handles things differently and everybody situation is different. I now live my life four steps ahead all of the time so that I don't get surprised and I don't have to make rash decisions.
The bit I'm finding extremely hard at the moment is not knowing the full extent of what he's done. He keeps giving me bits of information. The social worker we had has only allowed supervise contact with him but I am able to be the one to supervise with him. And I also allow storytime via zoom.
My concern is when this eventually gets to court whether there's too much there for him to continue seeing his child and what the Next step would be. Everything I do at the moment is for my child and being able to see their dad is what they need at the moment and also what he needs because he has shown signs of being suicidal. It's one thing my child to lose their father on a daily basis to losing their father for good.
there is only two people that know what is happening and I intend to try and keep it that way to protect my child. I had some great advice to write things down because when I come out the other side of this journey I will be able to look back. If anybody has any advice on anything I would be really appreciative of that.
Sending big hugs to everybody that suffering
The knock came on the 25th of March of this year at just after nine in the morning and I remember every single detail.
my partner of 19 years has been arrested for having iioc. He was removed from the house when he was arrested and I haven't let him move back in because what he did is something that you just don't do. I have one child and I've spent their life telling them to be careful of strangers and bad people to find there was one in my house.
Everybody handles things differently and everybody situation is different. I now live my life four steps ahead all of the time so that I don't get surprised and I don't have to make rash decisions.
The bit I'm finding extremely hard at the moment is not knowing the full extent of what he's done. He keeps giving me bits of information. The social worker we had has only allowed supervise contact with him but I am able to be the one to supervise with him. And I also allow storytime via zoom.
My concern is when this eventually gets to court whether there's too much there for him to continue seeing his child and what the Next step would be. Everything I do at the moment is for my child and being able to see their dad is what they need at the moment and also what he needs because he has shown signs of being suicidal. It's one thing my child to lose their father on a daily basis to losing their father for good.
there is only two people that know what is happening and I intend to try and keep it that way to protect my child. I had some great advice to write things down because when I come out the other side of this journey I will be able to look back. If anybody has any advice on anything I would be really appreciative of that.
Sending big hugs to everybody that suffering
Hi Blue,
you have to take each day at a time and do wat is right for you, i completely understand where you are coming from for not wanting to be with him, only you can decide wat is best for you, he needs to be absolutely honest with you because if he lies and it comes out then there is a good chance there would be no going back. i would say keep using this forum and keep talking to people, i tried to keep it out of the media but it didnt work for me, not for me or my husband but for our eldest daughter who was/is sucidal ( NOT BECAUSE OF THIS ), our youngest daughter doesnt no wat her dad has done and doesntunderstand why we wont tell her, with me being able to supervise and now not i think its confused her, its so hard when they are young. here for you always. REMEMBER 1 DAY AT A TIME XX
you have to take each day at a time and do wat is right for you, i completely understand where you are coming from for not wanting to be with him, only you can decide wat is best for you, he needs to be absolutely honest with you because if he lies and it comes out then there is a good chance there would be no going back. i would say keep using this forum and keep talking to people, i tried to keep it out of the media but it didnt work for me, not for me or my husband but for our eldest daughter who was/is sucidal ( NOT BECAUSE OF THIS ), our youngest daughter doesnt no wat her dad has done and doesntunderstand why we wont tell her, with me being able to supervise and now not i think its confused her, its so hard when they are young. here for you always. REMEMBER 1 DAY AT A TIME XX
Thank you for your reply Dawn. I really hope your eldest daughter is doing okay. I'm so glad I've connected with this forum just to be able to talk to people who are going through the same thing.
Hi Blue,
we are getting there but its been a very long road, i will always be on edge not noing if she is gonna self harm or over dose, sw isnt helpping not letting me supervise and we have to rely on family members some which she is not comfortable with as she doesnt like them. hopefully we are coming through the other side
we are getting there but its been a very long road, i will always be on edge not noing if she is gonna self harm or over dose, sw isnt helpping not letting me supervise and we have to rely on family members some which she is not comfortable with as she doesnt like them. hopefully we are coming through the other side
Hi Blue.
I literally could have written this myself.
Our knock was a few days before yours.
I have 2 children who thankfully ss have said they can have contact with their dad and he is at home with us.
he is only at home for the sake of the kids. Our relationship is very strained. I hate what he has done to us. Has also tried to commit suicide and still thinks about this.
I am literally like you, thinking ahead as I refuse to be caught out again and want to be as prepared as I can be.
His solicitor is being very cagey at the moment wanting to wait to see what comes back on his phone which I believe could take another few months from the police.
I am working and desperately trying to keep normality for the kids. Not one person knows as I am too ashamed and do not want my kids left out and me to be even more on my own than I feel already.
No real advice I'm sorry., stay strong you're doing a fab job!
I literally could have written this myself.
Our knock was a few days before yours.
I have 2 children who thankfully ss have said they can have contact with their dad and he is at home with us.
he is only at home for the sake of the kids. Our relationship is very strained. I hate what he has done to us. Has also tried to commit suicide and still thinks about this.
I am literally like you, thinking ahead as I refuse to be caught out again and want to be as prepared as I can be.
His solicitor is being very cagey at the moment wanting to wait to see what comes back on his phone which I believe could take another few months from the police.
I am working and desperately trying to keep normality for the kids. Not one person knows as I am too ashamed and do not want my kids left out and me to be even more on my own than I feel already.
No real advice I'm sorry., stay strong you're doing a fab job!
Hey starry
I know it's easier said than done and I've been through the shame stage but I've come out the other side because my child and I didn't do anything wrong and you and your children didn't do anything wrong so you have every right to hold your head up high.
My child had to have an interview at school by the sergeant who execute the warrant as they needed to know whether he had been hurt in anyway which I am unbelievably thankful that wasn't the case. My childs school have been absolutely amazing and supporting me throughout there is only the head and the other safeguarding teacher that know what's going on there's a couple of other teachers that have just been told myself and my ex partner have split up and just to keep an eye on my child.
my ex partner is seeing a therapist and we've had advice for him to separate himself from us to protect us. I've kept things amicable for the sake of our child but there is no coming back from what he's done. All I can do now is wait to see what they find and then make a decision as to whether I will let him to continue to see our child it's all about keeping my child safe.
we had a SW for a short while and she did her investigating and interviews and everything she needed to do. She showed my child a storyboard to explain his father had done something wrong and the police had arrested him. At the time I really didn't want my child told anything but looking back it was the right thing to do because it was the SW that was saying that my ex partner had done something wrong and wasn't allowed to be left alone without a child and not me which meant my child understands that I'm not the bad guy if that makes sense.
hold your heads up high and take every positive however small as a win x
I know it's easier said than done and I've been through the shame stage but I've come out the other side because my child and I didn't do anything wrong and you and your children didn't do anything wrong so you have every right to hold your head up high.
My child had to have an interview at school by the sergeant who execute the warrant as they needed to know whether he had been hurt in anyway which I am unbelievably thankful that wasn't the case. My childs school have been absolutely amazing and supporting me throughout there is only the head and the other safeguarding teacher that know what's going on there's a couple of other teachers that have just been told myself and my ex partner have split up and just to keep an eye on my child.
my ex partner is seeing a therapist and we've had advice for him to separate himself from us to protect us. I've kept things amicable for the sake of our child but there is no coming back from what he's done. All I can do now is wait to see what they find and then make a decision as to whether I will let him to continue to see our child it's all about keeping my child safe.
we had a SW for a short while and she did her investigating and interviews and everything she needed to do. She showed my child a storyboard to explain his father had done something wrong and the police had arrested him. At the time I really didn't want my child told anything but looking back it was the right thing to do because it was the SW that was saying that my ex partner had done something wrong and wasn't allowed to be left alone without a child and not me which meant my child understands that I'm not the bad guy if that makes sense.
hold your heads up high and take every positive however small as a win x
Thank you so much for replying.
I totally don't feel like this is my fault and am quite proud of how I am pulling myself through each day. Like all of us ladies here, we have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other each and keep going. No matter how hard.
I am so scared of losing my friends and my boys losing their friends because of this. I just can't imagine how people will get their heads round it to support me.
I totally don't feel like this is my fault and am quite proud of how I am pulling myself through each day. Like all of us ladies here, we have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other each and keep going. No matter how hard.
I am so scared of losing my friends and my boys losing their friends because of this. I just can't imagine how people will get their heads round it to support me.
A wise lady gave me this list of tips in the early day when I really didn't think I would get up and walk again because of this I don't know where my relationship stand at this moment but I just trying to do my best for my kids,,
Slow down and take to hour by hour,,
Try and eat when u can something small,, sleep when you can.
People you think that will stand by they won't and the people you don't think will stand by will.
This is not your fault and their is no right or wrong way to deal with this.
Don't waste engery on why but maybe or if you need it for the next battle,,
You can pour from a empty cup so you need to put urself first and look after you and ur child,,
Also it's OK not to be OK and to ask for help,, use the form room and helpline.
I just wish that I time we can educated people on this subject so we can try and help any family not have to be alone or have the heart ack of what ss put us through and society because the thing is in its possible that everyone is one click away to ending up here lots of love and hugs hun xx
Slow down and take to hour by hour,,
Try and eat when u can something small,, sleep when you can.
People you think that will stand by they won't and the people you don't think will stand by will.
This is not your fault and their is no right or wrong way to deal with this.
Don't waste engery on why but maybe or if you need it for the next battle,,
You can pour from a empty cup so you need to put urself first and look after you and ur child,,
Also it's OK not to be OK and to ask for help,, use the form room and helpline.
I just wish that I time we can educated people on this subject so we can try and help any family not have to be alone or have the heart ack of what ss put us through and society because the thing is in its possible that everyone is one click away to ending up here lots of love and hugs hun xx