Historic conviction, news to me.
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Hi, I'm new here.
So recently started dating a long time friends, and he disclosed to me that he had a conviction from before I had met him.
Known him 6 years, but he was advised not to inform anyone unless it needed to be disclosed.
And He is on the SOR for "making IIOC" which for anyone who knows the term, just means looking at, not actually taking them.
Due to come off soon.
He explained the full circumstance of the incident. Completely non-contact offence.
I did a Sarah's law request. Found out the full information from a legal side.
Which I now have.
I told him I needed to time to process it all. Which I did, spoke to LF foundation, asked more questions and tried to get my head around it.
Everything was going great until I found out. And even after I knew, I weighted up all I knew about him, all our interactions and there were no red flags.
You know how sometimes you can hear something about someone, and then things from the past you thought were weird suddenly make sense... well that didn't really happen here.
The thing is, I have a kid. And as much as he is a really good friend, and I want to explore things, the info is in the back of my head.
I've not had the best track record in relationships, and as much as I have no reason to think he would lie, or has lied to me, the back of my head says what if I'm wrong again. My grandmother always used to show me horror stories in the news about step fathers abusing their step kids.
And I think, what if I put my all into this, and get married, then something happens.
or if we have kids, and then something happens.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?
Is there a way to stop this spinning around my head? Is it worth it?
So recently started dating a long time friends, and he disclosed to me that he had a conviction from before I had met him.
Known him 6 years, but he was advised not to inform anyone unless it needed to be disclosed.
And He is on the SOR for "making IIOC" which for anyone who knows the term, just means looking at, not actually taking them.
Due to come off soon.
He explained the full circumstance of the incident. Completely non-contact offence.
I did a Sarah's law request. Found out the full information from a legal side.
Which I now have.
I told him I needed to time to process it all. Which I did, spoke to LF foundation, asked more questions and tried to get my head around it.
Everything was going great until I found out. And even after I knew, I weighted up all I knew about him, all our interactions and there were no red flags.
You know how sometimes you can hear something about someone, and then things from the past you thought were weird suddenly make sense... well that didn't really happen here.
The thing is, I have a kid. And as much as he is a really good friend, and I want to explore things, the info is in the back of my head.
I've not had the best track record in relationships, and as much as I have no reason to think he would lie, or has lied to me, the back of my head says what if I'm wrong again. My grandmother always used to show me horror stories in the news about step fathers abusing their step kids.
And I think, what if I put my all into this, and get married, then something happens.
or if we have kids, and then something happens.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?
Is there a way to stop this spinning around my head? Is it worth it?
Thank you for your reply Lost123.
Sorry to hear that, must have been devistating.
Yes, it's good. He said that he wouldn't have done it right now, if he had had the choice, because he didn't feel I needed to know as yet, because we werent looking at a relationship yet.
We went to church and he was recognised by someone who knows his past, and they reported their concerns because he was with my daughter and I.
So the police contacted him, he then disclosed to me, as he knew the police would need to speak to me.
Which was fine.
I spoke with the officer at length, and he has no concerns about us being around each other, even with my child.
But I already had Ss involved because I asked for help with my child. So they were then notified, they then grilled me. And it was all very intense.
this was a couple months ago now.
the main difficulty I have, is not being able to talk to anyone about it, except LF. I had to sign a document when I did the Sarah's law. It's very isolating.
Sorry to hear that, must have been devistating.
Yes, it's good. He said that he wouldn't have done it right now, if he had had the choice, because he didn't feel I needed to know as yet, because we werent looking at a relationship yet.
We went to church and he was recognised by someone who knows his past, and they reported their concerns because he was with my daughter and I.
So the police contacted him, he then disclosed to me, as he knew the police would need to speak to me.
Which was fine.
I spoke with the officer at length, and he has no concerns about us being around each other, even with my child.
But I already had Ss involved because I asked for help with my child. So they were then notified, they then grilled me. And it was all very intense.
this was a couple months ago now.
the main difficulty I have, is not being able to talk to anyone about it, except LF. I had to sign a document when I did the Sarah's law. It's very isolating.
Also, I told him about my thoughts today. And we had a really great talk about it. Over an hour and a half just talking it out.