Family and Friends Forum

Hi Hazel,

I'm so pleased you have joined us. I hope these forum posts will give you some strength. It must be really hard dealing with your situation. Very best wishes.

Hi Hazel,

Welcome and I am so pleased you joined. I am a wife of an offender but I have two children and I have had involvement from all agencies including social services. I hope that you are OK and I want you to know that we are here for you in an entirely non-judgemental way. However you decide to engage just know that you are not alone and although the forum is new (so few users), there are many people out there. If it helps, I'm 8 years down the line and I still hugely value talking (albeit virtually) to others. xx

Hazel,

Is there anything in particular that you would like to chat about? If so, please feel free to ask. x

Hi Everyone,

I'm a new member also. I am a Mum of a teenage offender. Only 4 months into this whole scary, overwhelming situation. I have attended meetings at Stopitnow, which have been an absolute God send to me, my partner and our son. I hope that here we can also help each other as it's not a conversation we can have with many people without fear.

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum thing but have just read through all of the posts and felt compelled to join. It's 9 months since my husband was arrested for possession of indecent images of children. I have 2 young children so all services are involved. Iam anxious about posting further details about my particular circumstances as it's public and it's taking an eternity to write this as the police removed the laptop! To sum it up I'm so ashamed, my emotions are so mixed and im so tired of trying to keep it as normal as possible for my children. Mentally i think I'm doing ok but does that mean it's still to hit me yet or I'm still in denial. I have so much going on in my head.

Hello to the new members who have recently joined. I hope that just knowing that we have the forum will give you strength. Isn't it crazy that we all feel ashamed! I know that I do even though I have done nothing wrong. It's actually one of the hardest emotions to overcome. I've moved on somewhat in my life from the horrible immediacy of the arrest but I still feel embarrassed and ashamed in certain situations. Those of you who have young children must feel particularly dreadful with scrutiny from social services etc..

Hi Hazel

I am also mother to an internet offender. I feel your pain. I can highly recommend signing up for the family and friends Inform programme run by the Lucy Faithfull organisation. It has been a huge help to me in coming to terms with the situation, not least to be able to discuss it all in a safe environment with others who are going through the same form of hell. The people who lead the course (small groups of 6 or so) are great - non-judgemental and informative. I felt a tremendous sense of relief when I came away from the intial session - just to be able to talk about it openly was so liberating! And the realisation that you are not alone is very comforting.

Hang in there x

I am a mum and my son was arrested this morning. He is 27 but is on the autistic spectrum and has an emotional age far below his actual age. I sound like I am making excuses but I just don’t know what to do.

He tells me he first looked at the images 5 years ago, a time when both me and my father were diagnosed with cancer on the same day, my dad died 3 months later. He found an image on Pinterest and was curious. He swears he was not sexually aroused by the images and although he explored and downloaded other images he has not looked at them for more than 3 years. He was baled with no conditions pending examination of his laptop, phone etc.

it is just my husband, son and I at home but I have an older, married sone who has a 3 year daughter and 16 month old son.

I know I have to tell my older son what has happened but I am so scared. I love my grandchildren but also love my son and don’t want to chose between them.

i am so scared and confused and don’t know what to do. I have saught lots of help today for my lad but don’t know what to do for me.

My husband is being very supportive of both me and our son. I have also told my mum who is equally supportive. I am just scared about telling his brother but the police have said they will be contacting Safeguarding about my grandchildren.

i don’t know why I am posting this and what I hope to achieve but hopefully someone will understand how I am feeling.

Hi Confused!, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. You obviously (and understandably) feel pulled in different directions, a feeling that many people on this forum no doubt share with you.

I wanted to thank you for having the courage to post on this forum and to say that if you have not already called our Stop it Now! Helpline then please do so. The number is 0808 1000 900. The lines are open from 9.00am - 9.00pm Mon - Thurs and 9.00am - 5.00pm on Fri. The operators have lots of experience in talking to people in similar situations to you, and talking things through can really help people start to see the issues more clearly.

Thanks again for using this forum, and for making contact.

Tired Mum hello. You are doing an amazing job. I am repeating myself but I was in that place. Two young kids and social services and just utter exhaustion holding it all together. I’m 8 years on and it will be ok. Maybe you are holding it together and maybe it will hit you but all you can do now is what feels right at the time and what helps to keep it all going. Don’t judge or question yourself because you are an amazing woman. X