Family involvement
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Hi,
It's been 18 months since the knock, and my husband will finally be sentenced in July.
He had attended magistrates court two weeks ago and has been charged with category a, b & c iioc.
He has signed the SOR already which triggered another visit from the police.
We have no children, but My sister has a nine year old boy. They live over an hour away.
My husband has never had unsupervised contact with My nephew, and hasn't even seen him for four years. He spent very little time with my family over the course of our marriage, as he never felt comfortable in social situations.
Yet, I have had to provide the police with my sister's details, so that they can speak with her, and a report to social services can be made.
Is this normal practice for police? I could understand social services if we had children, but to involve my sister and her son just does not feel right to me.
any thoughts or guidance is appreciated.
It's been 18 months since the knock, and my husband will finally be sentenced in July.
He had attended magistrates court two weeks ago and has been charged with category a, b & c iioc.
He has signed the SOR already which triggered another visit from the police.
We have no children, but My sister has a nine year old boy. They live over an hour away.
My husband has never had unsupervised contact with My nephew, and hasn't even seen him for four years. He spent very little time with my family over the course of our marriage, as he never felt comfortable in social situations.
Yet, I have had to provide the police with my sister's details, so that they can speak with her, and a report to social services can be made.
Is this normal practice for police? I could understand social services if we had children, but to involve my sister and her son just does not feel right to me.
any thoughts or guidance is appreciated.
Concerned
I'm sorry you find yourself here.. although I only have 1 awnser to your question but may help. Police only normally contact if he accosiates with them. I find this extremely unfair. Did you ask why the police came out after signing the Sor ? . Maybe ring the lf phone number or family rights group. Normally probation say who you can and can't see.
Sending a virtual hug x
I'm sorry you find yourself here.. although I only have 1 awnser to your question but may help. Police only normally contact if he accosiates with them. I find this extremely unfair. Did you ask why the police came out after signing the Sor ? . Maybe ring the lf phone number or family rights group. Normally probation say who you can and can't see.
Sending a virtual hug x
Thanks Becky. I will give them a call.
I just find this really odd. I've contacted the solicitor but no response from them yet.
I just find this really odd. I've contacted the solicitor but no response from them yet.
Concerned
Yes it does sound strange, solicitors take forever. Lf is open till 9pm did they ask your permission ? When are they planning on contacting your family ?
X
Yes it does sound strange, solicitors take forever. Lf is open till 9pm did they ask your permission ? When are they planning on contacting your family ?
X
I'm in a similar situation, no children but my sister has 3. They live 2 hours away and my husband has seen them about 5 times in the 10 years we have been together.
His offender manager / ppu said that they may need to get SS to pay my sister a visit but I was given the option to disclose first. My sister and I agree that he would not visit my sister, she's not been to mine with the kids since before her youngest was born so that wasn't a concern. When I relayed that decision on their next visit they were happy and have never asked for my sisters details or found it by other means and paid her a visit.
It is normal that they will ask about children in the family and may wish to speak to the parents to ensure that if there is contact that the parents are fully aware of the situation.
His offender manager / ppu said that they may need to get SS to pay my sister a visit but I was given the option to disclose first. My sister and I agree that he would not visit my sister, she's not been to mine with the kids since before her youngest was born so that wasn't a concern. When I relayed that decision on their next visit they were happy and have never asked for my sisters details or found it by other means and paid her a visit.
It is normal that they will ask about children in the family and may wish to speak to the parents to ensure that if there is contact that the parents are fully aware of the situation.
Thankfully the solicitor responded really quickly.
They have kindly "reminded" the police that if my sister already knew about my husbands charges, and that if they had confirmed with her that there will be no contact with my nephew, then their is no need for social services.
Honestly, the police have made me feel like crap this week and dragged my family into it too.
My Husband has repeatedly affirmed that I knew nothing of his activities, yet I keep getting comments like "well why didn't you suspect?"
Then they are calling my sister and frightening her with talk of social services, only to then tell the solicitor that social services will not be contacted.
They have kindly "reminded" the police that if my sister already knew about my husbands charges, and that if they had confirmed with her that there will be no contact with my nephew, then their is no need for social services.
Honestly, the police have made me feel like crap this week and dragged my family into it too.
My Husband has repeatedly affirmed that I knew nothing of his activities, yet I keep getting comments like "well why didn't you suspect?"
Then they are calling my sister and frightening her with talk of social services, only to then tell the solicitor that social services will not be contacted.
I'm in a similar situation. My partner was sentenced in aug 2019. He ofc had to let the police and PO know of all contact with kids in the family and friends etc.
There is only one under 18 on my side of the family, my cousin. My partner has been to about three or four family events that my cousin has been at and recently a few weeks ago. He mentioned this to his PO and now they are saying we need to disclose to my aunt and uncle. This is disappointing since in the past the PO seemed fine with my partner going to large family events.
I'm hoping I get the PO to agree to not make me disclose if we promise my partner will not go to family events when my cousin is under 18. The difficulty I now have is that a few of my cousins have kids and one yet to be a parent but she is like a sister to me.
But when it comes to extended family and friends, where do they draw the line? Do we have to avoid all family and friends gatherings? I hope to get more clarity coz I need to figure out how I will manage my family otherwise. I know my cousin who is like a sister to me will not be understanding and/or won't be able to keep it to herself.
There is only one under 18 on my side of the family, my cousin. My partner has been to about three or four family events that my cousin has been at and recently a few weeks ago. He mentioned this to his PO and now they are saying we need to disclose to my aunt and uncle. This is disappointing since in the past the PO seemed fine with my partner going to large family events.
I'm hoping I get the PO to agree to not make me disclose if we promise my partner will not go to family events when my cousin is under 18. The difficulty I now have is that a few of my cousins have kids and one yet to be a parent but she is like a sister to me.
But when it comes to extended family and friends, where do they draw the line? Do we have to avoid all family and friends gatherings? I hope to get more clarity coz I need to figure out how I will manage my family otherwise. I know my cousin who is like a sister to me will not be understanding and/or won't be able to keep it to herself.
It's difficult majestictopaz.
I keep my family completely separate from him so it's almost like I live two separate lives.
I am still undecided if he will remain living with me. I initially agreed to him returning home, so that the police knew where he was and he had some stability whilst he awaited trial.
I suppose that will be a conversation I'll need to have between him and the PO, once he's sentenced.
I keep my family completely separate from him so it's almost like I live two separate lives.
I am still undecided if he will remain living with me. I initially agreed to him returning home, so that the police knew where he was and he had some stability whilst he awaited trial.
I suppose that will be a conversation I'll need to have between him and the PO, once he's sentenced.
Hi there,
I find all this very interesting and also distressing.
My partner was NFA (no further action) after no evidence was found. And yet, during the investigation the police interviewed my family. My sister has kids (who we basically never see anyway, twice in 3 years) but the police decided to be heavy handed and go round there, with social services then following up to say he can't see them while under investigation. Then, even after the NFA, the social services have said that no unsupervised contact.
We don't know what to do - are SS being over the top?
I find all this very interesting and also distressing.
My partner was NFA (no further action) after no evidence was found. And yet, during the investigation the police interviewed my family. My sister has kids (who we basically never see anyway, twice in 3 years) but the police decided to be heavy handed and go round there, with social services then following up to say he can't see them while under investigation. Then, even after the NFA, the social services have said that no unsupervised contact.
We don't know what to do - are SS being over the top?