CIN meeting
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Hi,
Not sure where else to turn, so thought I'd reach out on here and hopefully feel less alone.
we have our first CIN meeting with social services tomorrow. My partner currently lives separately after his arrest for sexual communication with a decoy in March, and our baby girl was born in May.
she's now six weeks old and we have been working with social services since the arrest. It's our first child in need (CIN) meeting tomorrow, and quite frankly I'm terrified.
we've had the initial Carer and Families Assessment back and it had me down as not protective because I'm staying with him, despite all the work I'm doing - NSPCC course, safety plans and the LFF inform course.
does anyone have any guidance on how these meetings go?
As a new mum of a six week old, who is now home alone, I just feel so alone :(
Not sure where else to turn, so thought I'd reach out on here and hopefully feel less alone.
we have our first CIN meeting with social services tomorrow. My partner currently lives separately after his arrest for sexual communication with a decoy in March, and our baby girl was born in May.
she's now six weeks old and we have been working with social services since the arrest. It's our first child in need (CIN) meeting tomorrow, and quite frankly I'm terrified.
we've had the initial Carer and Families Assessment back and it had me down as not protective because I'm staying with him, despite all the work I'm doing - NSPCC course, safety plans and the LFF inform course.
does anyone have any guidance on how these meetings go?
As a new mum of a six week old, who is now home alone, I just feel so alone :(
Hi,
Sorry I can't reply to you right now but I want you to know that you're not alone and I felt exactly the same. I will message you as soon as I've dropped my kiddies at school and hopefully it will be before the CIN! It hopefully and shouldn't be as scary as you think but please keep an out for my reply and although I'm' no expect hopefully it'll help you.
xxxx
Sorry I can't reply to you right now but I want you to know that you're not alone and I felt exactly the same. I will message you as soon as I've dropped my kiddies at school and hopefully it will be before the CIN! It hopefully and shouldn't be as scary as you think but please keep an out for my reply and although I'm' no expect hopefully it'll help you.
xxxx
Try not to worry too much easier said than done though hey.
It sounds like you are doing everything asked of you.
On your meeting remember you are human and have only had a baby 6 weeks ago everything is so new and to have this on top. Explain that you feel alone and that just because you have decided to stay with your partner that shouldn't define the fact that you will protect your baby
Will be thinking of you and hope it goes OK. Sending a virtual hug x
It sounds like you are doing everything asked of you.
On your meeting remember you are human and have only had a baby 6 weeks ago everything is so new and to have this on top. Explain that you feel alone and that just because you have decided to stay with your partner that shouldn't define the fact that you will protect your baby
Will be thinking of you and hope it goes OK. Sending a virtual hug x
Hi
So sorry you are still going through this. As you know I'm likely to be in the same position as you. It sucks.
I think it's ridiculous that you staying with a partner means you are "not protective". I will be arguing the same point as it's really not fair.
For your meeting I would suggest making sure you have a list of points you want to make. And remember that you haven't done anything wrong. You are not the one facing criminal charges and it's not fair for them to not listen to you as you have parental rights, also CIN plans are supposed to be made taking parental thoughts into consideration.
Keep on fighting and please update me as to the outcome. You can do this mamma. You are strong. You are protective and you will prove it.
Maybe ask them what it is that they want you to do to prove you are protective? Ask for specific actions and timelines to work towards with your goal of having you back together. And the advise I've been given is bring everything back to baby. So you want your partner gone because it will be beneficial to baby because of XYZ. You want to be the one protecting baby as you feel that's best for her because of XYZ. Bring everything back to her all the time. They basically don't care about you or him. Just baby.
Thinking of you.
So sorry you are still going through this. As you know I'm likely to be in the same position as you. It sucks.
I think it's ridiculous that you staying with a partner means you are "not protective". I will be arguing the same point as it's really not fair.
For your meeting I would suggest making sure you have a list of points you want to make. And remember that you haven't done anything wrong. You are not the one facing criminal charges and it's not fair for them to not listen to you as you have parental rights, also CIN plans are supposed to be made taking parental thoughts into consideration.
Keep on fighting and please update me as to the outcome. You can do this mamma. You are strong. You are protective and you will prove it.
Maybe ask them what it is that they want you to do to prove you are protective? Ask for specific actions and timelines to work towards with your goal of having you back together. And the advise I've been given is bring everything back to baby. So you want your partner gone because it will be beneficial to baby because of XYZ. You want to be the one protecting baby as you feel that's best for her because of XYZ. Bring everything back to her all the time. They basically don't care about you or him. Just baby.
Thinking of you.
Hi lost
do you mind telling me if you were able to keep partner at home after having the baby?
thanks
do you mind telling me if you were able to keep partner at home after having the baby?
thanks
Hi,
I'm so pleased you've posted and you will definitely feel less alone now because you are certainly not alone in this journey or how you are feeling right now.
Congratulations on your baby girl!
I'll say try not to be terrified, but to be honest I was terrified too.
Unfortunately the carer and family assessment does often include some really snap judgements it supposed to be done within a couple of days of meeting you so really they don't really know you and a likely to make the snap judgements negative because of the lack of information instead of positive. It seems it's more common that social services say that mum's and not protective straight away so it's not just you that feels the way you're feeling right now.
Well done on how much you've done already with the NSPCC and the inform course and other things that's so much specially considering you've been pregnant and you've just become a mum. I would say that with social services it's very much a slow burner so I wouldn't jump straight into rushing too many things and putting so much pressure on yourself because you can't really rush your way out of their involvement if that makes sense.
With the CIN. It is completely voluntary and it is there to support and guide you with your decisions. It's certainly not there to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. The cin should happen every 6-weeks and it should involve the professionals working with you and Social Services to safeguard your baby girl, my guess would be that it will be your social worker and she or he will chair the meeting so prompt the other professionals when it's their turn to speak and then it's likely to be your health visitor and maybe your doctor too and you. The social worker will speak herself and give an update on what's happened so far and then ask the other professionals individually what's happened so far so how baby is doing and how you're doing. Then you'll be asked how baby is doing and how you're doing hopefully they won't ask you too many questions about your plans for the future if they do you can certainly say that right now your main priority is keeping your baby safeguarded and adjusting to being a mum and to being a single mum. That your focus isn't the future right now your focus is the present. You're able to ask them and say that it was stated in the assessment that you are not seen as protective and you'd like to ask why they don't see your protected and what you can do moving forward from that show them that you are protective. Unfortunately they don't really want to hear anything about the man and how they are coping but you can say that you're very concerned that your baby isn't being given the chance to bond with their dad and that is very important to you and most importantly very important for your baby's development and you want to know what can be done to ensure this bond is made. Normally when it comes to time with their children and your baby the first step is it being supervised by somebody other than yourself so normally a family member so it would be you your partner your baby and then someone else supervising. A CIN is a working voluntary agreement and it should move forward every time you have a new CIN meeting, it shouldn't stay the same, it should progress and improvements should be made so what's agreed on this cin it won't be this way forever. In the CIN report it will say what action will be taken by who and a timeline of when it needs to be done by and this will looked at next time..whether or not those things have been achieved . As I said above the CIN is every 6-weeks and with that your social worker should be visiting you every 20 days no more than that and never unannounced. You should also receive a report with all the minutes in 10 days. I often come away from the meeting wishing I had said something or wishing I'd ask something so you can always email the social worker afterwards and say look it was very emotive it was very overwhelming I wanted to ask these questions, I'd always suggesting things by email as well so you've got it in writing. If you do talk on the phone to send an email afterwards just saying and I clarify this is what we spoke about all this is what we agreed.
Have you heard of or looked at the family rights group. This is a really good group that focuses on giving advice to people dealing with social services helping them understand their rights and encouraging parents to speak up. They have a really good helpline you can call up and ask any question, about any of this and they will be really fantastic at guiding you through this, there's also a discussion board which is a bit like a forum where you can ask questions and other parents will reply also a professional will get back to you all there but sometimes it can take quite a few days.
Please know that you are not alone we are all going through this although we are all at different stages we all understand how you're feeling. Lots of love and good luck xxx
I'm so pleased you've posted and you will definitely feel less alone now because you are certainly not alone in this journey or how you are feeling right now.
Congratulations on your baby girl!
I'll say try not to be terrified, but to be honest I was terrified too.
Unfortunately the carer and family assessment does often include some really snap judgements it supposed to be done within a couple of days of meeting you so really they don't really know you and a likely to make the snap judgements negative because of the lack of information instead of positive. It seems it's more common that social services say that mum's and not protective straight away so it's not just you that feels the way you're feeling right now.
Well done on how much you've done already with the NSPCC and the inform course and other things that's so much specially considering you've been pregnant and you've just become a mum. I would say that with social services it's very much a slow burner so I wouldn't jump straight into rushing too many things and putting so much pressure on yourself because you can't really rush your way out of their involvement if that makes sense.
With the CIN. It is completely voluntary and it is there to support and guide you with your decisions. It's certainly not there to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. The cin should happen every 6-weeks and it should involve the professionals working with you and Social Services to safeguard your baby girl, my guess would be that it will be your social worker and she or he will chair the meeting so prompt the other professionals when it's their turn to speak and then it's likely to be your health visitor and maybe your doctor too and you. The social worker will speak herself and give an update on what's happened so far and then ask the other professionals individually what's happened so far so how baby is doing and how you're doing. Then you'll be asked how baby is doing and how you're doing hopefully they won't ask you too many questions about your plans for the future if they do you can certainly say that right now your main priority is keeping your baby safeguarded and adjusting to being a mum and to being a single mum. That your focus isn't the future right now your focus is the present. You're able to ask them and say that it was stated in the assessment that you are not seen as protective and you'd like to ask why they don't see your protected and what you can do moving forward from that show them that you are protective. Unfortunately they don't really want to hear anything about the man and how they are coping but you can say that you're very concerned that your baby isn't being given the chance to bond with their dad and that is very important to you and most importantly very important for your baby's development and you want to know what can be done to ensure this bond is made. Normally when it comes to time with their children and your baby the first step is it being supervised by somebody other than yourself so normally a family member so it would be you your partner your baby and then someone else supervising. A CIN is a working voluntary agreement and it should move forward every time you have a new CIN meeting, it shouldn't stay the same, it should progress and improvements should be made so what's agreed on this cin it won't be this way forever. In the CIN report it will say what action will be taken by who and a timeline of when it needs to be done by and this will looked at next time..whether or not those things have been achieved . As I said above the CIN is every 6-weeks and with that your social worker should be visiting you every 20 days no more than that and never unannounced. You should also receive a report with all the minutes in 10 days. I often come away from the meeting wishing I had said something or wishing I'd ask something so you can always email the social worker afterwards and say look it was very emotive it was very overwhelming I wanted to ask these questions, I'd always suggesting things by email as well so you've got it in writing. If you do talk on the phone to send an email afterwards just saying and I clarify this is what we spoke about all this is what we agreed.
Have you heard of or looked at the family rights group. This is a really good group that focuses on giving advice to people dealing with social services helping them understand their rights and encouraging parents to speak up. They have a really good helpline you can call up and ask any question, about any of this and they will be really fantastic at guiding you through this, there's also a discussion board which is a bit like a forum where you can ask questions and other parents will reply also a professional will get back to you all there but sometimes it can take quite a few days.
Please know that you are not alone we are all going through this although we are all at different stages we all understand how you're feeling. Lots of love and good luck xxx
Thanks all, the meeting was tough but ok.
we spoke about my daughter and then they discussed with my partner about how he feels (isolated and lonely as he's living separately to me and our baby), and then moved onto the health visitor speaking for us.
they have said they are now looking at getting a third party psychological assessment which is something I've pushed for, so that's a positive.
they've also said they will engage with the third parties we're working with so hopefully they stick to their word. For reference my partner has done the Stop It Now online modules and completed a course with Safer Lives (they're also writing a letter to support us that can go to the courts and go to SS) and then I've done the NSPCC course, inform course and I'm attending sessions with a StopSO therapist. We've literally spent all our savings on this so I'm praying that SS take notice of some of the work we're trying to do.
However it's not all good as SS still haven't got a starting point for when they will do some protective work with me - which is frustrating.
apparently we move to a more long term social worker in a few weeks so god knows if that will help or make it worse.
SS are coming tomorrow and Thursday to supervise the visits between my partner and my daughter, so just feels like we'll never be free of them this week.
we spoke about my daughter and then they discussed with my partner about how he feels (isolated and lonely as he's living separately to me and our baby), and then moved onto the health visitor speaking for us.
they have said they are now looking at getting a third party psychological assessment which is something I've pushed for, so that's a positive.
they've also said they will engage with the third parties we're working with so hopefully they stick to their word. For reference my partner has done the Stop It Now online modules and completed a course with Safer Lives (they're also writing a letter to support us that can go to the courts and go to SS) and then I've done the NSPCC course, inform course and I'm attending sessions with a StopSO therapist. We've literally spent all our savings on this so I'm praying that SS take notice of some of the work we're trying to do.
However it's not all good as SS still haven't got a starting point for when they will do some protective work with me - which is frustrating.
apparently we move to a more long term social worker in a few weeks so god knows if that will help or make it worse.
SS are coming tomorrow and Thursday to supervise the visits between my partner and my daughter, so just feels like we'll never be free of them this week.
Hi.
Sounds fairly positive though! The assessment and talking to your 3rd parties is bound to help.
Keep on pushing for the work with yourself and tell them you expect a date as to when that starts as it's causing you distress to not be able to be in control of supervising your daughter and being called non protective.
Do SS always supervise your visits? I think I remember you saying it was mother in law or your mum normally? Is them supervising to see how it's going - as that's a positive thing too really as it will give them time to see how your partner interacts and that can only be a good thing.
Hang in there. Lots of positives from this meeting. Have they given you the date of the next one and what they expect to change at the next meeting all being well?
Sounds fairly positive though! The assessment and talking to your 3rd parties is bound to help.
Keep on pushing for the work with yourself and tell them you expect a date as to when that starts as it's causing you distress to not be able to be in control of supervising your daughter and being called non protective.
Do SS always supervise your visits? I think I remember you saying it was mother in law or your mum normally? Is them supervising to see how it's going - as that's a positive thing too really as it will give them time to see how your partner interacts and that can only be a good thing.
Hang in there. Lots of positives from this meeting. Have they given you the date of the next one and what they expect to change at the next meeting all being well?
Hi pregnantandscared,
this time 7 months ago I was also pregnant and scared and giving birth! I remember googling things frantically trying to find answers and this forum absolutely put my mind at ease so do read back lots of posts they will help!
I have just been closed from social services, after my little girl being a CIN, it was a confusing journey, but know you will come out of the other side!
my story was slightly different as it was my dad who was charged, and my mum was deemed unsafe to supervise contact and with my boyfriend worked away during the week, basically meaning I didn't have a break for 7 months! I made this very clear to social services when they told me they weren't going to allow my mum to supervise contact with my dad (this has changed now after my mini meltdown to my sw) I told them they were taking away my freedom, I was getting no sleep, no me time, I couldn't even shower for longer then a quick 3 minutes, as happy as I was in my little baby bubble it was absolutely no quality of life! this seemed to have what made them change there mind, as long as you keep proving your a safe mother and you will protect your daughter you will get there! It can be such a long process, but it will be worth it in the end, time is a massive factor as well!
take as much support from friends and family as you can, if they offer you there time take it so you can have some time to yourself- Remember the way you can be a good mum is by putting yourself first sometimes and looking after your mind and body xx
this time 7 months ago I was also pregnant and scared and giving birth! I remember googling things frantically trying to find answers and this forum absolutely put my mind at ease so do read back lots of posts they will help!
I have just been closed from social services, after my little girl being a CIN, it was a confusing journey, but know you will come out of the other side!
my story was slightly different as it was my dad who was charged, and my mum was deemed unsafe to supervise contact and with my boyfriend worked away during the week, basically meaning I didn't have a break for 7 months! I made this very clear to social services when they told me they weren't going to allow my mum to supervise contact with my dad (this has changed now after my mini meltdown to my sw) I told them they were taking away my freedom, I was getting no sleep, no me time, I couldn't even shower for longer then a quick 3 minutes, as happy as I was in my little baby bubble it was absolutely no quality of life! this seemed to have what made them change there mind, as long as you keep proving your a safe mother and you will protect your daughter you will get there! It can be such a long process, but it will be worth it in the end, time is a massive factor as well!
take as much support from friends and family as you can, if they offer you there time take it so you can have some time to yourself- Remember the way you can be a good mum is by putting yourself first sometimes and looking after your mind and body xx
Hello all,
Supervised contact was today and was just an opportunity to monitor my partner with my daughter. They've only seen him with her when she was 4 days old, and she's now nearly seven weeks. Usually my mum does it, until I can be deemed protective enough to do it.
All seemed to go well though so hopefully it can be deemed positive!
I asked about the protective assessment, and apparently they're waiting for our long term social worker as it's such a massive piece of work. Feels like I've been fobbed off tbh...
Also they mentioned about kids in future and even when our kids have kids that they'd need to monitor my partner...he's not likely to get put on the register for life, so considering our daughter is seven weeks old can they have to monitor behaviour forever?! Seems a bit full on to monitor his behaviour around grandkids that won't be on the cards for like 18+ years?!
Supervised contact was today and was just an opportunity to monitor my partner with my daughter. They've only seen him with her when she was 4 days old, and she's now nearly seven weeks. Usually my mum does it, until I can be deemed protective enough to do it.
All seemed to go well though so hopefully it can be deemed positive!
I asked about the protective assessment, and apparently they're waiting for our long term social worker as it's such a massive piece of work. Feels like I've been fobbed off tbh...
Also they mentioned about kids in future and even when our kids have kids that they'd need to monitor my partner...he's not likely to get put on the register for life, so considering our daughter is seven weeks old can they have to monitor behaviour forever?! Seems a bit full on to monitor his behaviour around grandkids that won't be on the cards for like 18+ years?!
Hi!
I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, however unfortunately I definitely think you've been fobbed off about having to wait for a protective parenting assessment. Social workers are more than capable of doing a hand over and if anything if it's going to take a long time from start to end they need to get on it. You could argue that they are not safeguarding your baby by delaying the process as your babies emotional attachments with her dad are being delayed and withheld because of SS staffing. Without meaning to upset you hun, you need to find out your rights around this and stand up against this, this is all voluntary and from what you've said they haven't given you a reason for why they deem you not protective and that is unacceptable... This is such a special time for you both as new parents and such an important time for bonding, they change so fast when they are so little. You've done so much, an amazing amount to show how protective and proactive you are! It's clear you're taking this very seriously and SS are not recognising your strength and capability! I'm really in awe of you to have done so much during such an emotional period, the first month's are so hard, it happening at the end of your pregnancy and with a newborn. I hope you recognise this and are proud of yourself. I also hope you feel less alone now that you've posted on this forum, everyone wants the best for each other and are standing behind each other. Call around the family law solicitors and call family rights group Hun, it will help you so much. xxx
I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, however unfortunately I definitely think you've been fobbed off about having to wait for a protective parenting assessment. Social workers are more than capable of doing a hand over and if anything if it's going to take a long time from start to end they need to get on it. You could argue that they are not safeguarding your baby by delaying the process as your babies emotional attachments with her dad are being delayed and withheld because of SS staffing. Without meaning to upset you hun, you need to find out your rights around this and stand up against this, this is all voluntary and from what you've said they haven't given you a reason for why they deem you not protective and that is unacceptable... This is such a special time for you both as new parents and such an important time for bonding, they change so fast when they are so little. You've done so much, an amazing amount to show how protective and proactive you are! It's clear you're taking this very seriously and SS are not recognising your strength and capability! I'm really in awe of you to have done so much during such an emotional period, the first month's are so hard, it happening at the end of your pregnancy and with a newborn. I hope you recognise this and are proud of yourself. I also hope you feel less alone now that you've posted on this forum, everyone wants the best for each other and are standing behind each other. Call around the family law solicitors and call family rights group Hun, it will help you so much. xxx
Thank you guys, I'm going to get in touch tomorrow to push on this - it's already been nearly seven weeks since our daughter was born (and we've been with SS since 1st April) so that's MORE than enough time!
they're back on Thursday to monitor another supervised visit so let's see, as if they ignore emails and calls they have to actually see me on Thursday!
Thank you all, you've really helped! X
they're back on Thursday to monitor another supervised visit so let's see, as if they ignore emails and calls they have to actually see me on Thursday!
Thank you all, you've really helped! X
Hi the ladies are right on here are amazing and they have pulled me out of my boots when I have been at my lowest with ss,,
We are child protection plans my partner was arrested for talking to a undercover police decoy,, like yourself because I have not said we are slipting up or staying together they have come down hard on me but like you I have done the informed course and research different research,, I have done my own risk assessment on each of us and the children. I have also been told I am not protective facter but I told everyone what was going on when it happened I have done more refferals for my children then ss she done nothing for us,, I done the pants the talk with my children. I have take my case to the family courts for contact which ss really didn't like my partner has just been released and starting to work on himself they like to use fear ss to get their way.
These ladies will help you like others have said ring family right they will tell you ur rights and help,,
Stopso is another chat site where people are in our shoes but they help a lot with ss to.
I working on my safe plan and emergency plan should I be taken ill where my children are to go and who is to look are them.
We are all here for u sending big hugs xxx
We are child protection plans my partner was arrested for talking to a undercover police decoy,, like yourself because I have not said we are slipting up or staying together they have come down hard on me but like you I have done the informed course and research different research,, I have done my own risk assessment on each of us and the children. I have also been told I am not protective facter but I told everyone what was going on when it happened I have done more refferals for my children then ss she done nothing for us,, I done the pants the talk with my children. I have take my case to the family courts for contact which ss really didn't like my partner has just been released and starting to work on himself they like to use fear ss to get their way.
These ladies will help you like others have said ring family right they will tell you ur rights and help,,
Stopso is another chat site where people are in our shoes but they help a lot with ss to.
I working on my safe plan and emergency plan should I be taken ill where my children are to go and who is to look are them.
We are all here for u sending big hugs xxx
There is also a thread on here on call can ss tell you liars there are lots of advice in that thread about dealing with them,, my ss has told me amny times we are speaking legal advice I now told her don't say it if u believe my kids are at risk then do it. My kids are still with me and we are 8 months on the this fight do what u believe is right for u and ur child..
Update guys...
I logged another email to the SS worker manager who gave me a VERY snippy response back saying that since I'd logged some important points they need time to respond. This is in response to an email sent two weeks ago!
They are coming out next Friday to do the safeguarding work with me, conveniently at the one time of the week I cannot do - so I'll move stuff my side.
Any advice for what they are going to cover in this three hour meeting?
I logged another email to the SS worker manager who gave me a VERY snippy response back saying that since I'd logged some important points they need time to respond. This is in response to an email sent two weeks ago!
They are coming out next Friday to do the safeguarding work with me, conveniently at the one time of the week I cannot do - so I'll move stuff my side.
Any advice for what they are going to cover in this three hour meeting?
Hi. Sorry no advise. Just a big Woo hoo! They are finally taking you seriously!! And finally doing work with you! Well done!!
That's great you've got the manager listening to you hun, let's hope for a good reply. Keep strong with them.
I have no answers for the safeguarding meeting but I'd send an email and ask them. Say you'd like an idea of what the meetings going to cover. They have no reason not to share this with you or call the family rights group. xx
I have no answers for the safeguarding meeting but I'd send an email and ask them. Say you'd like an idea of what the meetings going to cover. They have no reason not to share this with you or call the family rights group. xx
Hi pregnantandscared
Just reaching out to see how you are and how your assessment went yesterday? Was thinking about you.
Sending love xx
Just reaching out to see how you are and how your assessment went yesterday? Was thinking about you.
Sending love xx
Hi Scaredlamb,
thanks so much for asking after me - I've barely been on here this weekend as my daughter has colic so been preoccupied!
the meeting seemed ok, but apparently they are taking 10 weeks to do a full assessment and then deliver the findings. Feels ridiculous but last time I challenged their manager she was very rude and implied I'd be put on a higher/more serious plan if I continued to be difficult...
I showed the case workers my safety plan in the meeting (which is 7 pages long!) and they agreed it's thorough and that it covers everything for my daughter as a baby but also growing up. I think this long term thinking might have helped as then they asked if I knew signs of abuse in a child as well as signs of grooming and also signs of relapse, and I was able to use examples from the Stop It Now website and also the Parents Protect website.
Ultimately it went well but I don't know when the next meeting is just yet. Our next CIN meeting is at the end of this month so I'll be pushing them then if I haven't heard before.
also my partner finished his course with Safer Lives, and they recommend a book for me called The Protectors Handbook. It's definitely worthwhile getting as it has SO much in for being protective for under 5s, which I found helpful as a lot of the Parent Protect stuff felt like it was for older children. The book is like £8-10 on Amazon but definitely helpful. The social workers seemed impressed that I had it and that I've read it so it might help you too, and there's some clear examples to help you show your thinking.
finally I asked them what else I could do.etc a s they actually said to calm down! They said that they can see I've done a lot but now it's for my partner to do his bit. He's finished with safer lives but continues to have check ins with them, and he's just started with a StopSO therapist who has really helped him already - so hopefully it's being noted positively.
how are you getting on?x
thanks so much for asking after me - I've barely been on here this weekend as my daughter has colic so been preoccupied!
the meeting seemed ok, but apparently they are taking 10 weeks to do a full assessment and then deliver the findings. Feels ridiculous but last time I challenged their manager she was very rude and implied I'd be put on a higher/more serious plan if I continued to be difficult...
I showed the case workers my safety plan in the meeting (which is 7 pages long!) and they agreed it's thorough and that it covers everything for my daughter as a baby but also growing up. I think this long term thinking might have helped as then they asked if I knew signs of abuse in a child as well as signs of grooming and also signs of relapse, and I was able to use examples from the Stop It Now website and also the Parents Protect website.
Ultimately it went well but I don't know when the next meeting is just yet. Our next CIN meeting is at the end of this month so I'll be pushing them then if I haven't heard before.
also my partner finished his course with Safer Lives, and they recommend a book for me called The Protectors Handbook. It's definitely worthwhile getting as it has SO much in for being protective for under 5s, which I found helpful as a lot of the Parent Protect stuff felt like it was for older children. The book is like £8-10 on Amazon but definitely helpful. The social workers seemed impressed that I had it and that I've read it so it might help you too, and there's some clear examples to help you show your thinking.
finally I asked them what else I could do.etc a s they actually said to calm down! They said that they can see I've done a lot but now it's for my partner to do his bit. He's finished with safer lives but continues to have check ins with them, and he's just started with a StopSO therapist who has really helped him already - so hopefully it's being noted positively.
how are you getting on?x
Hi!
glad you are getting on ok! Though I'm sorry about your baby having colic! That can't be helpful on top of everything else! Hope it passes soon!
well that at least sounds like you have a positive plan in place - shame it's another 10 weeks down the line but you know it's happening which is better than leaving you in limbo. Also I'm sure they are trying to just scare you to say they will put you on a higher plan if you continue to push and "be difficult" - pretty sure they have to have better reason than that! Might be worth chatting to the family rights group on that because I wouldn't be backing down!
Thank you so much for the recommendation on the book! I've just purchased it abs will get to reading!!
Sounds like your hubby is doing well too which is great - this must be very hard on him too! My hubby started with his stopso therapist 2 weeks ago and he said it was really helpful! Had to wait a bit for the next appointment at the end of the month but then he has a session booked each week! It's expensive but worth it! He also has asked about doing the engage plus course with LFF but they said not to do it at the same time as starting therapy as they can work against each other! So he is waiting to do that or if not will do saferlives!
I have just this second heard from our SW doing the pre-birth assssment and they are recommending CIN plan. I'm actually really relieved at the moment that it's not straight to CPP. At least this way we have some room to try and ensure hubby stays - though I know that's what you are on and it's still a battle! We will have the full recommendations and what they want to do soon after the panel meeting that she has to do.
Keep fighting. We will get there eventually I'm sure!
Have the police finished the investigation for your hubby yet? He has bail conditions too right? Hope answers are coming soon!
glad you are getting on ok! Though I'm sorry about your baby having colic! That can't be helpful on top of everything else! Hope it passes soon!
well that at least sounds like you have a positive plan in place - shame it's another 10 weeks down the line but you know it's happening which is better than leaving you in limbo. Also I'm sure they are trying to just scare you to say they will put you on a higher plan if you continue to push and "be difficult" - pretty sure they have to have better reason than that! Might be worth chatting to the family rights group on that because I wouldn't be backing down!
Thank you so much for the recommendation on the book! I've just purchased it abs will get to reading!!
Sounds like your hubby is doing well too which is great - this must be very hard on him too! My hubby started with his stopso therapist 2 weeks ago and he said it was really helpful! Had to wait a bit for the next appointment at the end of the month but then he has a session booked each week! It's expensive but worth it! He also has asked about doing the engage plus course with LFF but they said not to do it at the same time as starting therapy as they can work against each other! So he is waiting to do that or if not will do saferlives!
I have just this second heard from our SW doing the pre-birth assssment and they are recommending CIN plan. I'm actually really relieved at the moment that it's not straight to CPP. At least this way we have some room to try and ensure hubby stays - though I know that's what you are on and it's still a battle! We will have the full recommendations and what they want to do soon after the panel meeting that she has to do.
Keep fighting. We will get there eventually I'm sure!
Have the police finished the investigation for your hubby yet? He has bail conditions too right? Hope answers are coming soon!
We have our second meeting tomorrow and I feel sick with nerves again. I don't think I'll ever feel ok about having SS in my life.
since the last meeting they have started the protective assessment with me, but have said the full assessment will take 10 weeks. In our last meeting they reviewed my family safety plan if my partner was able to return home, and they said it was very thorough...not sure if that's a positive or not.
Still waiting for our long term social worker (current ones will pass the case on) and just got to hope that we stay as a CIN case. But I suppose every SS worker makes their own judgement, and we've already had the fact that we're staying in a relationship flagged as a risk.
since the last session, my partner completed his course with Safer Lives and is now in weekly sessions with a StopSO therapist as well as attending SAA meetings.
We've also heard that devices have finished being checked and they have said they don't need to contact his work or check his work laptop, so we're hoping that's a positive sign. OIC is preparing the case for CPS and they haven't asked for second interview so keeping fingers crossed that means nothing else found. Solicitor is getting it in writing/double checking.
I'm just praying that they see all the work being done and continue to do, and can hopefully see a way to letting him home. SS have tried to say they can't consider it until after sentencing :(
since the last meeting they have started the protective assessment with me, but have said the full assessment will take 10 weeks. In our last meeting they reviewed my family safety plan if my partner was able to return home, and they said it was very thorough...not sure if that's a positive or not.
Still waiting for our long term social worker (current ones will pass the case on) and just got to hope that we stay as a CIN case. But I suppose every SS worker makes their own judgement, and we've already had the fact that we're staying in a relationship flagged as a risk.
since the last session, my partner completed his course with Safer Lives and is now in weekly sessions with a StopSO therapist as well as attending SAA meetings.
We've also heard that devices have finished being checked and they have said they don't need to contact his work or check his work laptop, so we're hoping that's a positive sign. OIC is preparing the case for CPS and they haven't asked for second interview so keeping fingers crossed that means nothing else found. Solicitor is getting it in writing/double checking.
I'm just praying that they see all the work being done and continue to do, and can hopefully see a way to letting him home. SS have tried to say they can't consider it until after sentencing :(
Thanks both.
We did get the notes from the last meeting and they were accurate and fair, which was a relief as the initial assessment report was full of mistakes and points we disagreed with.
I know I will be fine once it's over but just hate it. I'm actually bringing my mum to this one because she's supervising contact so can comment on how that's going, but also just to hold my hand through it.
I double checked the actions from the last meeting and myself and my partner have done ours, but so far the SS workers have missed two and the health visitor has missed hers so hopefully we should be fine and can just focus on rectifying the ones missed eg. We should have been transferred to the long term team and that hasn't happened yet so will just see if there's been an update yet.
I would ask for a call with my SW but tbh their manager was so harsh in email and called me out for asking support in such a way and said it detracts from my child, so I feel a bit apprehensive to even reach out. Myself abs my partner mentioned that we are lonely without each other and the manager criticised me on that too, so I don't even feel like I can be honest sometimes. I mean I obviously still am, but I don't understand what they're expecting. Like, am I supposed to say I'm super happy right now when I'm clearly not/wouldn't be in this situation?!
The manager also kindly reminded me that if we were to have unsupervised contact then we'd be straight onto a CP plan and they'd look to put our child into care/with others. Really frustrating given the fact that we haven't shown any signs of not complying with supervision, and have in fact stated we will never do unsupervised until deemed okay, but also she raised the point of "significant harm" being met if we did. Which when they haven't specifically risk assessed my partner seems hard to quantify the risk as significant... but again I wouldn't dare raise it as everytime I ask questions I'm seen as difficult so need to pick my battles atm.
We did get the notes from the last meeting and they were accurate and fair, which was a relief as the initial assessment report was full of mistakes and points we disagreed with.
I know I will be fine once it's over but just hate it. I'm actually bringing my mum to this one because she's supervising contact so can comment on how that's going, but also just to hold my hand through it.
I double checked the actions from the last meeting and myself and my partner have done ours, but so far the SS workers have missed two and the health visitor has missed hers so hopefully we should be fine and can just focus on rectifying the ones missed eg. We should have been transferred to the long term team and that hasn't happened yet so will just see if there's been an update yet.
I would ask for a call with my SW but tbh their manager was so harsh in email and called me out for asking support in such a way and said it detracts from my child, so I feel a bit apprehensive to even reach out. Myself abs my partner mentioned that we are lonely without each other and the manager criticised me on that too, so I don't even feel like I can be honest sometimes. I mean I obviously still am, but I don't understand what they're expecting. Like, am I supposed to say I'm super happy right now when I'm clearly not/wouldn't be in this situation?!
The manager also kindly reminded me that if we were to have unsupervised contact then we'd be straight onto a CP plan and they'd look to put our child into care/with others. Really frustrating given the fact that we haven't shown any signs of not complying with supervision, and have in fact stated we will never do unsupervised until deemed okay, but also she raised the point of "significant harm" being met if we did. Which when they haven't specifically risk assessed my partner seems hard to quantify the risk as significant... but again I wouldn't dare raise it as everytime I ask questions I'm seen as difficult so need to pick my battles atm.