Family and Friends Forum

Hi there,

My husband returned home a few months after his conviction. After a social services assessment (which we had to push for) he was allowed to return with no restrictions on the contact he has with our children. Thankfully the social worker was very good and supportive (unlike the first one we had) We have a safety plan in place and are no longer under SS.
We were lucky as although it was in the media, we've received little in terms of a backlash. I'm not sure who knows and who doesn't and this has been difficult but we are trying to rebuild our lives. I only wish there was the option for you to Pm me and I would be happy to share more info... but it can be done if that's what you want xx

Hi this is my husbands 2nd time around ..

The first time we werent married it was 2008 ... he was sentenced to 11 months did 8 .. i don't know what all he had viewed as i chose not to know ..

When he came out we moved he got a job life was ok it was hard as i gave up my family for him .. my family was fractured before but tbis was the last straw ..



We got on with life i startded my own wee business cleaning we got married in 2016 ..

This had been the most settled id ever been ..i had besn married before 22 years of physical and mental abuse ..

Anyway .. we are headed down the same path hed only 6 months left before ge was clear .. then came the 2nd knock (25 may 2021) one week after major brain surgery for an old annurism with which i saved his life in 2018 ..

Anyhoo im not going to stay or should i say he will be leaving when hes sentenced no matter what the outcome i trusted him it took time but he messed up again i cant forgive this time he says he cant do this withoot me he had his chance im 56 this year life is very very hard i have no family no real friends

Although all my clients have been very supportive they all know that was hard repeating 17 times over but i had to be honest i need their trust ..

So in answer to your question no im not going to be with him ..

Im here to help as much as i can buf it doesnt help when he wont really talk

.sorry wrote a novel .. take care xx



.

I've stuck with mine, we are currently living separately ( not by choice ) but ss don't think he can live with us although reading through some of the stories on here when I am strong enough to fight for it I will, he knows I couldn't go through this a second time so he has been on his behaviour, we have lost some family and friends, mostly because I deleted them off my fb when he got sentenced, suspended for two years but it was in the papers. We hadn't told lots of people so we lost the ones we hadn't told, I can understand y people don't want to stay and I also can understand y they do, I think its each to their own and as ive seen some one say noone can tell u how to react or not react its a very lonely u have to go down, hopefully people will support u which ever way u choose xx

Hi Gia456,



No I didnt/ we didn't move, I had to give up my job as I worked in a school and they wanted me to choose between him and them, and so because of his ill health and my daughters wanting their dad in their lives I gave up work, I have had no repercussions from when it went online, obviously due to my daughter being sucidal I had asked them all to take it down because she is innocent in all of this, it literally lasted the weekend ( he was in court on the Friday) and maybe a week after that but since then we have had nothing at all, I have more support from a mum who I met through my new daughters school ( only moved her cause it was closer like round the corner, she was at where I use to work and couldn't face her staying there ) than I have from a friend that has known us for like 14 years, we hardly speak now. I miss them but I no he isnt a bad person he just made a bad choice. I lost my niece and nephews because I didn't have the courage to tell them ( had lots going on , with daughter and suicide attempts and this ) before it went to court so they found out online, but I had tried to keep it out of the papers but it didn't work. I understand why they r angry but they need to understand its not something u want to tell everybody, their mum split from my brother and there is annomisty. I'm hoping they will understand eventually but I think its wat the mum wanted to get us all out of their lives xx

Sorry for the long post, it is hard but if u have a good support network u can get through it xx if you want to chat properly on mums net let me no

Hi Gia456,



So he got a suspended sentence of 2 years for downloading iioc all categories, I had spoke to the solicitor, the policeman who arrested my husband I even ask the sw for help, but I believe as she hated my husband that's y she didn't help. When it went online with the local newspaper, I then sent them an email to explain that our solicitor had asked to keep his name and address out of the report due to our daughters suicide and self harm, and then said by reporting it in the papers I am now clearing up their mess as I had to deal with my daughters really bad cuts ( bleeding bad ) I never heard from them but it suddenly wasn't front page news. See I think this is where people are letting families down, my daughter was like this before we had the knock but obviously woth him not being at home its made it worse. We have now finally been 7 months free of her cutting herself/ suicide attempts so we r getting there but it's been a long road.

Hi Gia456,



I forgot to say the policeman man told me that the reporters usually ask the police for their mug shot and depending on the family situation depends on whether they give it them or not, and obviously because he new wat I was dealing with with my daughter they didn't give it them, maybe speak to the officer who arrested him, he was really nice to me until the old sw got hold of him and then he became horrible but at that point I didn't need to talk to him again

Hi Gia456,



Thank u yes she is doing so much better thank god because I don't think I could take much more xx