Trying to be practical!
Notifications OFF
About two weeks ago my son (who lives alone) was arrested, his phone and computer taken. The police rang me for safeguarding reasons but didn't say much other than what he was arrested for. I felt like my world had just fallen apart and it would never be the same again. I spent a week crying but this week I'm trying to be practical.
He won't tell me much other than he hasn't done anything wrong and he promises me he won't be charged. I can't get past that with him. I'm bracing myself for the worse though.
I know that he didn't have a solictor at the initial interview and that worries me but what I haven't been able to find out is how the police find information out. What leads them to the knock. Do ISP's tip them off? Or is it a person who reports people to the police. I can imagine a scenario where they confiscate equipment and the information may lead them onto the next person. I just need to get my head around whether people arrested have always done 'something'. I hope that makes sense.
Thanks
He won't tell me much other than he hasn't done anything wrong and he promises me he won't be charged. I can't get past that with him. I'm bracing myself for the worse though.
I know that he didn't have a solictor at the initial interview and that worries me but what I haven't been able to find out is how the police find information out. What leads them to the knock. Do ISP's tip them off? Or is it a person who reports people to the police. I can imagine a scenario where they confiscate equipment and the information may lead them onto the next person. I just need to get my head around whether people arrested have always done 'something'. I hope that makes sense.
Thanks
Im really sorry to hear that you are going through this. Its such a difficult thing especially the first few weeks.
With my ex the knock happened after illegal activity was noted on the internet as far as I understand it. So I believe that the internet provider has some means of monitoring and that they alerted the police who found images on his phone.
Ive also heard of a local case where a man left his laptop unlocked when leaving the office and the coworker spotted something on the screen which he thought looked strange and alerted the police
With my ex the knock happened after illegal activity was noted on the internet as far as I understand it. So I believe that the internet provider has some means of monitoring and that they alerted the police who found images on his phone.
Ive also heard of a local case where a man left his laptop unlocked when leaving the office and the coworker spotted something on the screen which he thought looked strange and alerted the police
Hi Betty,
there are a myriad of ways police knock your door for these type of offences. It could be online monitoring by the police or a tip off from one of the big search engines or photo applications online. You can’t really second guess it. Even if it gets as far as court you can’t always interrogate the police ‘intelligence’, never finding out what drew their devastating attention.
You may find out more after the devices are examined or your son may have a better idea of what’s happened. It may not be an image offence but chatting to someone online?
It drives you mad the not knowing but try to control what you can in your life, you can’t control the police or their investigation.
Best wishes
Jaded.
there are a myriad of ways police knock your door for these type of offences. It could be online monitoring by the police or a tip off from one of the big search engines or photo applications online. You can’t really second guess it. Even if it gets as far as court you can’t always interrogate the police ‘intelligence’, never finding out what drew their devastating attention.
You may find out more after the devices are examined or your son may have a better idea of what’s happened. It may not be an image offence but chatting to someone online?
It drives you mad the not knowing but try to control what you can in your life, you can’t control the police or their investigation.
Best wishes
Jaded.
Betty
all I can say is, your not alone. So many women up and down the county seem to be impacted. And they never saw it coming. My husband was arrested five days before Christmas. The police said there was a photo uploaded to some kind of server and they tracked the IP address .
My ex still remains very secretive and sensitive about the whole thing, so don’t think I will fully understand what he did till the devises are checked.
my only advice is take one day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time. Jaded is right we can’t control the police investigation so all you can do is look after your well-being. Tell your son you love him and are supportive of him. I am guessing that is what your choosing to do, children are precious. He has done some wrong but is not an inherently bad person. Now is the time for him to deal with these.
So so try and encourage him to talk or contact Lucy Faithfull.
You can contact Lucy Faithfull too.
Your not alone Betty we are orvhave all going through this together, and there are some wonderful and non judgmental people on this forum. Their support has been invaluable to me. As given the nature of the arrest their is a level of privacy around discussing it.
any difficult feelings or questions just post here.
i am still in limbo waiting for the computer to come back so I and my ex husband can get some closure. It maybe a rollercoaster ahead but we are on the ride together with you.
you seem like a very loving mum, wishing you all the best. Touch base with us over the weekend if you need too xxx
all I can say is, your not alone. So many women up and down the county seem to be impacted. And they never saw it coming. My husband was arrested five days before Christmas. The police said there was a photo uploaded to some kind of server and they tracked the IP address .
My ex still remains very secretive and sensitive about the whole thing, so don’t think I will fully understand what he did till the devises are checked.
my only advice is take one day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time. Jaded is right we can’t control the police investigation so all you can do is look after your well-being. Tell your son you love him and are supportive of him. I am guessing that is what your choosing to do, children are precious. He has done some wrong but is not an inherently bad person. Now is the time for him to deal with these.
So so try and encourage him to talk or contact Lucy Faithfull.
You can contact Lucy Faithfull too.
Your not alone Betty we are orvhave all going through this together, and there are some wonderful and non judgmental people on this forum. Their support has been invaluable to me. As given the nature of the arrest their is a level of privacy around discussing it.
any difficult feelings or questions just post here.
i am still in limbo waiting for the computer to come back so I and my ex husband can get some closure. It maybe a rollercoaster ahead but we are on the ride together with you.
you seem like a very loving mum, wishing you all the best. Touch base with us over the weekend if you need too xxx
Thank you all for your lovely comments. They brought a tear to my eye. You are a kind bunch and I'm really glad I found this forum. I've been reading the threads over the past two weeks and it has been a great help.
My partner too said I would just have to 'ride the rollercoaster' to the next stop. The police said the queue for examination of equipment was six months.
My biggest fear (for my son's sake more than mine) is the press activity followed by Facebook and whether that attracts any physical attacks on him or his home. That thread has been helpful. And I'm going to get him solicitor as per the advice on here.
Thanks again.
My partner too said I would just have to 'ride the rollercoaster' to the next stop. The police said the queue for examination of equipment was six months.
My biggest fear (for my son's sake more than mine) is the press activity followed by Facebook and whether that attracts any physical attacks on him or his home. That thread has been helpful. And I'm going to get him solicitor as per the advice on here.
Thanks again.
Hi Betty
My ex husband was monitored for several months by the police, some activity had alerted them to what he was doing so they gathered evidence before getting a warrant to search our house!
Try the helpline and if you can get your son too please do, maybe some counselling?
Please make sure you look after yourself while supporting your son though as you need to be as fit as you can be in order to get through this.
Our equipment was away for about 18 weeks before he was interviewed but they did take 36 items with them!!
Take care xx
My ex husband was monitored for several months by the police, some activity had alerted them to what he was doing so they gathered evidence before getting a warrant to search our house!
Try the helpline and if you can get your son too please do, maybe some counselling?
Please make sure you look after yourself while supporting your son though as you need to be as fit as you can be in order to get through this.
Our equipment was away for about 18 weeks before he was interviewed but they did take 36 items with them!!
Take care xx
Thanks for your reply Tracey. It's useful to know how the investigations start. The wait is going to be hard though. I might end up lulling myself into a false sense of security. I wonder if that is what we do so our brains can cope with it?
I made a list today of people that I will need to go and see face to face when (if) the worse happens.
Thanks again.
I made a list today of people that I will need to go and see face to face when (if) the worse happens.
Thanks again.
Betty,
you do sound like you are being pratical. I like the idea of doing a list of people to tell face to face. I will need to follow you on that one. I am only telling people on a need to know basis as the moment. But do think worse comes to the worse I will need to sit down tell people.
i do hope people will be understanding the two friends I have shared my circumstances with have been good so far. But I know people will be angry for the pain my ex husband has put me through so need to manage my feelings too.
I do know what you mean about the brains way of coping is to get on with things.
i have fully decorated my bathroom and now clearing my garden since the knock. I just can’t sit still.
Please take song time out for yourself too. It’s a lot of energy to keep giving to your son. And he needs you to be supportive of him. Honestly be proud of him for accepting support my partner can’t and it will help him in his recovery
Betty you sound like you are being very brave. But if you ever have a wobble don’t forget you can write it out for us xxx.
you do sound like you are being pratical. I like the idea of doing a list of people to tell face to face. I will need to follow you on that one. I am only telling people on a need to know basis as the moment. But do think worse comes to the worse I will need to sit down tell people.
i do hope people will be understanding the two friends I have shared my circumstances with have been good so far. But I know people will be angry for the pain my ex husband has put me through so need to manage my feelings too.
I do know what you mean about the brains way of coping is to get on with things.
i have fully decorated my bathroom and now clearing my garden since the knock. I just can’t sit still.
Please take song time out for yourself too. It’s a lot of energy to keep giving to your son. And he needs you to be supportive of him. Honestly be proud of him for accepting support my partner can’t and it will help him in his recovery
Betty you sound like you are being very brave. But if you ever have a wobble don’t forget you can write it out for us xxx.
Hi Bethlou23 and Betty
I think my friends and family that do know, although are pretty disgusted at my ex's behaviour, they are so angry with his treatment of me.
In the main I've been really lucky and 99% of people have been wonderful, there have been 1 or 2 I've been disappointed in but that's their choice.
The emotions come and go and can change several times during the day, sometimes I'm in a fan mood and other times I struggle to get out of bed, although I do and plaster the smile on!!
Lots of love lovely people xx
I think my friends and family that do know, although are pretty disgusted at my ex's behaviour, they are so angry with his treatment of me.
In the main I've been really lucky and 99% of people have been wonderful, there have been 1 or 2 I've been disappointed in but that's their choice.
The emotions come and go and can change several times during the day, sometimes I'm in a fan mood and other times I struggle to get out of bed, although I do and plaster the smile on!!
Lots of love lovely people xx
I decided not to tell anyone until I have to. I have a list of family and friends but a couple have question marks against them. How we word it will be important so I've been thinking about that. I suppose when we tell people we have to recognise that we've had months to come to terms with it but it will be new to them so even if we get a negative reaction on the day, it will settle down again. My partner said it will be soon be 'yesterday's news'.
Take care everyone xx
Take care everyone xx
Hi Betty
i have told a few people, but only ones I really trust. Their understanding has been great. I think for the others you agree amongst yourself what the story or the line is and stick to it. They don’t have a right to know everything.
i have told a few people, but only ones I really trust. Their understanding has been great. I think for the others you agree amongst yourself what the story or the line is and stick to it. They don’t have a right to know everything.