Spiralling - will life ever be ok?
Notifications OFF
Hi all.
I'm having a really difficult time. For some context, hubby arrested 6 weeks ago for online communication with 2 police decoys and for sending them inappropriate images of himself. Waiting on the investigation (his is RUI) to conclude. I am 7 months pregnant and dealing with SS (no other children)
From a social services perspective - they are being ok with us at the moment. Had some good feedback on the safety plan I created saying I'm proactive and assessing risks and family dynamics. They also have got me on a course to learn more about the offence and protecting (bit like the inform course but one on one and social worker lead). They have also praised all the work hubby is doing (engage course starting, therapy and all the stop it now modules.).
However, even though I know all this I'm spiralling. I cannot think positively about the future and cannot imagine we will ever be allowed to be a family again.
I'm scared he will go to prison - but weirdly I can cope with that if he can be here once baby is born and come back to us after his sentence. (Obviously I continue to hope for a suspended sentence but that's not a guarantee even though suggested outcome by solicitor and police).
Im scared our daughter will not be allowed to have a relationship with her dad. I know it will likely be supervised for a very long time. But I'm ok with that so long as he can be here for us and allowed to bond with his child. And I just can't get it out my head that they will try to split us up and not allow him to have that relationship with us.
I'm worried about little things too like will he be allowed to take her to the zoo with me or on days out? Will he lose his job (his work is not with children and they already know of the arrest)? How will I pay all the bills, mortgage and childcare on my own? (I wouldn't be eligible for universal credit or any support yet would definitely struggle).
I know that many of these questions can't be answered for sure because everyone's case and experience is different. But I'm trying to look for positive stories and outcomes and finding them so hard to come by.
I want to get some help for anxiety because I really am struggling but then I'm worried social services will take that badly and it will not help our case.
I really don't know where to go from here.
I'm having a really difficult time. For some context, hubby arrested 6 weeks ago for online communication with 2 police decoys and for sending them inappropriate images of himself. Waiting on the investigation (his is RUI) to conclude. I am 7 months pregnant and dealing with SS (no other children)
From a social services perspective - they are being ok with us at the moment. Had some good feedback on the safety plan I created saying I'm proactive and assessing risks and family dynamics. They also have got me on a course to learn more about the offence and protecting (bit like the inform course but one on one and social worker lead). They have also praised all the work hubby is doing (engage course starting, therapy and all the stop it now modules.).
However, even though I know all this I'm spiralling. I cannot think positively about the future and cannot imagine we will ever be allowed to be a family again.
I'm scared he will go to prison - but weirdly I can cope with that if he can be here once baby is born and come back to us after his sentence. (Obviously I continue to hope for a suspended sentence but that's not a guarantee even though suggested outcome by solicitor and police).
Im scared our daughter will not be allowed to have a relationship with her dad. I know it will likely be supervised for a very long time. But I'm ok with that so long as he can be here for us and allowed to bond with his child. And I just can't get it out my head that they will try to split us up and not allow him to have that relationship with us.
I'm worried about little things too like will he be allowed to take her to the zoo with me or on days out? Will he lose his job (his work is not with children and they already know of the arrest)? How will I pay all the bills, mortgage and childcare on my own? (I wouldn't be eligible for universal credit or any support yet would definitely struggle).
I know that many of these questions can't be answered for sure because everyone's case and experience is different. But I'm trying to look for positive stories and outcomes and finding them so hard to come by.
I want to get some help for anxiety because I really am struggling but then I'm worried social services will take that badly and it will not help our case.
I really don't know where to go from here.
I guess I just really need some advise from the people who are out the other end or nearly out, that it is possible to be happy again.
Hi I am 8 months down the line and we have dealt with charges and court and my partner even went to prison for 7 months.
He is now out he didn't get any orders a Longside his conviction,, it didn't go in the papers,, we talk on the phone every day about this and crap.
He lives in another area and about to go to court for him to have access to the children. The emotions do settal after time don't think it ever goes back to how things where but u find a new normal..
But the tips I was give where
Slow things down take time for urself,,
Eat when u can and sleep when you can,,,
This is not ur fault,, and try not to waste time on buts maybes and if because u need your engery,,
Use the form room and the helpline,,
There are story's in the feeds of people moving on and finding that new normal hun have a look xx
He is now out he didn't get any orders a Longside his conviction,, it didn't go in the papers,, we talk on the phone every day about this and crap.
He lives in another area and about to go to court for him to have access to the children. The emotions do settal after time don't think it ever goes back to how things where but u find a new normal..
But the tips I was give where
Slow things down take time for urself,,
Eat when u can and sleep when you can,,,
This is not ur fault,, and try not to waste time on buts maybes and if because u need your engery,,
Use the form room and the helpline,,
There are story's in the feeds of people moving on and finding that new normal hun have a look xx
Hi scaredlamb,
you're very similar to me as my partner was communication and my daughter was born seven weeks ago.
I've been told that days out.etc could be fine provided he was supervised so don't worry too much about all that yet.
It's hard but one day at a time is all you can do x
you're very similar to me as my partner was communication and my daughter was born seven weeks ago.
I've been told that days out.etc could be fine provided he was supervised so don't worry too much about all that yet.
It's hard but one day at a time is all you can do x
Thanks everyone.
Just having a bit of a bad day today! I have just organised some conselling for myself though our work programme and im hopefully it will help when I get these anxiety filled days.
I know there is hope out there. I just need to remember to look for it sometimes.
vickie- I do hope you get to have your hubby have access to the children please let us know how court goes
Lee - thank you as ever. I really admire your strength and sure I'll get there someday. It makes me really sad that they decided in his bail he couldn't see your daughter. I really just think that is cruel on her more than anything.
P&S - thanks again. I know we are in similar positions and im reading your posts with such interest still. I am so hopeful for you to get moved forward as soon as possible.
thanks all
Just having a bit of a bad day today! I have just organised some conselling for myself though our work programme and im hopefully it will help when I get these anxiety filled days.
I know there is hope out there. I just need to remember to look for it sometimes.
vickie- I do hope you get to have your hubby have access to the children please let us know how court goes
Lee - thank you as ever. I really admire your strength and sure I'll get there someday. It makes me really sad that they decided in his bail he couldn't see your daughter. I really just think that is cruel on her more than anything.
P&S - thanks again. I know we are in similar positions and im reading your posts with such interest still. I am so hopeful for you to get moved forward as soon as possible.
thanks all