Feeling numb
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Hi all,
today I just feel so numb. My partner was arrested at the end of March 2021 for sexual communication with a child (police decoy) and at the time I was 32 weeks pregnant.
ive since had my daughter and my partner lives separately (as per his bail conditions) and we are staying together but following guidance from SS in order to get my partner home eventually.
im really struggling to feel anything atm, it feels so numb. I just wish I knew what the outcome would be.
I have my protective carers assessment with SS on Friday and I have my safety plan written but I don't know what else I am supposed to have prepared?
please can someone it gets better than this. I just feel like I'm going to wake up from a bad dream :(
today I just feel so numb. My partner was arrested at the end of March 2021 for sexual communication with a child (police decoy) and at the time I was 32 weeks pregnant.
ive since had my daughter and my partner lives separately (as per his bail conditions) and we are staying together but following guidance from SS in order to get my partner home eventually.
im really struggling to feel anything atm, it feels so numb. I just wish I knew what the outcome would be.
I have my protective carers assessment with SS on Friday and I have my safety plan written but I don't know what else I am supposed to have prepared?
please can someone it gets better than this. I just feel like I'm going to wake up from a bad dream :(
Hey sweetie.
Obviously by now we both know we are in a very similar situation. I'm several weeks behind you in the process though so my advise may not be everything you need. I'm expecting my pre birth assessment in the next week or so. I'm 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow.
However, I am fortunate that I have a friend who's mother in law is a social worker so I have been able to get a little bit of advise at least from her that may be helpful for you for Friday.
Firstly, breathe. Remember you have not done anything wrong and be confident in yourself that you are a good mum and you ARE protective. Remember you have the right to speak and be heard.
Next, think about what you want to express to social services. This might be course you have done and knowledge you have or steps you have taken since the arrest ect. They are probably going to want to know you understand signs of abuse, signs your partner is relapsing, understanding where the risks are ect. Make a list of everything you have done and continue to do to support baby.
Next bit of advise I had is super helpful. Imagine you are sat in a room and to one side is baby and the other side is your partner. You cannot see both of them at the same time. If you are talking about your partner you have to look at him - this means no one is watching baby! So whenever you talk frame every answer so you are talking about the baby - because then you can "see her". And if you can see her you are protecting her. Remember Friday is about proving you can protect. It's not for you to prove partner wouldn't hurt baby ect ect. It's to prove you know he could and how you would stop that from happening. So don't talk about him too much and if they ask you a question about him make sure your answers start or end with "doing this for the baby" or similar.
Finally, before Friday give the family rights group a call! They might know what the assessment will include and they can probably give you advise on what to say and do.
Im so sorry there isn't a way for us to talk in person at the moment. I'm sure we could be a comfort to each other in lots of ways. I'm sure there is a bright future out there for us both and for our children and partners. I can't say how or when it will get better - but I know it must! The only way past this nightmare is through it and we are definitely strong enough to do it. Take care xxx
Obviously by now we both know we are in a very similar situation. I'm several weeks behind you in the process though so my advise may not be everything you need. I'm expecting my pre birth assessment in the next week or so. I'm 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow.
However, I am fortunate that I have a friend who's mother in law is a social worker so I have been able to get a little bit of advise at least from her that may be helpful for you for Friday.
Firstly, breathe. Remember you have not done anything wrong and be confident in yourself that you are a good mum and you ARE protective. Remember you have the right to speak and be heard.
Next, think about what you want to express to social services. This might be course you have done and knowledge you have or steps you have taken since the arrest ect. They are probably going to want to know you understand signs of abuse, signs your partner is relapsing, understanding where the risks are ect. Make a list of everything you have done and continue to do to support baby.
Next bit of advise I had is super helpful. Imagine you are sat in a room and to one side is baby and the other side is your partner. You cannot see both of them at the same time. If you are talking about your partner you have to look at him - this means no one is watching baby! So whenever you talk frame every answer so you are talking about the baby - because then you can "see her". And if you can see her you are protecting her. Remember Friday is about proving you can protect. It's not for you to prove partner wouldn't hurt baby ect ect. It's to prove you know he could and how you would stop that from happening. So don't talk about him too much and if they ask you a question about him make sure your answers start or end with "doing this for the baby" or similar.
Finally, before Friday give the family rights group a call! They might know what the assessment will include and they can probably give you advise on what to say and do.
Im so sorry there isn't a way for us to talk in person at the moment. I'm sure we could be a comfort to each other in lots of ways. I'm sure there is a bright future out there for us both and for our children and partners. I can't say how or when it will get better - but I know it must! The only way past this nightmare is through it and we are definitely strong enough to do it. Take care xxx
Hi,
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It is such a hard time with so many thoughts and so many unanswered questions. Have you spoken to your GP?
What is the guidance from SS that you're following? Did you ask the SW what to expect from the protective carers assesment as the unknown is always more worrying. If they wanted you to prepare anything I'm sure they would've asked but you're one step ahead so alongside your safety plan you could also use this time to strongly and clearly inform the SW of all the research you have done and how this has increased your understanding. Get it all written out and in front of you, don't hold back on the details, no detail is too small when they are documenting everything you're saying. As much as this assessment will be causing you anxiety, try and flip your thoughts a little and remember this meeting isn't just about them asking questions and getting what they want out of it, it's also a chance for you to sell* yourself, show them how much you know, make sure they see that you understand he has committed a crime and that there will always be a level of risk but that this is all about your daughter and how this is and will impact her and you want to safeguard her physically and safeguard her future development.
As for feeling like you're going to wake up from a bad dream. I still have these days. Our first arrest was 2019 our second 2021 and sometimes I still think is this really my life... But it does and will become a little easier.
You're stronger than you think!! xxx
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It is such a hard time with so many thoughts and so many unanswered questions. Have you spoken to your GP?
What is the guidance from SS that you're following? Did you ask the SW what to expect from the protective carers assesment as the unknown is always more worrying. If they wanted you to prepare anything I'm sure they would've asked but you're one step ahead so alongside your safety plan you could also use this time to strongly and clearly inform the SW of all the research you have done and how this has increased your understanding. Get it all written out and in front of you, don't hold back on the details, no detail is too small when they are documenting everything you're saying. As much as this assessment will be causing you anxiety, try and flip your thoughts a little and remember this meeting isn't just about them asking questions and getting what they want out of it, it's also a chance for you to sell* yourself, show them how much you know, make sure they see that you understand he has committed a crime and that there will always be a level of risk but that this is all about your daughter and how this is and will impact her and you want to safeguard her physically and safeguard her future development.
As for feeling like you're going to wake up from a bad dream. I still have these days. Our first arrest was 2019 our second 2021 and sometimes I still think is this really my life... But it does and will become a little easier.
You're stronger than you think!! xxx