Friends
Notifications OFF
Hi
my hb was arrested over a year ago for IOC. Still awaiting court. Have decided to stick by him and have gone through a rough year with SS etc. Have still only told a few people, and I told a couple of my best friends who were initially great, but now they are coming more distant. It's upset me. As I have done nothing wrong and they've stopped invited me places etc. Did go on a bigger group weekend away with them this weekend in which I didn't take hubby as I recognise too soon, but I think they've made it pretty obvious that he wouldn't be welcome again in our future weekends away. . We just want to move forward with our lives but it appears that situations like this will be difficult. How do I deal with this? Do I have it out with them and ask specifically if he is not welcome, or do I just accept that he isn't or do I just not even ask? Just really struggling with it .
my hb was arrested over a year ago for IOC. Still awaiting court. Have decided to stick by him and have gone through a rough year with SS etc. Have still only told a few people, and I told a couple of my best friends who were initially great, but now they are coming more distant. It's upset me. As I have done nothing wrong and they've stopped invited me places etc. Did go on a bigger group weekend away with them this weekend in which I didn't take hubby as I recognise too soon, but I think they've made it pretty obvious that he wouldn't be welcome again in our future weekends away. . We just want to move forward with our lives but it appears that situations like this will be difficult. How do I deal with this? Do I have it out with them and ask specifically if he is not welcome, or do I just accept that he isn't or do I just not even ask? Just really struggling with it .
Hi there
I have yet to tell friends to be honest but there is a webpage in the stop it now site (under offenders modules, search for disclosure) which has helpful tips on how to go about it. It might be worth saying to your friends how you feel but also ask about what they think. It may be that they don't have a full grasp of the situation, if your partner is going courses to rehabilitate and mention the positives they might not be so distant.
But at the end of the day they may not feel comfortable and you can work around that to still keep a friendship. I won't be expecting anyone to involve my partner of they do t want to. I just hope my family and friends hear us out and see that my partner is not the same person as before
I have yet to tell friends to be honest but there is a webpage in the stop it now site (under offenders modules, search for disclosure) which has helpful tips on how to go about it. It might be worth saying to your friends how you feel but also ask about what they think. It may be that they don't have a full grasp of the situation, if your partner is going courses to rehabilitate and mention the positives they might not be so distant.
But at the end of the day they may not feel comfortable and you can work around that to still keep a friendship. I won't be expecting anyone to involve my partner of they do t want to. I just hope my family and friends hear us out and see that my partner is not the same person as before
I think it is understandable as in some ways there will be a new life onwards, with my brother who committed the crime I can't even see myself meeting him anytime soon!!! So these are mates not relatives, I really would not be offended that they don't want to see him. It may take a lot of time. Just be thankful they do still want to invite you even if not as often as before, this is still a good sign and work on yourself. You may be able to have a social life still but he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions from his social side, and as a joint social side just things may well not be the same as before but give it time
I would not have it out with them at all - this could backfire, just try to keep communication going
I would not have it out with them at all - this could backfire, just try to keep communication going
Huh?
Wow I think you miss understood my post, I was trying to explain of course people will find it hard to see the offender??? Why would they be invited to things as a couple so soon?
I'm sorry if you took my words the wrong way I did say keep communication open and tried to b helpful but now I feel really upset, I wont use this board anymore then if that is how I am made to feel
Wow I think you miss understood my post, I was trying to explain of course people will find it hard to see the offender??? Why would they be invited to things as a couple so soon?
I'm sorry if you took my words the wrong way I did say keep communication open and tried to b helpful but now I feel really upset, I wont use this board anymore then if that is how I am made to feel
I have recently confided in a best friend...
They told me that they needed time to process and that they were more worried about me and the ramifications on my life and to an extent our life.
They asked a few questions and I went away to my husband and then clarified them... Went back to her and she said she'd need some time to process everything...
They were a mutual friend ... My husband seems to think he has lost her for good ... I cannot really tell tbh... I thought I would be okay telling her ... But I kinda wish I hadn't now just because I dont want our relationship to be tainted because of this....
Id say anyone who has told a friend or wants to, just be very careful. Make sure that the friends know and like you partner first ... I have another group of best friends to whom I'd never ever tell this to because they're history with him is a little jaded...
They told me that they needed time to process and that they were more worried about me and the ramifications on my life and to an extent our life.
They asked a few questions and I went away to my husband and then clarified them... Went back to her and she said she'd need some time to process everything...
They were a mutual friend ... My husband seems to think he has lost her for good ... I cannot really tell tbh... I thought I would be okay telling her ... But I kinda wish I hadn't now just because I dont want our relationship to be tainted because of this....
Id say anyone who has told a friend or wants to, just be very careful. Make sure that the friends know and like you partner first ... I have another group of best friends to whom I'd never ever tell this to because they're history with him is a little jaded...