As a single parent what methods do u have of coping?
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I'm a single parent I didn't ask to be one nor do I want to be one but because of the knock and what my partner has done I am one again.
I work I do the nursery run, put up with a stroppy teenager and try to keep on top of housework. My SW has expressed my son has too many toys (he has) and wants me to downsize as well as move my son out of his cot into a big bed (which is flat packed ready to go up) I'm having trouble keeping up with normal day to day chores let alone find time to sort toys out and decorate. I work 8 hours a day 4 days a week. My sons at nursery 5 days a week for 2 hours and my stroppy teenager is at college.
my SW says to get family to help but they work and have families themselves and I really hate asking. Normal housework is never ending let alone extra chores on top. I can't be in another room from my son or him not have my attention when he's here.
I always feel deflated after a SW visit but today she's made me feel extra crap about myself and my situation. I'd like to hide away under the covers and have a good cry but I've got uniforms to iron and got to get myself to work and my son to nursery.
sorry for the attention seeking I feel crap again post.
I work I do the nursery run, put up with a stroppy teenager and try to keep on top of housework. My SW has expressed my son has too many toys (he has) and wants me to downsize as well as move my son out of his cot into a big bed (which is flat packed ready to go up) I'm having trouble keeping up with normal day to day chores let alone find time to sort toys out and decorate. I work 8 hours a day 4 days a week. My sons at nursery 5 days a week for 2 hours and my stroppy teenager is at college.
my SW says to get family to help but they work and have families themselves and I really hate asking. Normal housework is never ending let alone extra chores on top. I can't be in another room from my son or him not have my attention when he's here.
I always feel deflated after a SW visit but today she's made me feel extra crap about myself and my situation. I'd like to hide away under the covers and have a good cry but I've got uniforms to iron and got to get myself to work and my son to nursery.
sorry for the attention seeking I feel crap again post.
Hi there, Rusty.
I can really empathise with you and your situation. I am a single parent, too, raising a young boy with additional and complex needs - and, yes, it is tough; very tough. And the worst part about this is that the SW doesn't appreciate, not only the hell and high water I have been through, but also just how the SS's actions have impacted my child and this is now showing in aggression, violence, and general defiance - although none of this is wilful - it's a symptom of his condition, but, nevertheless, exacerabted by the situation.
Yes, his father did what he did, but I feel the SW & SS had a choice of how they treated me after the knock, and they automatically went for the most draconian and intrusive manner in which to handle matters. My son was placed in foster care whilst the whole sh!t show got sorted out. Even now, with my child back in my care, they constantly harass me.
However, back to you. Structure underpins everything I do - I know what has to be done every minute of every day. Your teenager sounds like he needs to help out, too, which I know is easier said than done, but it's time for them to step up and help. Try throwing in some rewards for him, this might help.
As for your SW - what actual right do they have to tell you that your child has too many toys? Answer: None! If our SW said that to me, I would tell him in no uncertain terms where he could stick that comment. Is having too many toys placing your child in immediate harm - no! That's all a SW should be focusing on.
Your SW sounds as if they need to start living in the real world where it's not all butterflies and sunshine. Yes, homes can be messy at times - so what? Don't set yourself unrealistic expectations and don't be afraid to ask them how they can help if they start moaning.
I can really empathise with you and your situation. I am a single parent, too, raising a young boy with additional and complex needs - and, yes, it is tough; very tough. And the worst part about this is that the SW doesn't appreciate, not only the hell and high water I have been through, but also just how the SS's actions have impacted my child and this is now showing in aggression, violence, and general defiance - although none of this is wilful - it's a symptom of his condition, but, nevertheless, exacerabted by the situation.
Yes, his father did what he did, but I feel the SW & SS had a choice of how they treated me after the knock, and they automatically went for the most draconian and intrusive manner in which to handle matters. My son was placed in foster care whilst the whole sh!t show got sorted out. Even now, with my child back in my care, they constantly harass me.
However, back to you. Structure underpins everything I do - I know what has to be done every minute of every day. Your teenager sounds like he needs to help out, too, which I know is easier said than done, but it's time for them to step up and help. Try throwing in some rewards for him, this might help.
As for your SW - what actual right do they have to tell you that your child has too many toys? Answer: None! If our SW said that to me, I would tell him in no uncertain terms where he could stick that comment. Is having too many toys placing your child in immediate harm - no! That's all a SW should be focusing on.
Your SW sounds as if they need to start living in the real world where it's not all butterflies and sunshine. Yes, homes can be messy at times - so what? Don't set yourself unrealistic expectations and don't be afraid to ask them how they can help if they start moaning.
Hi all over the place and lost 123
thank you for ur replies. I've found that I'm trying to keep my head above water while all this is going on the SW keeps coming with more problems and no support or solutions I know I'm here because of what my ex has done but I feel I'm the one under scrutiny and being investigated for it.
I googled the report u mentioned lost and it's very hard hitting and true with what it reports. I feel we are a silent majority I've not seen a drama or documentary set from the women's point of view in cases like ours. I've Seen plenty from the men's and the polices side. Everyday throws something new at us so let's see what tomorrow brings.
stay safe x
thank you for ur replies. I've found that I'm trying to keep my head above water while all this is going on the SW keeps coming with more problems and no support or solutions I know I'm here because of what my ex has done but I feel I'm the one under scrutiny and being investigated for it.
I googled the report u mentioned lost and it's very hard hitting and true with what it reports. I feel we are a silent majority I've not seen a drama or documentary set from the women's point of view in cases like ours. I've Seen plenty from the men's and the polices side. Everyday throws something new at us so let's see what tomorrow brings.
stay safe x
Rusty123,
I no hoe u feel ss r making me feel like shit because we as a family want to help him through it, I think the more they push the more we push back because we know ( u and I) that we haven't done anything wrong so y should we be punished. I wish my sw could see how bad of an impact us being cpp is having on my children, I feel like they don't care, we have took our responsibility of the impact we had cause or he had but now they r putting my kids through hell just to make them feel better, ( I no its not that simple ) but our kids don't want then in our lives. Sorry for the rant message any time ur struggling x
I no hoe u feel ss r making me feel like shit because we as a family want to help him through it, I think the more they push the more we push back because we know ( u and I) that we haven't done anything wrong so y should we be punished. I wish my sw could see how bad of an impact us being cpp is having on my children, I feel like they don't care, we have took our responsibility of the impact we had cause or he had but now they r putting my kids through hell just to make them feel better, ( I no its not that simple ) but our kids don't want then in our lives. Sorry for the rant message any time ur struggling x
Hi Rusty
I felt that I must respond to your post. I am really sorry to here that your SW has made you feel terrible, I do hope you are feeling better today.
SW are meant to be there for support aren't they? Not to make you feel worthless and "crap". How do they expect people to carry on caring for their children, dealing with stroppy teenagers, general everyday chores, work , paying the bills, everyday troubles that crop up that you have to deal with, the list is endless and as a single parent!!! and they are worried about a bed! Too many toys!
I am sure you are doing a great job Rusty, keeping all that together! please don't let anyone make you feel you are not. They see a snap shot of your life, when they decide to pop in for 1 hour!!!! And are not in a position to judge you! You haven't done anything wrong, remember that. I am not saying that SW are not needed, of course they are, their role in ensuring children are safe is of paramount importance , but they must go about there work with compassion and consideration for the parent and family unit as a whole too.
there is a fine line, if you constantly put people down about their parenting skills making them feel terrible will ultimately affect the parents mental health which can then put the family unit at risk , you could say the SW then would have played a part in letting that happen . Keep strong and seek support from here and LFF.
take care of you ! Best wishes, big virtual hug.
I felt that I must respond to your post. I am really sorry to here that your SW has made you feel terrible, I do hope you are feeling better today.
SW are meant to be there for support aren't they? Not to make you feel worthless and "crap". How do they expect people to carry on caring for their children, dealing with stroppy teenagers, general everyday chores, work , paying the bills, everyday troubles that crop up that you have to deal with, the list is endless and as a single parent!!! and they are worried about a bed! Too many toys!
I am sure you are doing a great job Rusty, keeping all that together! please don't let anyone make you feel you are not. They see a snap shot of your life, when they decide to pop in for 1 hour!!!! And are not in a position to judge you! You haven't done anything wrong, remember that. I am not saying that SW are not needed, of course they are, their role in ensuring children are safe is of paramount importance , but they must go about there work with compassion and consideration for the parent and family unit as a whole too.
there is a fine line, if you constantly put people down about their parenting skills making them feel terrible will ultimately affect the parents mental health which can then put the family unit at risk , you could say the SW then would have played a part in letting that happen . Keep strong and seek support from here and LFF.
take care of you ! Best wishes, big virtual hug.