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My bf told me last year that he was on the SOR following a conviction for downloads of child sexual abuse images. He claimed this was an accidental download when obtaining other adult material. He had no defense so pleaded guilty but didnt expect the conviction. It happened prior to us getting together but as we was expecting a child together he needed to tell me. The order was subsequently reduced from 10 to 7 years on appeal and he was getting on with his life.
Our baby was born in December and social services, health visitors and jigsaw all signed the case off as could see our son was being looked after and in a happy family home. We were so very happy.
This June the Jigsaw officer did a routine visit and it happened to be on my first day away from home. They was not happy with my partners appearance nor him being alone with our son. They said he was evasive with questioning and didn't comply with their questions. They left and then visited me separately with the same social worker we met at xmas. They informed me that it was in fact 123 images downloaded of child sexual abuse and comments he made that children repulsed him but the images he was obsessed with. Both comments he denies and is seeking legal advice over. They asked if I had a laptop of which i voluntarily handed it over. This is now being forensically analysed as he uses it for his work accounts they are saying this breaches the SHPO and seperate criminal proceedings will be issued. I have no doubt that anything will be on there but i am still frightened this means he has breached his order.
As the social worker wasn't happy about him being left (although nothing on the order states this) an icpc was organised and this week they voted in favour of a child protection plan as they see my son at risk of harm and neglect. I am happy to do whatever to work with the agencies to proove to them that our son is our priority.
They are also putting pressure on me to tell my family - a family of police officers and my mother works in child care. I feel if I tell them it will be no going back and they will immediatly disown my partner and I would have to choose them or him.
I cannot believe this is happening to us. I am so distraught, i cannot eat, its effecting my sleep, I feel like I want to hide away so people don't sense me being withdrawn. He is the same- a broken man. I look at him and think am I being fooled as I cannot believe he would be into stuff like this and he loves our son so very very much or am I just too emotionally connected to him that I cannot identify I'm being lied too.
I tried to phone the helpline today but all afternoon its been busy and i just feel like I need support myself - it's soo much to deal with by myself and in secret as well as looking after a 7 month old baby.
The stories on here are so very brave. I just hope I can be brave one day as this is a horrific nightmare at the moment.
Our baby was born in December and social services, health visitors and jigsaw all signed the case off as could see our son was being looked after and in a happy family home. We were so very happy.
This June the Jigsaw officer did a routine visit and it happened to be on my first day away from home. They was not happy with my partners appearance nor him being alone with our son. They said he was evasive with questioning and didn't comply with their questions. They left and then visited me separately with the same social worker we met at xmas. They informed me that it was in fact 123 images downloaded of child sexual abuse and comments he made that children repulsed him but the images he was obsessed with. Both comments he denies and is seeking legal advice over. They asked if I had a laptop of which i voluntarily handed it over. This is now being forensically analysed as he uses it for his work accounts they are saying this breaches the SHPO and seperate criminal proceedings will be issued. I have no doubt that anything will be on there but i am still frightened this means he has breached his order.
As the social worker wasn't happy about him being left (although nothing on the order states this) an icpc was organised and this week they voted in favour of a child protection plan as they see my son at risk of harm and neglect. I am happy to do whatever to work with the agencies to proove to them that our son is our priority.
They are also putting pressure on me to tell my family - a family of police officers and my mother works in child care. I feel if I tell them it will be no going back and they will immediatly disown my partner and I would have to choose them or him.
I cannot believe this is happening to us. I am so distraught, i cannot eat, its effecting my sleep, I feel like I want to hide away so people don't sense me being withdrawn. He is the same- a broken man. I look at him and think am I being fooled as I cannot believe he would be into stuff like this and he loves our son so very very much or am I just too emotionally connected to him that I cannot identify I'm being lied too.
I tried to phone the helpline today but all afternoon its been busy and i just feel like I need support myself - it's soo much to deal with by myself and in secret as well as looking after a 7 month old baby.
The stories on here are so very brave. I just hope I can be brave one day as this is a horrific nightmare at the moment.
Hi Brokenwing,
I am pleased that you have reached out for some support and advice from other forum members. Opening up on the forum for the first time is a very brave step. We have noticed you have not yet received a reply from other users but hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
I’m sorry to hear that you have been unable to get through to our helpline, and I know this can be frustrating. As a small charity, the helpline can get very busy at times, and it may take multiple attempts to get through. I would encourage you to please keep trying to call us; we aim to get to as many callers as we can, sometimes calling between 5pm – 8:30pm (Monday to Thursday) can be a quieter time to get through. One of our advisors may be able to discuss you concerned about Social Services with you but it is really positive that you are willing do work with social services to ensure your sons safety.
One of the most important things to do at the moment is to ensure you are looking after yourself at well as you can. Ensuring that you are eating and sleeping properly and getting some exercise daily can be really helpful in making you start to feel a bit better in yourself. You mentioned you are struggling with this and that you are keen to access some support and so, you might find it beneficial to book an appointment with your GP if you haven’t already done so, to discuss how you are feeling. They might be able to offer further support services that might help you as it sounds from your post that you are struggling at the moment.
I understand from your post that there is pressure to tell your family about your situation and you feel as if you cannot confide in your family, perhaps in the meantime, it might be helpful to confide in a close friend about what you are going through so you are not struggling alone.
Take care,
Lucy
I am pleased that you have reached out for some support and advice from other forum members. Opening up on the forum for the first time is a very brave step. We have noticed you have not yet received a reply from other users but hopefully someone else in a similar situation can reply soon with some support.
I’m sorry to hear that you have been unable to get through to our helpline, and I know this can be frustrating. As a small charity, the helpline can get very busy at times, and it may take multiple attempts to get through. I would encourage you to please keep trying to call us; we aim to get to as many callers as we can, sometimes calling between 5pm – 8:30pm (Monday to Thursday) can be a quieter time to get through. One of our advisors may be able to discuss you concerned about Social Services with you but it is really positive that you are willing do work with social services to ensure your sons safety.
One of the most important things to do at the moment is to ensure you are looking after yourself at well as you can. Ensuring that you are eating and sleeping properly and getting some exercise daily can be really helpful in making you start to feel a bit better in yourself. You mentioned you are struggling with this and that you are keen to access some support and so, you might find it beneficial to book an appointment with your GP if you haven’t already done so, to discuss how you are feeling. They might be able to offer further support services that might help you as it sounds from your post that you are struggling at the moment.
I understand from your post that there is pressure to tell your family about your situation and you feel as if you cannot confide in your family, perhaps in the meantime, it might be helpful to confide in a close friend about what you are going through so you are not struggling alone.
Take care,
Lucy
Hi brokenwing,
I am so sorry u r going through this awful time, it is hard to no when u r being lied too, hopefully he isnt lying to u and u can work it out, ss can be a nightmare, its so hard when u r not there when the conversations happen, because its a struggle who to believe. I don't I've been any help but just take things slow and see how they go
I am so sorry u r going through this awful time, it is hard to no when u r being lied too, hopefully he isnt lying to u and u can work it out, ss can be a nightmare, its so hard when u r not there when the conversations happen, because its a struggle who to believe. I don't I've been any help but just take things slow and see how they go
Hi brokenwing.
Hope u are well sorry u are here. For 1st month after the knock I walked around in a dazedidnt tell anyone the only people who knew was his family who at the start were all it's wrong someone has it in for him and told lies to not acknowledging it at all with me. Only person I could talk to was my manager at work as we worked together. I think the worst thing is being judged for something we didn't do nor have any control over. I hope social services work with you and not against you. I don't come here that often but if u need me I'm here to listen. I'm also on mumsnet if u want my I'll give u my user name x
Hope u are well sorry u are here. For 1st month after the knock I walked around in a dazedidnt tell anyone the only people who knew was his family who at the start were all it's wrong someone has it in for him and told lies to not acknowledging it at all with me. Only person I could talk to was my manager at work as we worked together. I think the worst thing is being judged for something we didn't do nor have any control over. I hope social services work with you and not against you. I don't come here that often but if u need me I'm here to listen. I'm also on mumsnet if u want my I'll give u my user name x