SS are starting legal advice on next step what can I do?
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So phone call from social service says because my son constantly says he's seen dad and keeps mentioning him at school they are starting to take legal advice to see if they are doing the right thing by my son.
Ive asked for every bit of data from every meeting and every phone call as I will be taking legal advice too. SW said I didn't need to as if they decided to take things further then they will appoint and pay for a solicitor for me. I told her nah I ain't having this and I want advice before.
she also said that someone had told her that me n my ex were still in a relationship. We are friends cos I have no one really to talk to about all this and I've met up with him alone about once a month to take items to him but even she says I shouldn't be doing that. I'm going to have my 2nd big conference meetings this week and I feel I'll have to take time off work to seek advice and get my head around it all. I'm so angry as I feel or more like know that they have decided and made there minds up about my family and the situation we are in before talking to me and whatever I say it's wrong.
recently I've been getting upset in meetings and ending them early or telling them all what I think and she is worried this will happen at next conference meeting. So I'm supposed to sit and take it all the lies in and not say or do anything.
sorry for the rant again
Ive asked for every bit of data from every meeting and every phone call as I will be taking legal advice too. SW said I didn't need to as if they decided to take things further then they will appoint and pay for a solicitor for me. I told her nah I ain't having this and I want advice before.
she also said that someone had told her that me n my ex were still in a relationship. We are friends cos I have no one really to talk to about all this and I've met up with him alone about once a month to take items to him but even she says I shouldn't be doing that. I'm going to have my 2nd big conference meetings this week and I feel I'll have to take time off work to seek advice and get my head around it all. I'm so angry as I feel or more like know that they have decided and made there minds up about my family and the situation we are in before talking to me and whatever I say it's wrong.
recently I've been getting upset in meetings and ending them early or telling them all what I think and she is worried this will happen at next conference meeting. So I'm supposed to sit and take it all the lies in and not say or do anything.
sorry for the rant again
Hi Rusty
sorry I can't advise as I have no experience with SW but wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug xx take care and I do hope your siruation improves and you feel better soon x
sorry I can't advise as I have no experience with SW but wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug xx take care and I do hope your siruation improves and you feel better soon x
Hi Rusty,
I no how u feel, ss are complete tossers, SORRY but they are driving me insane, I understand why because they think I minimised wat my husband did but its not true, I just want my nightmare to end, we are in cpp and our next meeting is in August, we have core group meetings where I tend to get emotional but I've done nothing wrong but I'm the one who has to go on courses, I'm the one who has to be assessed, I've done nothing wrong!!! No one wants to help just keeps saying u have to do wat ss say even if it's distressing our children. I would seek legal advice but again just be careful that they say u have to do wat social say. SORRY FOR THE RANT xx
I no how u feel, ss are complete tossers, SORRY but they are driving me insane, I understand why because they think I minimised wat my husband did but its not true, I just want my nightmare to end, we are in cpp and our next meeting is in August, we have core group meetings where I tend to get emotional but I've done nothing wrong but I'm the one who has to go on courses, I'm the one who has to be assessed, I've done nothing wrong!!! No one wants to help just keeps saying u have to do wat ss say even if it's distressing our children. I would seek legal advice but again just be careful that they say u have to do wat social say. SORRY FOR THE RANT xx
That's so incredibly stressful I can't imagine. I was fortunate to have some positive talks with SS but even that was stressful so feeling lied to and misunderstood sounds just awful I really feel for you. I would say that appointing someone to speak for you at meetings may well be a good idea - you are articulate on here but it sounds like you are struggling to put your side across when emotions run high at these meetings which is understandable but might not be helping your case. I hope you can get your voice heard. Having them make decisions on hearsay is just horrible. They will (we have to hope/ assume) be wanting to ensure the safety of your children. It is clear you want that too so having someone else to speak for you to make sure they know that might help xx
Thank you for ur replies
i am going to phone the family help group and solicitors tomorrow when the SW rang and informed me they were starting legal proceedings at 3pm today the help line had closed for the day.
another day tomorrow so see what that brings.
if anyone has had a 2nd child conference meeting can you tell me what's supposed to happen before and when? Do I get a report? Thanks
i am going to phone the family help group and solicitors tomorrow when the SW rang and informed me they were starting legal proceedings at 3pm today the help line had closed for the day.
another day tomorrow so see what that brings.
if anyone has had a 2nd child conference meeting can you tell me what's supposed to happen before and when? Do I get a report? Thanks
Thanks again for replies.
CPP conference tomorrow and had no emailed report. SW wanted to come to the house today to give it me but I wasn't going to be in and told her to email it me but nothings came through yet.
SS are a law unto themselves they seem to do what they want and not follow protocol.
also I had a update from the police last week and she wanted to know what they said to me. She actually went on and on at me until I told her. Could I have told her it was confidential between me and them?
sorry for all the questions
CPP conference tomorrow and had no emailed report. SW wanted to come to the house today to give it me but I wasn't going to be in and told her to email it me but nothings came through yet.
SS are a law unto themselves they seem to do what they want and not follow protocol.
also I had a update from the police last week and she wanted to know what they said to me. She actually went on and on at me until I told her. Could I have told her it was confidential between me and them?
sorry for all the questions
Rusty it sound like they could be taking it PLO. Please contact Brendan Fleming Solicitors, they are all for parents rather than SS. Also dont take solicitors from their list always go out of your borough. Remain calm in your meetings as they may use your emotions as a negative against you. Have a copy of SS procedures in front of you in any meetings.
Thanks everyone
hi dawn 14 I know what you mean I rang the family help group and a solicitor. The family help group basically said I have to do everything that's been advised by SS and the solicitor said they couldn't help until a PLO (I think that's what it is called) is sent out basically when proceedings are started to remove the child. I took a day off work to sort it out and I feel even worse and no farther forward. I've locked the world out for now but not for long as I've gotta be a mum again soon and do mum stuff.
the conference meeting ended up with my ex breaking down and everyone (but me) being all sympathetic and understanding towards him until a family member came and took him away from it all. I had to stay in the meeting and listen to all the bollocks about how I can't protect them how my mental health is suffering and effecting the children and home. They have told me to pack all my ex belongings up and ask his parents to come collect it. I lost it and told the SW why can't u ask his parents or my ex ask them? Why do I have to endure the looks and the comments from them (his dad can be quiet vocal with me about it all) they want his parents to store it all at there house (will not go down well with them at all)
I know that there will be no relationship with my ex but we can't even be friends now, I've got no one to talk to now about this or just boring day to day stuff
so in conclusion there's no point me fighting my corner as I get no where everyone sides with SS and say it's in the children's interest. I've done nothing wrong but I'm the baddie in all of this. SS are going to do what they want and I'll just have to except the outcome in it all.
I feel there's no point carrying on with anything.
sorry x
hi dawn 14 I know what you mean I rang the family help group and a solicitor. The family help group basically said I have to do everything that's been advised by SS and the solicitor said they couldn't help until a PLO (I think that's what it is called) is sent out basically when proceedings are started to remove the child. I took a day off work to sort it out and I feel even worse and no farther forward. I've locked the world out for now but not for long as I've gotta be a mum again soon and do mum stuff.
the conference meeting ended up with my ex breaking down and everyone (but me) being all sympathetic and understanding towards him until a family member came and took him away from it all. I had to stay in the meeting and listen to all the bollocks about how I can't protect them how my mental health is suffering and effecting the children and home. They have told me to pack all my ex belongings up and ask his parents to come collect it. I lost it and told the SW why can't u ask his parents or my ex ask them? Why do I have to endure the looks and the comments from them (his dad can be quiet vocal with me about it all) they want his parents to store it all at there house (will not go down well with them at all)
I know that there will be no relationship with my ex but we can't even be friends now, I've got no one to talk to now about this or just boring day to day stuff
so in conclusion there's no point me fighting my corner as I get no where everyone sides with SS and say it's in the children's interest. I've done nothing wrong but I'm the baddie in all of this. SS are going to do what they want and I'll just have to except the outcome in it all.
I feel there's no point carrying on with anything.
sorry x
Hi Rusty123,
I really do no how u feel and I have felt the same way for the last 2 weeks even more, its so unfair when do people not want to help us, partners, ex partners wat did we do so wrong we can't help who we fell in love with, it makes me so angry that no one wants to help us. I am only a message away, im on mumsnet if u want to private message, I promise I'm not a crank just an honest mum trying to get through this shit we r in
I really do no how u feel and I have felt the same way for the last 2 weeks even more, its so unfair when do people not want to help us, partners, ex partners wat did we do so wrong we can't help who we fell in love with, it makes me so angry that no one wants to help us. I am only a message away, im on mumsnet if u want to private message, I promise I'm not a crank just an honest mum trying to get through this shit we r in
Hi
Randy321 on mumsnet
happily talk to anyone about anything x
Randy321 on mumsnet
happily talk to anyone about anything x
Can someone tell me what helplines are available please I rang one but she sided with the social services and agreed with how they were treating me.
SS have supposed to have sent emails to me and my ex in the past and we have never received them. The woman on the phone started going on about how my ex was grooming me by saying he hadn't received the messages. She wouldn't believe we had never received the messages. Just want someone to listen and not judge.
thanks x
SS have supposed to have sent emails to me and my ex in the past and we have never received them. The woman on the phone started going on about how my ex was grooming me by saying he hadn't received the messages. She wouldn't believe we had never received the messages. Just want someone to listen and not judge.
thanks x
Aww Rusty my heart just broke reading this post! Was it the family rights group that said he was grooming you!?! The best advice I can give you is what others have said above, call around for lawyers! Most will chat with you for a while and give you advice, the ones I spoke to were great and get an advocate for the meetings! Have SS actually told you want they want you to do to prove you're protective, have the given you guidence on how to ease their worries? Also are you seeking help to support your mental health. I did a self referral through the NHS with iTalk. It's only now I'm doing the therapy that I'm realising how much I need it! Have you call the StopItNow helpline and they will definitely be on tour side and are very knowledgeable about all areas and professionals that surround this!
There is hope hun, I know it's incredibly hard right now but take the advice that has been given in all the comments and get some people on your side, get help making your voice heard because you're their mother and your voice matters! Try your best to remain calm during the meeting, even if you just sit there and feel the angry and upset then send a well worded email afterwards. As if you're logging out early or getting very emotional they'll see it that you're not willing to or emotionally able to explore their guidance and work with them which will lead them to do what they always do and go to the worse case scenario and make decisions from that. It'll be hard but with the right professions and legal advice you'll get through this. xx
There is hope hun, I know it's incredibly hard right now but take the advice that has been given in all the comments and get some people on your side, get help making your voice heard because you're their mother and your voice matters! Try your best to remain calm during the meeting, even if you just sit there and feel the angry and upset then send a well worded email afterwards. As if you're logging out early or getting very emotional they'll see it that you're not willing to or emotionally able to explore their guidance and work with them which will lead them to do what they always do and go to the worse case scenario and make decisions from that. It'll be hard but with the right professions and legal advice you'll get through this. xx