Disgusted with myself.
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Hi I am reaching out for help. Its a very long story and I feel I'm at my breaking point. Filled with regret and I'm scared
I have been with my husband for 20 years. We have two beautiful boys age 13 and 7. My husband is a drinker and can definitely say he is mentally abusive however he would not think so.
Almost 6 years ago I found out that he had an image of a under age girl sleeping and its just of her underwear. He told me it was nothing that he saw somewhere he could get £5000 for a image like this. I was disgusted and it totally shock me to the core. Over the course of the years I found more videos and images his laptop. And he bought small girls underwear. I confronted him and he said he has always had an attraction but would never act on it. I also thought i saw him masterbating at the top bedroom window when girls were swimming in the pool. He still to this day denys that ever happened. There are other issues in the marriage and I have tried to leave but I'm struggling. I feel guilty for not leaving when I said I would but I believe his Narsaccistic manner had a hold on me. Playing on my fears or breaking up a family so I stayed.
Im scared to leave but feel I have to with my two boys. And have been planing this for a month or so. The fighting is not good and unhealthy for the children as they think this is normal behaviour.
I have not found any other evidence of child images but thats not to say he isn't hiding it well. I'm scared to report it and he find out it was me. I always hope there is a way that someone could monitor him. I use to have the findings on my phone but since I reset the phone its no longer there. I'm worried if this gets reported I will be in trouble too. I just didn't know how to deal with this as I was groomed and raped at a very young age so I started to withdraw.
Please help.
I have been with my husband for 20 years. We have two beautiful boys age 13 and 7. My husband is a drinker and can definitely say he is mentally abusive however he would not think so.
Almost 6 years ago I found out that he had an image of a under age girl sleeping and its just of her underwear. He told me it was nothing that he saw somewhere he could get £5000 for a image like this. I was disgusted and it totally shock me to the core. Over the course of the years I found more videos and images his laptop. And he bought small girls underwear. I confronted him and he said he has always had an attraction but would never act on it. I also thought i saw him masterbating at the top bedroom window when girls were swimming in the pool. He still to this day denys that ever happened. There are other issues in the marriage and I have tried to leave but I'm struggling. I feel guilty for not leaving when I said I would but I believe his Narsaccistic manner had a hold on me. Playing on my fears or breaking up a family so I stayed.
Im scared to leave but feel I have to with my two boys. And have been planing this for a month or so. The fighting is not good and unhealthy for the children as they think this is normal behaviour.
I have not found any other evidence of child images but thats not to say he isn't hiding it well. I'm scared to report it and he find out it was me. I always hope there is a way that someone could monitor him. I use to have the findings on my phone but since I reset the phone its no longer there. I'm worried if this gets reported I will be in trouble too. I just didn't know how to deal with this as I was groomed and raped at a very young age so I started to withdraw.
Please help.
Oh my goodness! You NEED to report this behaviour to the police. I understand he's your partner but if that was my partner I would report him to the police and move out with the kids or get him to move him out. His behaviour is not normal. I would also be concerned as if your internet provider reports it, which happened with us, and they find out you knew of his behaviour and did nothing..it will not look good. The safety of any child is the priority. Good luck and sending hugs
Oh bless you. What a horrible situation to be in. It's really brave of you posting here and I would echo what Lost has said and call the helpline as soon as you can.
It sounds like deep down you know what to do and even without your suspicions it sounds like a very difficult relationship and one that perhaps you know isn't healthy. Is there anywhere you can go with your children? Can you move in with a relative?
It sounds like deep down you know what to do and even without your suspicions it sounds like a very difficult relationship and one that perhaps you know isn't healthy. Is there anywhere you can go with your children? Can you move in with a relative?
What a horrible position to be in, you've got some good advice here. I would just note that if you do report to the police, I would involve a solictor too. By stating that you opened the laptop and looked at images you are potentially admitting to possessing images. Particularly if you did not delete, and checked at later times that the images were still there. Although you would hope the police would not investgate you, it is something you cannot guarantee. You are also giving him a potential defence, as it's a stronger case if only one person has access to a device. It sounds like there are other devices too which you don't have access too, so that should work in your favour.