A somewhat positive SS outcome
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Hi everyone
I have an update on my situation. For anyone new. Hubby was arrested in May and is RUI for 2x communication offences and for sending pictures of himself. This was police decoys. We are waiting on device searches ect. He has no bail conditions.
I am currently 8 months pregnant with our first baby - a girl.
SS became immediately involved with us and we had the outcome of our pre birth assssment this week. Before all that though I gained SOOO much information on this forum and did some suggested courses, a very detailed safety plan and had some great conversations with the social worker.
We seem to have been blessed to live in a more understanding LA and had a really fantastic SW doing the assessment. The SW has deemed husband at this time as "low risk" towards our child. She has assessed me as protective. She also said she had never seen a more detailed and comprehensive safety plan and the fact I did it without asking was a major plus. I'm also lucky as I was put straight on a SS run protection course which I'm about 1/3 of the way though and have had great feedback from them. Hubby has done a lot already in terms of his recovery and really showed understanding and remorse in his meeting with the SW. In short both hubby and me have put in a LOT of work.... and it's paid off!!
We will be Child in Need plan (they did consider CPP but decided we were proactive and protective enough that it isn't needed at the moment!). They have also agreed hubby can stay living with us once baby is born!
I know I am so super lucky. But I wanted to give people hope that there are good social workers out there. And it absolutely is possible to get partners home.
we have another meeting in 6 weeks as normal which should still be before baby is here unless she is early! But our actions for that are just to check we are still engaging with our courses/counselling, that baby is still doing ok in uterus and that we have completed disclosure to our immediate family (hubby's dad still to do at the moment). So long as nothing goes wrong in the next 6 weeks then we can bring her home together. Even if they do some more of the police investigation by then (unlikely) the SW suggested if nothing alarming is found we would continue or continue with the plan but go to CPP for additional visits ect. So all very positive!
I have an update on my situation. For anyone new. Hubby was arrested in May and is RUI for 2x communication offences and for sending pictures of himself. This was police decoys. We are waiting on device searches ect. He has no bail conditions.
I am currently 8 months pregnant with our first baby - a girl.
SS became immediately involved with us and we had the outcome of our pre birth assssment this week. Before all that though I gained SOOO much information on this forum and did some suggested courses, a very detailed safety plan and had some great conversations with the social worker.
We seem to have been blessed to live in a more understanding LA and had a really fantastic SW doing the assessment. The SW has deemed husband at this time as "low risk" towards our child. She has assessed me as protective. She also said she had never seen a more detailed and comprehensive safety plan and the fact I did it without asking was a major plus. I'm also lucky as I was put straight on a SS run protection course which I'm about 1/3 of the way though and have had great feedback from them. Hubby has done a lot already in terms of his recovery and really showed understanding and remorse in his meeting with the SW. In short both hubby and me have put in a LOT of work.... and it's paid off!!
We will be Child in Need plan (they did consider CPP but decided we were proactive and protective enough that it isn't needed at the moment!). They have also agreed hubby can stay living with us once baby is born!
I know I am so super lucky. But I wanted to give people hope that there are good social workers out there. And it absolutely is possible to get partners home.
we have another meeting in 6 weeks as normal which should still be before baby is here unless she is early! But our actions for that are just to check we are still engaging with our courses/counselling, that baby is still doing ok in uterus and that we have completed disclosure to our immediate family (hubby's dad still to do at the moment). So long as nothing goes wrong in the next 6 weeks then we can bring her home together. Even if they do some more of the police investigation by then (unlikely) the SW suggested if nothing alarming is found we would continue or continue with the plan but go to CPP for additional visits ect. So all very positive!
Oh I am SO happy for you! This is brilliant news!
I am praying that after our protective assessment is up in September that we might be somewhere near to this! X
I am praying that after our protective assessment is up in September that we might be somewhere near to this! X
Thank you so much! You have helped me so much too and I really really hope and keep everything crossed for you that you will have him home in no time!
Hi ScaredLamb,
First time posting here but I am feeling overwhelmed tonight with regards to whether I am making the right decision. My partner has been RUI, we are not correctly together but I am 11/12 weeks pregnant. I have booked a termination as I am not sure I could raise a child without my partner being around. I am totally scared that I will have to do this myself. Since the knock on the door, our families have been torn apart and my parents will not support my partner having anything to do with the baby, should I continue with the pregnancy. I do feel that the termination would be best as we are only early 20s and I planned to raise a child together. I am constantly being reminded that if I choose to continue with the pregnancy and partner in my life then I will lose everything else. How did you decide what to do?
Thanks,
First time posting here but I am feeling overwhelmed tonight with regards to whether I am making the right decision. My partner has been RUI, we are not correctly together but I am 11/12 weeks pregnant. I have booked a termination as I am not sure I could raise a child without my partner being around. I am totally scared that I will have to do this myself. Since the knock on the door, our families have been torn apart and my parents will not support my partner having anything to do with the baby, should I continue with the pregnancy. I do feel that the termination would be best as we are only early 20s and I planned to raise a child together. I am constantly being reminded that if I choose to continue with the pregnancy and partner in my life then I will lose everything else. How did you decide what to do?
Thanks,
Hi Orchid.
Im so sorry you have found yourself in this position. And it's totally crap because you don't have the right headspace or time to be able to make this decision - and it's a decision that will be with you for life no matter what.
I cannot tell you what to do. All I can say is I never once considered a termination for several reasons. One, I was basically "too late" into pregnancy anyway when we got the knock. I had gotten the gender and we are both completely in love already with my little girl to be. And finally, because I know in my heart of hearts that my husband will not ever hurt our baby.
A few things to consider. Are you likely to want to have a relationship with him? Regardless of what you do relationship wise he will have some parental rights in theory as long as he is on the birth certificate or fights for them - now courts and SS may support you in not allowing him to see baby if that is what you want or they will look to ensure visits are supervised at least at first. So, as much as you won't have your parents support if you continue you will have other support - but it might be worth talking to your parents a bit more to understand what their concerns and thought are.
For me, the second my husband came back home he told me everything. He has answered every question I had. He has, and continues to work really hard to ensure he can be there for our baby and will be a good dad (therapy, helplines, modules and courses). We have very good open communication and I have learnt a lot about safeguarding and addition so I can ensure she is always safe and I can recognise if my hubby is struggling with his addiction again. (He wasn't looking at pictures - he has an addiction to having people watch him masterbate and stupidly/ selfishly didn't care who that was and it ended up being police decoys when it was normally 50 year old women and he has been doing it since he was 12/13).
It is possible to have your partner, parents and child. But it will take a lot of work. And you need to be willing to put that in. Only you can make this decision.
Take care.
Im so sorry you have found yourself in this position. And it's totally crap because you don't have the right headspace or time to be able to make this decision - and it's a decision that will be with you for life no matter what.
I cannot tell you what to do. All I can say is I never once considered a termination for several reasons. One, I was basically "too late" into pregnancy anyway when we got the knock. I had gotten the gender and we are both completely in love already with my little girl to be. And finally, because I know in my heart of hearts that my husband will not ever hurt our baby.
A few things to consider. Are you likely to want to have a relationship with him? Regardless of what you do relationship wise he will have some parental rights in theory as long as he is on the birth certificate or fights for them - now courts and SS may support you in not allowing him to see baby if that is what you want or they will look to ensure visits are supervised at least at first. So, as much as you won't have your parents support if you continue you will have other support - but it might be worth talking to your parents a bit more to understand what their concerns and thought are.
For me, the second my husband came back home he told me everything. He has answered every question I had. He has, and continues to work really hard to ensure he can be there for our baby and will be a good dad (therapy, helplines, modules and courses). We have very good open communication and I have learnt a lot about safeguarding and addition so I can ensure she is always safe and I can recognise if my hubby is struggling with his addiction again. (He wasn't looking at pictures - he has an addiction to having people watch him masterbate and stupidly/ selfishly didn't care who that was and it ended up being police decoys when it was normally 50 year old women and he has been doing it since he was 12/13).
It is possible to have your partner, parents and child. But it will take a lot of work. And you need to be willing to put that in. Only you can make this decision.
Take care.
Hi ScaredLamb,
I am so pleased you've had a positive outcome with socail services. I'm glad they've recognised the importance of the father child bond and having your partner with you when you become a mummy and beyond with your newborn!
Can i asked what the protective course is that socail services have put you on? Also Well done on your detailed saftey plan. My safety plan got me the outcome i wanted too, it does seem from what I've seen on this forum that if you write your own it does have an impact on socail services decision making!
Best of luck with the next CIN and the birth of your baby! :) xxx
I am so pleased you've had a positive outcome with socail services. I'm glad they've recognised the importance of the father child bond and having your partner with you when you become a mummy and beyond with your newborn!
Can i asked what the protective course is that socail services have put you on? Also Well done on your detailed saftey plan. My safety plan got me the outcome i wanted too, it does seem from what I've seen on this forum that if you write your own it does have an impact on socail services decision making!
Best of luck with the next CIN and the birth of your baby! :) xxx
Hi Sad and Worried.
Thank you. I'm now being able to enjoy all the normal pregnancy worries instead of panicking about this! Not long to go now!
It's called Brighter Futures and it is run by a local charity called SERICC they are a sexual assault and rape specialist service. The lady that runs the course is a social worker but they are sort of seperate from actual social services. This is for south and west Essex. We are lucky that this exists in the area and lucky I could get on it so quick. It does feel like torture each week I go and they really beat me up a bit in my first few weeks to really "see if I get it". They even said they thought my husbands abuse as a child may have been his own fault - just to see what reaction they would get. (I personally think that was incredibly unethical especially with a pregnant lady!!). BUT, they are now my biggest advocates with social services and have even said that following my course they will work with me as advocates for meetings ect if I need them to. So I must be doing ok in their eyes!
thank you
Thank you. I'm now being able to enjoy all the normal pregnancy worries instead of panicking about this! Not long to go now!
It's called Brighter Futures and it is run by a local charity called SERICC they are a sexual assault and rape specialist service. The lady that runs the course is a social worker but they are sort of seperate from actual social services. This is for south and west Essex. We are lucky that this exists in the area and lucky I could get on it so quick. It does feel like torture each week I go and they really beat me up a bit in my first few weeks to really "see if I get it". They even said they thought my husbands abuse as a child may have been his own fault - just to see what reaction they would get. (I personally think that was incredibly unethical especially with a pregnant lady!!). BUT, they are now my biggest advocates with social services and have even said that following my course they will work with me as advocates for meetings ect if I need them to. So I must be doing ok in their eyes!
thank you