Poor treatment from police - is this normal?
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Hi baffled.
That sounds terrible and unfortunately you are not the only one with a similar story. I wasn't there for my partner's knock. Police should be more impartial, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?
It does happen that they get the wrong person or that the offending was a one off (still bad ofc but I feel some think they will find more when it isn't always the case).
It is up to you but I would make a complaint. You are a victim yourself but not all forces have this in real consideration. Sounds like these police officers haven't had much awareness training on such matters. Offenders are very good at hiding what they are up to. Please do not blame yourself and think how did you miss it.
The investigation process can take a long while, typically more than a year. Make sure you are looking after yourself and seek help from your GP, if you wish
That sounds terrible and unfortunately you are not the only one with a similar story. I wasn't there for my partner's knock. Police should be more impartial, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?
It does happen that they get the wrong person or that the offending was a one off (still bad ofc but I feel some think they will find more when it isn't always the case).
It is up to you but I would make a complaint. You are a victim yourself but not all forces have this in real consideration. Sounds like these police officers haven't had much awareness training on such matters. Offenders are very good at hiding what they are up to. Please do not blame yourself and think how did you miss it.
The investigation process can take a long while, typically more than a year. Make sure you are looking after yourself and seek help from your GP, if you wish
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SmileThroughTears,
That is shocking and disgusting! How can they make these assumptions and be so awful to the families and partners? They can clearly see how upsetting it is at the time of arrest and it's almost like they get a kick out of it. How can we expect human decency from them when more than 50% of officers actually found guilty of sexual assault are allowed to keep their jobs? I really wanted to scream at one of the officers when he was severely trash talking my partner and tell him he's that obsessed it appears he's trying to deflect his own wrongdoings whatever they may be but I kept my thoughts to myself.
The way they treat people will come back to them one day, whether that be within the job or served as karma. One way or another. You don't get to treat people like dirt and live a happy life.
That is shocking and disgusting! How can they make these assumptions and be so awful to the families and partners? They can clearly see how upsetting it is at the time of arrest and it's almost like they get a kick out of it. How can we expect human decency from them when more than 50% of officers actually found guilty of sexual assault are allowed to keep their jobs? I really wanted to scream at one of the officers when he was severely trash talking my partner and tell him he's that obsessed it appears he's trying to deflect his own wrongdoings whatever they may be but I kept my thoughts to myself.
The way they treat people will come back to them one day, whether that be within the job or served as karma. One way or another. You don't get to treat people like dirt and live a happy life.
Hi BaffledB,
Have you put a complaint forward? Personally, I would do this regardless of the outcome with your partner. How you've been treated on the day of the knock is absolutely disgusting and this needs to be brought to their attention.
I also wanted to say that I am part of another support group and there are partners/family members who are working together to educate the police on how to behave and what to say etc. These situations are unbelievably difficultand stigmatising so do not need to be made worse with judgmental comments and by the sounds of it - blatent racism. Please do not think you are alone in your experience, your voice should be heard.
X
Have you put a complaint forward? Personally, I would do this regardless of the outcome with your partner. How you've been treated on the day of the knock is absolutely disgusting and this needs to be brought to their attention.
I also wanted to say that I am part of another support group and there are partners/family members who are working together to educate the police on how to behave and what to say etc. These situations are unbelievably difficultand stigmatising so do not need to be made worse with judgmental comments and by the sounds of it - blatent racism. Please do not think you are alone in your experience, your voice should be heard.
X
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Ladies
I can understand why you don't want to make a complaint but bullying, because that is what it is, thrives when folks don't call it out into the light. We live in Scotland and the Police Scotland website published its standard operating procedure for the initial "knock" process and the subsequent investigation. It is very detailed and, speaking with my husband about what happened during the period before I was requested to come home, I am reassured about police conduct. Certainly when they spoke with me they were polite and informative. One of the same police officers came back to arrest my husband seven months on. It was a discreet process and again police were polite and informative.
Despite our more positive experiences I still panic when the doorbell rings unexpectedly, still feel violated by the thought of four grown men rummaging through my laundry basket and diaries, still feel humiliated by being asked about my husband's porn habit. I can't imagine the state I would be in if your experiences had also been mine. Such behaviour is unacceptable and wrong. I hope you find the strength to challenge what happened - the support group doing educational work sounds brilliant. This whole process disempowers families and punishes us for something not of our doing and we don't need or deserve to be disrespected and bullied on top of that.
I can understand why you don't want to make a complaint but bullying, because that is what it is, thrives when folks don't call it out into the light. We live in Scotland and the Police Scotland website published its standard operating procedure for the initial "knock" process and the subsequent investigation. It is very detailed and, speaking with my husband about what happened during the period before I was requested to come home, I am reassured about police conduct. Certainly when they spoke with me they were polite and informative. One of the same police officers came back to arrest my husband seven months on. It was a discreet process and again police were polite and informative.
Despite our more positive experiences I still panic when the doorbell rings unexpectedly, still feel violated by the thought of four grown men rummaging through my laundry basket and diaries, still feel humiliated by being asked about my husband's porn habit. I can't imagine the state I would be in if your experiences had also been mine. Such behaviour is unacceptable and wrong. I hope you find the strength to challenge what happened - the support group doing educational work sounds brilliant. This whole process disempowers families and punishes us for something not of our doing and we don't need or deserve to be disrespected and bullied on top of that.
Judith - My goodness that must have been hell.... when our house was searched I said it felt like our home and life were being raped.....
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