How is everyone doing.
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hi all,
i just thought about people who haven’t posted for a while. I hope you Re all okay and life is treating you well. Is it because the new forum changes or are people getting on with their lives and have moved on since the dreaded knock.
I am feeling more proactive in myself but some days i am simply exhausted and annoyed at how much my ex occupies my brain space. But I have things to look forward to, such I have booked a holiday in June for me and my mum and daughter mainly to say thank you for her support over the last few months.
i really wish I could have tea and cake with you all. This forum is keeping me sane in an surreal situation. But in some ways I know I will be stronger for it! ( in hope so anyway)!
i just thought about people who haven’t posted for a while. I hope you Re all okay and life is treating you well. Is it because the new forum changes or are people getting on with their lives and have moved on since the dreaded knock.
I am feeling more proactive in myself but some days i am simply exhausted and annoyed at how much my ex occupies my brain space. But I have things to look forward to, such I have booked a holiday in June for me and my mum and daughter mainly to say thank you for her support over the last few months.
i really wish I could have tea and cake with you all. This forum is keeping me sane in an surreal situation. But in some ways I know I will be stronger for it! ( in hope so anyway)!
Hi Bethlou, I posted a bit yesterday and today. I am reading the posts every day and still log on to this forum at least two times a day. I stopped posting for a bit as I was going through the child protection process and that took all my energy.
i am getting seriously spooked reading about other people’s partners’ sentences at court. My partner not been charged still. With the sentences so harsh anyway, it seems there is little point pleading guilty unless it is a cut and dry case. I have been reading about the calamity of being on the SOR and how that is another sentence on top of the actual sentence. It seems like punishment after punishment - and then social services on top which doesn’t even need a sentence or a charge to think partners are a risk. Some of this seems crazy. Yet I darent say any of this to anyone in case I seem like I condone looking at indecent images.
i am getting seriously spooked reading about other people’s partners’ sentences at court. My partner not been charged still. With the sentences so harsh anyway, it seems there is little point pleading guilty unless it is a cut and dry case. I have been reading about the calamity of being on the SOR and how that is another sentence on top of the actual sentence. It seems like punishment after punishment - and then social services on top which doesn’t even need a sentence or a charge to think partners are a risk. Some of this seems crazy. Yet I darent say any of this to anyone in case I seem like I condone looking at indecent images.
Hi Bethlou23
I don't think I've posted quite so much because of the new look, I'm still finding it quite confusing and I'm sure I'm missing loads!!
I'm feeling quite in control at the moment, famous last words I know!!! Just waiting for my ex's sentencing in March then our divorce, I feel then I can finally move forward. I know this isn't going to happen overnight and I'm still going to have times when I get overwhelmed.
Glad you are moving on a little and the holiday will do you the world of good, I've got one booked for early May with a friend and just can't wait.
I agree about meeting up, I'd love to meet you so we could support in person. Perhaps instead of giving addresses we should say a date time and place to meet then people can go if they want, I don't know, perhaps that's a simplistic and silly thing to suggest.
Anyway take care, love and hugs xx
I don't think I've posted quite so much because of the new look, I'm still finding it quite confusing and I'm sure I'm missing loads!!
I'm feeling quite in control at the moment, famous last words I know!!! Just waiting for my ex's sentencing in March then our divorce, I feel then I can finally move forward. I know this isn't going to happen overnight and I'm still going to have times when I get overwhelmed.
Glad you are moving on a little and the holiday will do you the world of good, I've got one booked for early May with a friend and just can't wait.
I agree about meeting up, I'd love to meet you so we could support in person. Perhaps instead of giving addresses we should say a date time and place to meet then people can go if they want, I don't know, perhaps that's a simplistic and silly thing to suggest.
Anyway take care, love and hugs xx
Hi Big Sigh
Please don't feel anyone is going to judge you on hear, that isn't what this forum is about, we're just hear to support.
We all have different thoughts about our partners/husband's, some people will be able to try and move on with each other, other people like me just can't do that for all sorts of different reasons. Doesn't mean anyone is wrong just different opinions and we can still offer support. Shane our government can't do the same :()))
Take care, lots of love xx
Please don't feel anyone is going to judge you on hear, that isn't what this forum is about, we're just hear to support.
We all have different thoughts about our partners/husband's, some people will be able to try and move on with each other, other people like me just can't do that for all sorts of different reasons. Doesn't mean anyone is wrong just different opinions and we can still offer support. Shane our government can't do the same :()))
Take care, lots of love xx
Hi all,
I’ve been on holiday for the last 2 and a bit weeks just about to head home this morning. I’ve been checking in and keeping up to date on what’s been posted most days.
I’m feeling alright at the moment, other half is due to go go back to police mid March but unlikely as doubt his devices will be checked by then so again I think we will have extended bail.
Hopefully they will have completed checks of his work stuff and he can go back to work too as sitting around the house is doing nothing for his mindset although he seems a lot more stable than he has previously which is good and counselling starts on Monday for him.
I’ve been on holiday for the last 2 and a bit weeks just about to head home this morning. I’ve been checking in and keeping up to date on what’s been posted most days.
I’m feeling alright at the moment, other half is due to go go back to police mid March but unlikely as doubt his devices will be checked by then so again I think we will have extended bail.
Hopefully they will have completed checks of his work stuff and he can go back to work too as sitting around the house is doing nothing for his mindset although he seems a lot more stable than he has previously which is good and counselling starts on Monday for him.
Bethlou, how nice that you think of others in this way. I’m doing ok but reading some posts on this sight are so sad, takes me right back. My husband had the right outcome at court, the case was dismissed before going to trial, we were fortunate to have found a great legal team and forensic computer examiner. The police see it as ‘getting off’ I prefer to see it the right way and that justice was done. It should never have got to court in the first place. However the ramifications for both of us were horrendous but it could have been so much worse.
i too would love to meet up in person with you all. I’m not sure how LF would feel about that though? If someone posted a time/date/location for a meet up or if LF could facilitate it in any way? I’d certainly pay to contribute to a venue for any meeting if it was possible?
i too would love to meet up in person with you all. I’m not sure how LF would feel about that though? If someone posted a time/date/location for a meet up or if LF could facilitate it in any way? I’d certainly pay to contribute to a venue for any meeting if it was possible?
Aaaaaggghhhh and my phone constantly changes site to ‘sight’....autocorrect is a pain!
I still check in most days and post fairly often. Im not having a good week this week, i feel a bit like we are almost back at the beginning emotionally. Everyone seems pleased court is over but i just feel sad. I will get my positive attitude and determination back im sure but right now I just feel overwhelmed, stressed and anxious. People keep saying now court is over you can move on, they dont understand it doesnt really work like that especially when you have children. So for me it's fingers crossed for a better day today, hoping no one noticed the article in the paper, social services are still ok and keep things progressing, and that i dont have a breakdown. The forum is so important, no one else can understand how this all feels unless you have been there and its so nice to have support from others and give support to others in similar situations.
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Hi
My husband is being sentenced next month and I just wonder what the difference is between a community order and community service?
Did any of your partner's/ex partners get suspended sentence?
The judge told my husband to expect all eventualities and spoke of the 'seriousness' of his offences
Tea and cake would go down well at the moment xx
My husband is being sentenced next month and I just wonder what the difference is between a community order and community service?
Did any of your partner's/ex partners get suspended sentence?
The judge told my husband to expect all eventualities and spoke of the 'seriousness' of his offences
Tea and cake would go down well at the moment xx
Hi Tracey
not sure about the difference - I think community service is what you do when you are on a community order. I think the order can also include attendance on courses such as sex offenders courses. Others may be more knowledgable on this than me as not there yet. What was he found guilty of/ pleaded guilty to?
not sure about the difference - I think community service is what you do when you are on a community order. I think the order can also include attendance on courses such as sex offenders courses. Others may be more knowledgable on this than me as not there yet. What was he found guilty of/ pleaded guilty to?
From what I have read community order and suspended are very simialr but with 2 major differences that I can see.
community order is considered spent 1 year after completed where as suspended are a lot longer after completed
othee difference is that is re offend on suspended then you go to prison.
i’m hoping my husband gets a community order even if 3 years as will mean will be spent and non declarable after 4 years for jobs etc
community order is considered spent 1 year after completed where as suspended are a lot longer after completed
othee difference is that is re offend on suspended then you go to prison.
i’m hoping my husband gets a community order even if 3 years as will mean will be spent and non declarable after 4 years for jobs etc
Hi Big sigh
My ex pleaded guilty to downloading Cat A and Cat B images plus Cat A videos, there were also animals in the mix and one of the 5 counts was pain and distress caused to the children which means they were young!!
All pretty horrible, mind blowing stuff and I do keep asking myself why anyone would want to look at that rubbish. Those poor children
He's also never shown any remorse and is still blaming everything and everyone else even though he's finally gone guilty!
Xx
My ex pleaded guilty to downloading Cat A and Cat B images plus Cat A videos, there were also animals in the mix and one of the 5 counts was pain and distress caused to the children which means they were young!!
All pretty horrible, mind blowing stuff and I do keep asking myself why anyone would want to look at that rubbish. Those poor children
He's also never shown any remorse and is still blaming everything and everyone else even though he's finally gone guilty!
Xx
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Hi all. Thanks everyone for posting an update, it feels like our community is growing again, after the initial issues with the forum. But I do still miss certain posts.
tracey your husband sounds a lot like mine, he doesn’t really get what all the fuss is about and not yet ready to acknowledge or accept his part in looking up and accessing those horrible images. I am moving on mentally from him now but still feel a se as if loss as we were married and were sharing our lives so he has shaken the trust. I do admire the men who can use this as an opportunity to seek the truth about themselves.
if you have court coming up please let us know if you want to offload.
I am so happy to see more people are reaching out. When my ex husband was arrested it completely floored me. I need this forum at the moment. While I love my friends and relatives but I just can’t brinv myself to tell them everything that has been going on yet. This forum has been a lifesaver. I am still taking it one day at a time xxx
tracey your husband sounds a lot like mine, he doesn’t really get what all the fuss is about and not yet ready to acknowledge or accept his part in looking up and accessing those horrible images. I am moving on mentally from him now but still feel a se as if loss as we were married and were sharing our lives so he has shaken the trust. I do admire the men who can use this as an opportunity to seek the truth about themselves.
if you have court coming up please let us know if you want to offload.
I am so happy to see more people are reaching out. When my ex husband was arrested it completely floored me. I need this forum at the moment. While I love my friends and relatives but I just can’t brinv myself to tell them everything that has been going on yet. This forum has been a lifesaver. I am still taking it one day at a time xxx
You know what’s also annoying is that the police take all our equipment. I have to use the forum on my phone and due to the layout I can’t read my posts as I type. So I apologise about the poor grammar!
Morning everyone. I check in lots, but haven't posted, partly to do with change of the format, and partly because I don't think I have much to contribute in a way that will help.
To remind you of my situation, my partner was arrested last June for downloading indecent images (just weeks before we were due to be married after 15 years together) and has yet to be charged. Forensics on his computer wont even start until this June. We have split up and he has moved out. But I still see him occasionally for a coffee because he has no one else, and his grown up kids and family have stopped contact. So although I don't feel the same about him, I still care greatly about him. I believe that this awful secret behaviour began when he said it did about two years ago which was he gave up alcohol. But I will never understand what made him do it. Even he says he doesn't know.
So, anyway, I'm living on my own for the first time in many years. And am doing okay, although finances are a worry, and I do sometimes feel lonely. I love the idea of meeting up somehow with those of you I have followed over the months.
Thank you all
Lots of love
Paula
To remind you of my situation, my partner was arrested last June for downloading indecent images (just weeks before we were due to be married after 15 years together) and has yet to be charged. Forensics on his computer wont even start until this June. We have split up and he has moved out. But I still see him occasionally for a coffee because he has no one else, and his grown up kids and family have stopped contact. So although I don't feel the same about him, I still care greatly about him. I believe that this awful secret behaviour began when he said it did about two years ago which was he gave up alcohol. But I will never understand what made him do it. Even he says he doesn't know.
So, anyway, I'm living on my own for the first time in many years. And am doing okay, although finances are a worry, and I do sometimes feel lonely. I love the idea of meeting up somehow with those of you I have followed over the months.
Thank you all
Lots of love
Paula
Hi Paula. It’s so lovely to hear from you.
I am also living by myself after the knock. It’s very strange but i realised I can enjoy my own company. I feel okay as my mum is around the corner which helps me feel less lonely. I don’t really want to trouble my friends as they just don’t know what’s going on and I can’t keep lying to them.
wow June. That’s a lot of limbo for you. I can’t believe it takes that long. I am finding two months frustrating. I don’t think that my husband really knows why he did it, I am not sure if it’s early childhood trauma, depression or if he had a weird sexual feeling towards children that he was too ashamed to deal with and it led him down a very dark path. So in this way I do feel for him, no one would choose to have all that going on in their heads. The good thing about stop it now is that the men are not the only ones to go through this, though it’s up to them to reach for help.
i still see my husband once a week to supervise contact. The romantic feelings have left me but I do still feel for him. He is a lost little boy. This has broken him and I just can’t say anything to make it better. So don’t feel bad for meeting him for coffee we need some answers too and it’s very hard to turn off those feelings of caring for a person you shared so much of your life with.
i can’t imagine how stressful it was when you thought you were going to get married but it’s got to be good you don’t need to negotiate the expensive divorce process.
its genuinely so nice to hear from you ( the forum does need some fixing) Xxx
I am also living by myself after the knock. It’s very strange but i realised I can enjoy my own company. I feel okay as my mum is around the corner which helps me feel less lonely. I don’t really want to trouble my friends as they just don’t know what’s going on and I can’t keep lying to them.
wow June. That’s a lot of limbo for you. I can’t believe it takes that long. I am finding two months frustrating. I don’t think that my husband really knows why he did it, I am not sure if it’s early childhood trauma, depression or if he had a weird sexual feeling towards children that he was too ashamed to deal with and it led him down a very dark path. So in this way I do feel for him, no one would choose to have all that going on in their heads. The good thing about stop it now is that the men are not the only ones to go through this, though it’s up to them to reach for help.
i still see my husband once a week to supervise contact. The romantic feelings have left me but I do still feel for him. He is a lost little boy. This has broken him and I just can’t say anything to make it better. So don’t feel bad for meeting him for coffee we need some answers too and it’s very hard to turn off those feelings of caring for a person you shared so much of your life with.
i can’t imagine how stressful it was when you thought you were going to get married but it’s got to be good you don’t need to negotiate the expensive divorce process.
its genuinely so nice to hear from you ( the forum does need some fixing) Xxx
Bethlou thank you so much for your reply. I makes me realise I am not alone.
What an amazing group of women on this forum. Thank you so much for always being here.
Paula
xx
What an amazing group of women on this forum. Thank you so much for always being here.
Paula
xx
Bethlou thank you so much for your reply. I makes me realise I am not alone.
What an amazing group of women on this forum. Thank you so much for always being here.
Paula
xx
What an amazing group of women on this forum. Thank you so much for always being here.
Paula
xx