Struggling to be 'normal'
Notifications OFF
So we are 5 months in since the 'knock' but only 4 weeks since my husband confessed to sending messages. Prior to this I was convinced he was innocent, as I stupidly believed he wouldn't lie to me as he had no where to hide, life was almost bearable in the fact we were just waiting for a letter to say charges have been dropped and there was no way on this earth my husband of 28 years would do such an awful thing.
However, since finding out the truth I have found it so very hard to show any affection towards him, and being intimate with him repulses me. I am having a constant battle in my head, thinking that at the moment I just feel we are house sharing friends and nothing else. If this is what my life is going to be like then I'm not sure if it would be kinder on both of us to seperate.
Anyone else feeling like this, and if so have you moved past these feelings?
Thanks in advance xx
However, since finding out the truth I have found it so very hard to show any affection towards him, and being intimate with him repulses me. I am having a constant battle in my head, thinking that at the moment I just feel we are house sharing friends and nothing else. If this is what my life is going to be like then I'm not sure if it would be kinder on both of us to seperate.
Anyone else feeling like this, and if so have you moved past these feelings?
Thanks in advance xx
Hi
sorry you feel like this. We are coming up to 9 months since the knock and I used to care and worry about how it was effecting him. Since then recently I've learnt that during the investigation some things have come up about my daughter and they are worried about my daughters well being. My daughter is old enough to know and knows all about the investigation has from from day one and has been questioned by the police but doesn't know anything. I'm thankful that she doesn't which to me meant me and my ex could work through it. However I've watched my daughter while she's been sleeping and it's made me realise I didnt really know this man I'd been with for 8 years nor will I trust him again. I've also stopped feeling sorry for him because no one is feeling sorry for me and the tough ride I'm getting from SS because of him. So I still talk to him via text sometimes ring him when I'm having a bad day at work but whatever happens in the future I know he's not the man I fell in love with nor the one I knew before the knock.
I wish you lots of luck and hope it all works out for you x
sorry you feel like this. We are coming up to 9 months since the knock and I used to care and worry about how it was effecting him. Since then recently I've learnt that during the investigation some things have come up about my daughter and they are worried about my daughters well being. My daughter is old enough to know and knows all about the investigation has from from day one and has been questioned by the police but doesn't know anything. I'm thankful that she doesn't which to me meant me and my ex could work through it. However I've watched my daughter while she's been sleeping and it's made me realise I didnt really know this man I'd been with for 8 years nor will I trust him again. I've also stopped feeling sorry for him because no one is feeling sorry for me and the tough ride I'm getting from SS because of him. So I still talk to him via text sometimes ring him when I'm having a bad day at work but whatever happens in the future I know he's not the man I fell in love with nor the one I knew before the knock.
I wish you lots of luck and hope it all works out for you x
Thanks for your reply Rusty. That is the thing that scares me the most.... He is acting really normal and almost pretending things are fine but I just can't get over that 1. He's done this and 2.he bare faced lied to me for over 16 weeks.
I'm hoping I can come to some sort of peace throughout this ordeal but I feel I am a long way of that at the moment.
I'm hoping I can come to some sort of peace throughout this ordeal but I feel I am a long way of that at the moment.
MW I feel really similar to you. We have our 2 young children living with us so we are functioning as normal as possible for their sake. I am more relaxed when he is out at work etc....... it's a constant reminder of what he has done while he is here. He is getting therapy and doing everything around the house possible to make it up to me but unfortunately it's too little too late. We have talked and he really wants to work at it. He seems to think I should be able to move past this and with couples counselling we'll be fine........ but I won't be! I have some clue of how my life will turned upside down with ss and their input and this is all because of him.
Im trying not to make any rash decisions but like you this is torture and I sometimes think it would be kinder to separate
Im trying not to make any rash decisions but like you this is torture and I sometimes think it would be kinder to separate
Starry, I hear what you are saying and totally agree. Thankfully my children are grown up and do not live with us. We have decided not to tell them until we have an outcome, so I have no support. I love my husband dearly but just can't process his lies and deceit, he swears he will never do anything like this again but how will I know if I couldn't spot what he was upto in the first place!
This is by far the most horrendous, heartbreaking and soul destroying time of my life and I feel it has changed who I am. Things will never be the same again.
I hope you can get some clarity and maybe work on your relationship or move on with your children. It must be so much worse when small children are involved.
Sending big hugs and tonnes or love and strength your way xx
This is by far the most horrendous, heartbreaking and soul destroying time of my life and I feel it has changed who I am. Things will never be the same again.
I hope you can get some clarity and maybe work on your relationship or move on with your children. It must be so much worse when small children are involved.
Sending big hugs and tonnes or love and strength your way xx