Fought was all over
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1st of all i want to say thank you for everyone in this group, you are all amazing and have helped me a lot!! but only now i have the courage to speak out. my whole life changed on the 26.09.19 when we had the famous knock!! since then has been battles over battles. i've read so many stories here and some a very similar to ours.
my husband was arrested and taken in for interrogation the allegations: sexual communication with a 12 y old. at the police station he was shown a snip of the conversation, and during all that he kept saying he never thought it was someone under age, and that he thought it was one of those hunters but police never believed him!! ss was actioned as we have our girls - my oldest has an ehcp plan at school, so a safety plan was put in place and at their eyes i was keeping my girls safe from what they was describing to be a monster!! never thought the man i've been together since 2007 was capable to do something like this. i felt numb, crushed and betrayed! after ss assessment that day he told me everything, i mean everything, all the demons he was fighting and i couldn't believe i didn't see all this!! he has never been a man to show emotions (his parents are the same!) so for him i think was easy to hide! i was shocked didn't knew what to think or let alone to say! after a month on safety plan our case was closed by SS
fast forward we hit feb 2021 he been called to the police and charges were made, the communication as well as making iioc of 19 images - 9a 3b 7c - he was caught by surprise these were even on his phone, even the police officer seen he was surprised about the
SS was actioned again but again there were no concerns so they closed out case in april 202
april 2021 he was seen at the magistrate, where he met this solicitor we never heard of the last 2 years and that apparently was there to defend him!! my husband said he sounded quite good, and advised him to do not enter plea. before the hearing the solicitor said to my husband that there was a lack of evidence, and the images were downloaded as a package and delete again within a couple of minutes and no one said if these images were even opened/viewed or where they came from. he also went and told my husband that the snip of conversation was a decoy and it was slightly dubious as seemed this decoy was encouraging, but then again there were no request from my husband, or intention to meet or do anything else the phrase was purely a comment - sexualised humour.
may 2021 my husband went to crown court, his barrister then said to him to plea guilty, because he was looking for at least 2 years custodial sentence, painted a very dark and worse case scenario and made us believe that was that, something completely different from the magistrate court! court then decided they wanted a pre sentencing report. he left court as a guilty man and had 3 days to sign the sor, so he was convincted without a sentence.
June 2021 SS contacted us as now he was convincted but no sentenced, she came round and it was literally 5-10 min conversation and inspection of the house, she was happy with all and said ou case was more likely looking to close the case as there were no concerns!
july 2021 the horrendous day came his sentence day!! after the phone meeting with his pre sentence po all seemed ok, how wrong were we!
pre sentence po on report flagged all low to medium, though they wanted it to be higher!! they put the information in to the computer which sets the predicter and she wanted some to be higher risk. the report also went on to recommend a community order rather than prison as there was a very strong chance of rehabilitation, confused much!?
in the end he was served with 10 months suspended for 2 years and 10y on SOR and SHPO.
PPO came before sentence and seemed ok, we raised our concerns and she explained quite a lot in relation the whole situation.
After sentence SS rang my husband mistaking him from another person with same name and giving some of his details and what this person was going through. To then realise and say to him she needed to speak with him as well. On the phone call she asked my number - which was changed back in August 2020 and all the professionals had hold off. She emailed me before speaking to my him! My husband without noticing gave my old number as he's not allowed to delete nothing it remained there.
I have no idea what happened between the 1st July to the 20th July - when at almost 5pm I received a phone call from her (SS) stating that due to new information given by his PO he had to leave the house as he was classed as a mediim/high risk including his children!
My husband questioned his PO on the new information and was told that there were no new assessments only the sentence report and action plan!! This is where we found out by PO, PPO and SS once sentenced no matter what, you already classed as medium/high by default. And what ever you done before sentence to the SS and PPO counts for nothing and his rehabilitation starts once sentenced!!
Now SS is on top of me as on her assessment she judge me, and discriminated, stating that I am been manipulated by my husband, and somehow he managed to manipulate professionals, that I am putting him above my kids and the worse of all that he has groomed me, and all she can see is that we are minimisin his conviction!! Where we were purely asking what we fought was normal questions, as again we never been in this situation and that there has never been any concerns over the last 2 years! They cannot give us examples of what actually they've been saying! Just repeating that he has been sentenced now.
We spent so much money for him stay at hotels, our funds got so limited he slept in the car yesterday and will do again today!! council doesn't class him as high priority as he is on the tenancy agreement there's never been previous concerns we even followed the robust safety plan since 2019 even if our cases were always closed by SS!
He has been told he can't sleep at home but can come see and stay with kids aslong I supervise him!
we've been so naive in all this my husband seeked help with gp, and lff which he then paid and enrolled himself to the course without been promped by any professionals - unfortunately this has not been completed yet as the pandemic!! he had a chance to complete the course online but he outlined to everyone he did prefer a face to face meetings as it was more helpful, he didn't wanted to complete it just for the sake of it.
It completely baffles me and we don't know what else to do. They said they there to help but no one answer their phones or text back.
We have no idea how can the situation instead of gettin slightly better flipped to complete opposite!!
Sorry for the long long text but I needed to get out my chest for sanity purposes!! Just to see if I am the crazy one!!
my husband was arrested and taken in for interrogation the allegations: sexual communication with a 12 y old. at the police station he was shown a snip of the conversation, and during all that he kept saying he never thought it was someone under age, and that he thought it was one of those hunters but police never believed him!! ss was actioned as we have our girls - my oldest has an ehcp plan at school, so a safety plan was put in place and at their eyes i was keeping my girls safe from what they was describing to be a monster!! never thought the man i've been together since 2007 was capable to do something like this. i felt numb, crushed and betrayed! after ss assessment that day he told me everything, i mean everything, all the demons he was fighting and i couldn't believe i didn't see all this!! he has never been a man to show emotions (his parents are the same!) so for him i think was easy to hide! i was shocked didn't knew what to think or let alone to say! after a month on safety plan our case was closed by SS
fast forward we hit feb 2021 he been called to the police and charges were made, the communication as well as making iioc of 19 images - 9a 3b 7c - he was caught by surprise these were even on his phone, even the police officer seen he was surprised about the
SS was actioned again but again there were no concerns so they closed out case in april 202
april 2021 he was seen at the magistrate, where he met this solicitor we never heard of the last 2 years and that apparently was there to defend him!! my husband said he sounded quite good, and advised him to do not enter plea. before the hearing the solicitor said to my husband that there was a lack of evidence, and the images were downloaded as a package and delete again within a couple of minutes and no one said if these images were even opened/viewed or where they came from. he also went and told my husband that the snip of conversation was a decoy and it was slightly dubious as seemed this decoy was encouraging, but then again there were no request from my husband, or intention to meet or do anything else the phrase was purely a comment - sexualised humour.
may 2021 my husband went to crown court, his barrister then said to him to plea guilty, because he was looking for at least 2 years custodial sentence, painted a very dark and worse case scenario and made us believe that was that, something completely different from the magistrate court! court then decided they wanted a pre sentencing report. he left court as a guilty man and had 3 days to sign the sor, so he was convincted without a sentence.
June 2021 SS contacted us as now he was convincted but no sentenced, she came round and it was literally 5-10 min conversation and inspection of the house, she was happy with all and said ou case was more likely looking to close the case as there were no concerns!
july 2021 the horrendous day came his sentence day!! after the phone meeting with his pre sentence po all seemed ok, how wrong were we!
pre sentence po on report flagged all low to medium, though they wanted it to be higher!! they put the information in to the computer which sets the predicter and she wanted some to be higher risk. the report also went on to recommend a community order rather than prison as there was a very strong chance of rehabilitation, confused much!?
in the end he was served with 10 months suspended for 2 years and 10y on SOR and SHPO.
PPO came before sentence and seemed ok, we raised our concerns and she explained quite a lot in relation the whole situation.
After sentence SS rang my husband mistaking him from another person with same name and giving some of his details and what this person was going through. To then realise and say to him she needed to speak with him as well. On the phone call she asked my number - which was changed back in August 2020 and all the professionals had hold off. She emailed me before speaking to my him! My husband without noticing gave my old number as he's not allowed to delete nothing it remained there.
I have no idea what happened between the 1st July to the 20th July - when at almost 5pm I received a phone call from her (SS) stating that due to new information given by his PO he had to leave the house as he was classed as a mediim/high risk including his children!
My husband questioned his PO on the new information and was told that there were no new assessments only the sentence report and action plan!! This is where we found out by PO, PPO and SS once sentenced no matter what, you already classed as medium/high by default. And what ever you done before sentence to the SS and PPO counts for nothing and his rehabilitation starts once sentenced!!
Now SS is on top of me as on her assessment she judge me, and discriminated, stating that I am been manipulated by my husband, and somehow he managed to manipulate professionals, that I am putting him above my kids and the worse of all that he has groomed me, and all she can see is that we are minimisin his conviction!! Where we were purely asking what we fought was normal questions, as again we never been in this situation and that there has never been any concerns over the last 2 years! They cannot give us examples of what actually they've been saying! Just repeating that he has been sentenced now.
We spent so much money for him stay at hotels, our funds got so limited he slept in the car yesterday and will do again today!! council doesn't class him as high priority as he is on the tenancy agreement there's never been previous concerns we even followed the robust safety plan since 2019 even if our cases were always closed by SS!
He has been told he can't sleep at home but can come see and stay with kids aslong I supervise him!
we've been so naive in all this my husband seeked help with gp, and lff which he then paid and enrolled himself to the course without been promped by any professionals - unfortunately this has not been completed yet as the pandemic!! he had a chance to complete the course online but he outlined to everyone he did prefer a face to face meetings as it was more helpful, he didn't wanted to complete it just for the sake of it.
It completely baffles me and we don't know what else to do. They said they there to help but no one answer their phones or text back.
We have no idea how can the situation instead of gettin slightly better flipped to complete opposite!!
Sorry for the long long text but I needed to get out my chest for sanity purposes!! Just to see if I am the crazy one!!
Dear l1988,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations, so well done for doing so. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation will reply soon with some support.
It is evident that you are finding the current situation hard, with this in mind I suggest that, you take some time to look after yourself. This could be simple self-care activities such as going on a walk or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. Since your situation is complex, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop It Now! helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide tailored guidance and support. Our helpline advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations, so well done for doing so. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation will reply soon with some support.
It is evident that you are finding the current situation hard, with this in mind I suggest that, you take some time to look after yourself. This could be simple self-care activities such as going on a walk or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. Since your situation is complex, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop It Now! helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide tailored guidance and support. Our helpline advisors deal with similar concerns to yours every day, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Hi,
I am so sorry u r going through this rough time it is so hard with ss, I'm not very knowledgeable I'm sorry but I am always here if u need to chat xx
I am so sorry u r going through this rough time it is so hard with ss, I'm not very knowledgeable I'm sorry but I am always here if u need to chat xx