Looking for some kind words
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Hi everyone,
I can't believe I am here and posting this to be honest. I just don't know where else to turn and who to talk to about this, so I hope this is ok for me to post here.
I met my ex boyfriend in 2014. He was super charming, and I fell for him very quickly. Things moved very fast at the start of our relationship. We started looking for a house to rent together within a couple of months. When I found a house that I really liked, I put a deposit down on it to secure it. Well it was at this point when my boyfriend was hysterically upset. When I got home from work one day (he was staying at my parent's house with me at that point), he was sobbing uncontrollably and said he had to tell me something. He told me that a few years back, he had been convicted of being in possession of a laptop with child pornography. Now my first instant was to run of course! But he went on to tell me that he had bought the laptop from a guy on Gumtree quite a while before his conviction, and that he couldn't prove to the police who the guy was. Now at the time, I believed him because of his reaction when he was telling me the story. I'm not a gullible person, but I do try to see the good in people (at least I did!), and I did believe what he told me.
We went out for 2 years in total, and during our entire relationship, there were absolutely no red flags that would have made me doubt his story. Nothing ever happened that would make me think he would do a thing like that. The relationship was a toxic one - he cheated on me constantly, got a girl pregnant whilst we were going out (which I didn't discover until after we split), and in the end when I had had enough and was leaving him, he turned violent.
I left him in 2016.
Fast forward to today. I am a much stronger person than I was when we were together. I don't take crap from anyone anymore! I know how I should be treated, and I won't settle for anything less than that. I was recently contacted by the police about him. I obviously won't go into detail about that, as it's ongoing, but I don't believe it's anything to do with his previous conviction. I helped the police out by contacting a couple of his ex girlfriends, whom I knew of, but the police didn't. One of the girls I contacted has been in touch with another one of his exes (from 2018), who had a rather horrible experience with him, but split with him before anything happened. She sent me a message today (that I did not ask for!), telling me that she left after he asked her to "pretend to be an 11 year old girl. That he would play the dad, and to pretend like mum is next door whilst he is having sex with her".
Seeing these things just made me sick to my stomach today. He had a daughter who would have been 11 at the time - he doesn't see her of course - and the thought of him saying that to someone, after knowing about his previous conviction...I just can't put into words how I am feeling right now. I know I'm not to blame for him, and I know there was nothing to put doubt in my mind back then with his "excuse", but I can't help but just feel disgusted. Disgusted that I was ever with him. That I let him into my life, and my family's life.
I had moved on fully in my life, but this has thrown a massive spanner in the works, and I just can't stop feeling awful tonight. I just want to cry/scream. How is this man still walking the streets when he is capable of such things?
I don't really know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just some kind words from some folks who may understand? I feel so alone in this.
Thanks in advance, and I do hope this is ok to post!
I can't believe I am here and posting this to be honest. I just don't know where else to turn and who to talk to about this, so I hope this is ok for me to post here.
I met my ex boyfriend in 2014. He was super charming, and I fell for him very quickly. Things moved very fast at the start of our relationship. We started looking for a house to rent together within a couple of months. When I found a house that I really liked, I put a deposit down on it to secure it. Well it was at this point when my boyfriend was hysterically upset. When I got home from work one day (he was staying at my parent's house with me at that point), he was sobbing uncontrollably and said he had to tell me something. He told me that a few years back, he had been convicted of being in possession of a laptop with child pornography. Now my first instant was to run of course! But he went on to tell me that he had bought the laptop from a guy on Gumtree quite a while before his conviction, and that he couldn't prove to the police who the guy was. Now at the time, I believed him because of his reaction when he was telling me the story. I'm not a gullible person, but I do try to see the good in people (at least I did!), and I did believe what he told me.
We went out for 2 years in total, and during our entire relationship, there were absolutely no red flags that would have made me doubt his story. Nothing ever happened that would make me think he would do a thing like that. The relationship was a toxic one - he cheated on me constantly, got a girl pregnant whilst we were going out (which I didn't discover until after we split), and in the end when I had had enough and was leaving him, he turned violent.
I left him in 2016.
Fast forward to today. I am a much stronger person than I was when we were together. I don't take crap from anyone anymore! I know how I should be treated, and I won't settle for anything less than that. I was recently contacted by the police about him. I obviously won't go into detail about that, as it's ongoing, but I don't believe it's anything to do with his previous conviction. I helped the police out by contacting a couple of his ex girlfriends, whom I knew of, but the police didn't. One of the girls I contacted has been in touch with another one of his exes (from 2018), who had a rather horrible experience with him, but split with him before anything happened. She sent me a message today (that I did not ask for!), telling me that she left after he asked her to "pretend to be an 11 year old girl. That he would play the dad, and to pretend like mum is next door whilst he is having sex with her".
Seeing these things just made me sick to my stomach today. He had a daughter who would have been 11 at the time - he doesn't see her of course - and the thought of him saying that to someone, after knowing about his previous conviction...I just can't put into words how I am feeling right now. I know I'm not to blame for him, and I know there was nothing to put doubt in my mind back then with his "excuse", but I can't help but just feel disgusted. Disgusted that I was ever with him. That I let him into my life, and my family's life.
I had moved on fully in my life, but this has thrown a massive spanner in the works, and I just can't stop feeling awful tonight. I just want to cry/scream. How is this man still walking the streets when he is capable of such things?
I don't really know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just some kind words from some folks who may understand? I feel so alone in this.
Thanks in advance, and I do hope this is ok to post!
Dear Anon2475,
Thank you for reaching out on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation will reply soon with some support.
It is evident that you are finding the current situation hard and that this recent police contact has brought some difficult things to the surface for you. With this in mind I suggest that, you take some time to look after yourself. This could be simple self-care activities such as going on a walk alone or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. It is important that you take care of yourself at this difficult time. Even though you are no longer involved with your ex-partner, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now! helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support. Our training operators deal with similar concerns to yours every day, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for reaching out on the Family and Friends forum, we understand that it is not easy to post on a forum about these difficult situations. I can see that you have not yet had a reply on your post, hopefully someone else in a similar situation will reply soon with some support.
It is evident that you are finding the current situation hard and that this recent police contact has brought some difficult things to the surface for you. With this in mind I suggest that, you take some time to look after yourself. This could be simple self-care activities such as going on a walk alone or engaging in a hobby you enjoy. It is important that you take care of yourself at this difficult time. Even though you are no longer involved with your ex-partner, I would also encourage you to contact our Stop it Now! helpline. The helpline is anonymous, confidential and free, on 0808 1000 900. One of our trained advisors will then be able to explore your situation in detail and provide some support. Our training operators deal with similar concerns to yours every day, and will be able to talk these through with you and offer you the best advice we can.
I hope this has been helpful.
Take care,
Lucy