No arrest but no information either
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Hello all
i posted a few weeks ago that my young daughter and her partner got the knock, she was in absolute pieces and still very distressed.
she has moved home and they are separating, he has atm not been arrested but told a string of different tales.
we have been told they are investigating his stuff and not interested in any of my daughters.
however he hasn't been charged with anything.
we don't know what he has told his family and we desperately want to believe the best of him.
Pam I being naieve, could it be "nothing" at all ?
and I expect we will never know now unless it goes to court, press etc.
It's all so upside down, you get literally no info do you, like a bomb goes off and your just left to find a way through.
my lass is doing ok but finding it hard with so many questions off friends and family as to why a young couple who seemed so happy and so sorted have suddenly split.
she is looking like the bad guy for what appears to be walking out on him
they now have house to sell etc and she's so sad I feel completely useless, she literally can't be on her own, she's a nervous wreck.
she also feels guilt as what if it is nothing, there's so many lies and emotions to go through.I honestly don't know how you all cope x
i posted a few weeks ago that my young daughter and her partner got the knock, she was in absolute pieces and still very distressed.
she has moved home and they are separating, he has atm not been arrested but told a string of different tales.
we have been told they are investigating his stuff and not interested in any of my daughters.
however he hasn't been charged with anything.
we don't know what he has told his family and we desperately want to believe the best of him.
Pam I being naieve, could it be "nothing" at all ?
and I expect we will never know now unless it goes to court, press etc.
It's all so upside down, you get literally no info do you, like a bomb goes off and your just left to find a way through.
my lass is doing ok but finding it hard with so many questions off friends and family as to why a young couple who seemed so happy and so sorted have suddenly split.
she is looking like the bad guy for what appears to be walking out on him
they now have house to sell etc and she's so sad I feel completely useless, she literally can't be on her own, she's a nervous wreck.
she also feels guilt as what if it is nothing, there's so many lies and emotions to go through.I honestly don't know how you all cope x
Just bumping for advice
we went to their house today , he's leaving cryptic clues all over, a bible , he's never shown any interest in religion
a card for a family member who's birthday is months away, an app written down for first steps, half bottle of whiskey left out and other stuff, my lass worries he's going to try suicide, she is now on diazepam and I'm just lost what to do, she's signed for councilling
we went to their house today , he's leaving cryptic clues all over, a bible , he's never shown any interest in religion
a card for a family member who's birthday is months away, an app written down for first steps, half bottle of whiskey left out and other stuff, my lass worries he's going to try suicide, she is now on diazepam and I'm just lost what to do, she's signed for councilling
Hi lioness
So I will try and awnser what I can, firstly I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. Unfortunately he won't be charged until they look through evidence which can take a very long time ours was 13 months until charges. As for not being arrested that is common that they just question the men.
As for conflicting story's your daughters hubby will know what he's done or not done, he may not of done anything but he could of done something, it depends if he will admit it.
So yes the bible, card, whisky all sounds like a farewell gift .. my son was similar and did nearly succeed fgs I found him, if I was 2 mins later I would of lost him. Although my son didn't leave a card or whisky it was a Bible and letter one I will never forget.
Please this is a very long journey get as much support as you can. We are all walking similar journeys. I wish you well x
So I will try and awnser what I can, firstly I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. Unfortunately he won't be charged until they look through evidence which can take a very long time ours was 13 months until charges. As for not being arrested that is common that they just question the men.
As for conflicting story's your daughters hubby will know what he's done or not done, he may not of done anything but he could of done something, it depends if he will admit it.
So yes the bible, card, whisky all sounds like a farewell gift .. my son was similar and did nearly succeed fgs I found him, if I was 2 mins later I would of lost him. Although my son didn't leave a card or whisky it was a Bible and letter one I will never forget.
Please this is a very long journey get as much support as you can. We are all walking similar journeys. I wish you well x
thank you so much for taking the time to reply, my girl is absolutely broken.on one had she's angry but sad and scared too she's talking to me and seeking help.
should she talk to someone about the whiskey card bible etc, he's home alone, he is still going to work and communicating , he's keeping the house tidy cooking etc
The house is going up for sale, he wants financials from house but no stuff, sofa tv etc he says he won't need it, I didn't know if that was because he thinks he's going to prison?
his family is quite disjointed and they have had a lot of dealings with police, he's a nice lad, obviously troubled and has had a lot to take in in his life.
Lon one hand I'm sad but then not as sad as I am for my lass ugghhh so hard to guide them through when I have no answers.
thanks for your time
should she talk to someone about the whiskey card bible etc, he's home alone, he is still going to work and communicating , he's keeping the house tidy cooking etc
The house is going up for sale, he wants financials from house but no stuff, sofa tv etc he says he won't need it, I didn't know if that was because he thinks he's going to prison?
his family is quite disjointed and they have had a lot of dealings with police, he's a nice lad, obviously troubled and has had a lot to take in in his life.
Lon one hand I'm sad but then not as sad as I am for my lass ugghhh so hard to guide them through when I have no answers.
thanks for your time
Sorry to hear your daughter is in this situation.
It sounds almost the same as my situation, young couple, no arrest but stuff taken from the house. It was very difficult to know what to believe or do. I chose to believe my partner because of the weak evidence.
We waited three months from the knock till the voluntary interview which presented the evidence to him. It was then a further 9 months before my partner was charged. In this time he had moved out because I was worried for my safety if it got out and I'd answered all the questions about why we split etc it was terrible to have to lie to all my family and friends.
A further 5 months down the line after a magistrates appearance and a crown court appearance with a trial date set all charges were dropped and we are trying to rebuild our lives.
It is going to be a difficult time for your daughter, I struggled with anxiety and felt I had some form of PTSD. Unfortunately it's not a quick process, has her partner given her any explanation? Luckily for me I owned my house alone but it cost us both thousands of pounds which I think will take a few years to recover from, I hope she can take each day a step at a time, and become stronger everyday, I know I did!
It sounds almost the same as my situation, young couple, no arrest but stuff taken from the house. It was very difficult to know what to believe or do. I chose to believe my partner because of the weak evidence.
We waited three months from the knock till the voluntary interview which presented the evidence to him. It was then a further 9 months before my partner was charged. In this time he had moved out because I was worried for my safety if it got out and I'd answered all the questions about why we split etc it was terrible to have to lie to all my family and friends.
A further 5 months down the line after a magistrates appearance and a crown court appearance with a trial date set all charges were dropped and we are trying to rebuild our lives.
It is going to be a difficult time for your daughter, I struggled with anxiety and felt I had some form of PTSD. Unfortunately it's not a quick process, has her partner given her any explanation? Luckily for me I owned my house alone but it cost us both thousands of pounds which I think will take a few years to recover from, I hope she can take each day a step at a time, and become stronger everyday, I know I did!
With the stuff left and saying he doesn't need things, would be worth making sure he does have contacts for people like the samaritans
Sometimes people do make an attempt, it is important they know there are people they can talk to. It sounds like no charges given yet? Maaybe you could leave some contacts around the house like the samaritans or helplines? Selling the house is a BIG step that's very quick, I would have thought normally people would wait until they at least know the charges (if any). Selling a house is so stressful in itself and that in itself really finalises things.
Sometimes people do make an attempt, it is important they know there are people they can talk to. It sounds like no charges given yet? Maaybe you could leave some contacts around the house like the samaritans or helplines? Selling the house is a BIG step that's very quick, I would have thought normally people would wait until they at least know the charges (if any). Selling a house is so stressful in itself and that in itself really finalises things.
Thank you both so much for your time to reply, they won't find a way back as the trust is causing massive issues.
he has gone from saying he is totally innnocent to he may have viewed regular porn, to maybe friends viewed things at their house to eventually he has a porn addiction.
there's been many lies and to enable her to start again she has to get the house money financially, she can't afford to pay half the mortgage and not live there, I'm helping financially where I can but not a big earner.
they had a massive mortgage and he can't pay it alone and all finance etc it's a bit of a mare with finances.
he has all help leaflets police left and is with first steps, if and I hope he does come back cleared thry prob won't rebuild, they are in contact though.
pits so hard isn't it, thank you for taking the time x
he has gone from saying he is totally innnocent to he may have viewed regular porn, to maybe friends viewed things at their house to eventually he has a porn addiction.
there's been many lies and to enable her to start again she has to get the house money financially, she can't afford to pay half the mortgage and not live there, I'm helping financially where I can but not a big earner.
they had a massive mortgage and he can't pay it alone and all finance etc it's a bit of a mare with finances.
he has all help leaflets police left and is with first steps, if and I hope he does come back cleared thry prob won't rebuild, they are in contact though.
pits so hard isn't it, thank you for taking the time x