??? Help for us
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Today is a bad day. We are hoping to hear from CPS this week as to the outcome of husbands case (2x chats with 2 under age girls). I have decided to stand by him but I'm struggling recently.
He has taken positive steps in addressing his issues and really finds the various courses and counselling beneficial. I have phoned the helpline once but didn't really find it that much help, I was just told what I already know.
Just reaching out to you all to ask what counselling/courses/literature has really helped you?
Thanks in advance
He has taken positive steps in addressing his issues and really finds the various courses and counselling beneficial. I have phoned the helpline once but didn't really find it that much help, I was just told what I already know.
Just reaching out to you all to ask what counselling/courses/literature has really helped you?
Thanks in advance
Hi Lee1969,
I have asked my husband if he is addicted to porn and he said he would only watch it from time to time! It appears he mainly went on chat rooms, sometimes he would watch women (over 18) on videocams but mostly he liked to chat. He claims he didn't even acknowledge the age of the girls he was chatting to, however I find this very hard to believe given what he was chatting about.
I have asked my husband if he is addicted to porn and he said he would only watch it from time to time! It appears he mainly went on chat rooms, sometimes he would watch women (over 18) on videocams but mostly he liked to chat. He claims he didn't even acknowledge the age of the girls he was chatting to, however I find this very hard to believe given what he was chatting about.
Hi Lee1969,
As a couple we are very good at pushing things under the carpet and not necessarily confronting things, neither of us like conflict. Maybe that has been the issue, although we have been with each other for 30 years, married for 28. He started to change a little coming upto his 50th birthday, started seriously working out at home and losing weight (not that he was over weight in the first place). I honestly thought he was having an on line affair..... Didn't think for 1 minute it was under age girls he was chatting to! I have no idea how to even begin to help myself, some days im as ok as I can be and other days, like today, I'm just in bits and have no idea how to calm my thoughts...... Will he do this again, is he seriously attracted to under age girls, can I stay married to him, will I recognise if he is struggling again?? So many questions and emotions it's unbearable. I constantly feel like I was and never will be 'enough' for him and he will always be looking for quick, cheap thrills elsewhere. I can't even begin to think about being intimate with him, it makes me feel physically sick knowing what he was done. I'm just in a very dark place and don't know where to turn.
As a couple we are very good at pushing things under the carpet and not necessarily confronting things, neither of us like conflict. Maybe that has been the issue, although we have been with each other for 30 years, married for 28. He started to change a little coming upto his 50th birthday, started seriously working out at home and losing weight (not that he was over weight in the first place). I honestly thought he was having an on line affair..... Didn't think for 1 minute it was under age girls he was chatting to! I have no idea how to even begin to help myself, some days im as ok as I can be and other days, like today, I'm just in bits and have no idea how to calm my thoughts...... Will he do this again, is he seriously attracted to under age girls, can I stay married to him, will I recognise if he is struggling again?? So many questions and emotions it's unbearable. I constantly feel like I was and never will be 'enough' for him and he will always be looking for quick, cheap thrills elsewhere. I can't even begin to think about being intimate with him, it makes me feel physically sick knowing what he was done. I'm just in a very dark place and don't know where to turn.
Thank you Lee1969 xx your guidance is very much appreciated.
Hi Mw
reading your posts sounds exactly like my husband. Like yours my husband viewed a little porn but mostly used online chat rooms. My husband is 60 and like yours over the last 10 years has lost a lot of weight. In previous years he'd chatted to adults he knew, then this year he started to use a different site. Like your husband he started chatting to someone who he first though was an adult but they revealed they were 13 during the chat and for some unknown reason he dismissed it and carried on. When we've talked about it, he said he didn't believe them.
he's said that one thing he's realised already is that he always focused on what he didn't have and not what he had, he never really spoke about things that bothered him or his childhood. I've learned more about my husband in the last two weeks than in 20 years.
we're very early in the process only 2 weeks on from the knock, and so far I've decided to stay with him.
he's doing everything he can with a great solicitor, specialist counsellor etc. I've also found a counsellor who I now see face to face as I don't find phone counselling works for me. That is Helping me to process things in my own head.
I don't know what im going to do in the long term. I love my husband dearly. We've been together 20 years, but im also conscious that it's a hard long road. He has his support ring around him with therapy, solicitor and psychologist. And one of my adult children has told me they will never speak to me again if I support him.
I wish you all the best - for us there is support available but we have to go and find it all ourselves, whilst often being in a position of having to lie to loved ones so they don't find out.
reading your posts sounds exactly like my husband. Like yours my husband viewed a little porn but mostly used online chat rooms. My husband is 60 and like yours over the last 10 years has lost a lot of weight. In previous years he'd chatted to adults he knew, then this year he started to use a different site. Like your husband he started chatting to someone who he first though was an adult but they revealed they were 13 during the chat and for some unknown reason he dismissed it and carried on. When we've talked about it, he said he didn't believe them.
he's said that one thing he's realised already is that he always focused on what he didn't have and not what he had, he never really spoke about things that bothered him or his childhood. I've learned more about my husband in the last two weeks than in 20 years.
we're very early in the process only 2 weeks on from the knock, and so far I've decided to stay with him.
he's doing everything he can with a great solicitor, specialist counsellor etc. I've also found a counsellor who I now see face to face as I don't find phone counselling works for me. That is Helping me to process things in my own head.
I don't know what im going to do in the long term. I love my husband dearly. We've been together 20 years, but im also conscious that it's a hard long road. He has his support ring around him with therapy, solicitor and psychologist. And one of my adult children has told me they will never speak to me again if I support him.
I wish you all the best - for us there is support available but we have to go and find it all ourselves, whilst often being in a position of having to lie to loved ones so they don't find out.