Still anxious about the future
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Hi everyone. I have been coming on this forum for the last 16 months since I had the knock on my door and can say it has really helped me with your stories and has helped me not feel as alone.
My partner was sentenced in June with a 2 year sentence suspended for 18 months and being on tag for 4 months. I have decided to stand by my partner. I think if my partner was not so open and was in denial it may be a different matter but he has shown remorse and has shown positive steps forward by completing the inform course and modules as well as seeing a therapist each week which has been happening for over 11 months now and I have already seen a change already.
As much as I do not condone any of his behaviour I went on the inform course which helped me understand more.
I think what hurts the most is that as I have decided to stay with my partner my brother has said I can no longer be part of his family and I can no longer see my niece and nephew which is heartbreaking as I love them dearly. He tried to force a decision upon me which was unfair as I love both my family and partner.
My parents have been supportive towards me but at the moment can't forgive my partner for the rift in my family. I hope In time this can change. I don't know if im being naive.
There are times I still feel lonely and the guilt I feel for not being able to tell my closer friends gets to me. Does anybody else feel like this?
I guess I worry about the future too as more than ever I wanted to become a mum, now is not the right time but I wonder would this stop me in the future?
I'm sorry I've waffled I guess it's nice to get out how you feel.
thank you for your posts again it really has given me more strength.
X
My partner was sentenced in June with a 2 year sentence suspended for 18 months and being on tag for 4 months. I have decided to stand by my partner. I think if my partner was not so open and was in denial it may be a different matter but he has shown remorse and has shown positive steps forward by completing the inform course and modules as well as seeing a therapist each week which has been happening for over 11 months now and I have already seen a change already.
As much as I do not condone any of his behaviour I went on the inform course which helped me understand more.
I think what hurts the most is that as I have decided to stay with my partner my brother has said I can no longer be part of his family and I can no longer see my niece and nephew which is heartbreaking as I love them dearly. He tried to force a decision upon me which was unfair as I love both my family and partner.
My parents have been supportive towards me but at the moment can't forgive my partner for the rift in my family. I hope In time this can change. I don't know if im being naive.
There are times I still feel lonely and the guilt I feel for not being able to tell my closer friends gets to me. Does anybody else feel like this?
I guess I worry about the future too as more than ever I wanted to become a mum, now is not the right time but I wonder would this stop me in the future?
I'm sorry I've waffled I guess it's nice to get out how you feel.
thank you for your posts again it really has given me more strength.
X
Hi,
This is my worry too. My husband has not been charged yet (file has gone to CPS) but I've decided to stick with him, as like your partner he is attending counselling and enrolled on courses.
My family are not aware that my husband has confessed, at first he made me/us believe his phone had been hacked. My sister didn't believe him, so that and the added complication of SS contacting her (my nieces are under age) she totally disowned my husband. I still see her but it's very false/fake friendship, very forced. My parents are a little better, although they too do not know he has confessed.
My biggest fear is that I will have to tell them he has done this awful crime, and they will force me to choose. They will certainly expect me to divorce him.
I love them all so much and hate what this has done to our family...... All for quick thrills!
I feel the only choice is to stand by my husband, not just for us as a couple but also our grown up daughters (they have no idea about any of this).
My heart goes out to you. You have made a strong and brave decision and I prey everything works out well for you and your family xx
This is my worry too. My husband has not been charged yet (file has gone to CPS) but I've decided to stick with him, as like your partner he is attending counselling and enrolled on courses.
My family are not aware that my husband has confessed, at first he made me/us believe his phone had been hacked. My sister didn't believe him, so that and the added complication of SS contacting her (my nieces are under age) she totally disowned my husband. I still see her but it's very false/fake friendship, very forced. My parents are a little better, although they too do not know he has confessed.
My biggest fear is that I will have to tell them he has done this awful crime, and they will force me to choose. They will certainly expect me to divorce him.
I love them all so much and hate what this has done to our family...... All for quick thrills!
I feel the only choice is to stand by my husband, not just for us as a couple but also our grown up daughters (they have no idea about any of this).
My heart goes out to you. You have made a strong and brave decision and I prey everything works out well for you and your family xx
Hi both,
Firstly, I am so glad that you've posted today as each post reminds me that I am not alone in this and the importance of reaching out.
The knock was only a couple of weeks ago, so I am still new to this. May I ask what your partner was sentenced for? I have not seen any cases similar to my partners but understand the sentences vary depending on judge. In all honesty, I am still unsure if I want to stand by my partner. I admire the strength of all partners on here because I think we all move between "head and heart". My partner is very remorseful and making progress to ensure this never happens again but I know the fallout amongst family and friends will be devastating. All of my family have said they will never forgive me if I choose to stay with him so I understand the hurt you are facing.
I have only told my one closest friend who has been supportive of my decisions but I find the lies unbearable, especially to those who love and care for you the most. I have had to avoid seeing them face to face as I know I will crumble. Over the next few weeks and months, I will have even more lies to tell our families and friends and I am just praying that I am doing the right thing.
I have also seen lots of posts on here from mums and the involvement of SS. Before the knock on the door, I was 12 weeks pregnant and last week I decided to have a termination. The decision was heartbreaking and will haunt me for the rest of my life but the shock and involvement from SS so early on had petrified me. I also had added pressure from family that no one would support me if I tried to maintain a relationship with my partner once the baby is born. I do however hope, that in time we could try for another child. I would love to become a mum too but know I am not physically or mentally strong enough to support a child right now. I do genuinely believe that as long as you are prepared and understandable to SS concerns that you can reunite and raise a family. It will not be easy but many posts on here do show it is possible - you will just need to fight for it!
Stay strong and follow your gut! x
Firstly, I am so glad that you've posted today as each post reminds me that I am not alone in this and the importance of reaching out.
The knock was only a couple of weeks ago, so I am still new to this. May I ask what your partner was sentenced for? I have not seen any cases similar to my partners but understand the sentences vary depending on judge. In all honesty, I am still unsure if I want to stand by my partner. I admire the strength of all partners on here because I think we all move between "head and heart". My partner is very remorseful and making progress to ensure this never happens again but I know the fallout amongst family and friends will be devastating. All of my family have said they will never forgive me if I choose to stay with him so I understand the hurt you are facing.
I have only told my one closest friend who has been supportive of my decisions but I find the lies unbearable, especially to those who love and care for you the most. I have had to avoid seeing them face to face as I know I will crumble. Over the next few weeks and months, I will have even more lies to tell our families and friends and I am just praying that I am doing the right thing.
I have also seen lots of posts on here from mums and the involvement of SS. Before the knock on the door, I was 12 weeks pregnant and last week I decided to have a termination. The decision was heartbreaking and will haunt me for the rest of my life but the shock and involvement from SS so early on had petrified me. I also had added pressure from family that no one would support me if I tried to maintain a relationship with my partner once the baby is born. I do however hope, that in time we could try for another child. I would love to become a mum too but know I am not physically or mentally strong enough to support a child right now. I do genuinely believe that as long as you are prepared and understandable to SS concerns that you can reunite and raise a family. It will not be easy but many posts on here do show it is possible - you will just need to fight for it!
Stay strong and follow your gut! x
Thank you both.
I believe we all strong on here from all the stories I read.
my partner unfortunately had been doing this for 15 years from the age of 14/15 and had wanted help but didn't know where to turn and he just got into a cycle. The inform course really helped me understand. And from his therapy there was clearly underlying issues from a young boy which he is continuing to address.
he had a lot of images from cat a b and c from over the years as it was very stop start as well as a conversation with a girl who he was led to believe was older than what she actually was. However it was unclear if it was a decoy or not.
I feel I can never tell my closer friends or extended family. With my mum and dad and brothers knowing is hard enough and I'm trying to just take one day at a time.
I hope if you do tell your family it all works out for you too.
I really do hope in the future we can have a family.
I wish there was a way we could contact one another to keep others strong on here.
is it just mums net that allows this even with having no children? it's just nice to know your not the only ones going through this as it is such a struggle.
sending my love and strength to you both.
I believe we all strong on here from all the stories I read.
my partner unfortunately had been doing this for 15 years from the age of 14/15 and had wanted help but didn't know where to turn and he just got into a cycle. The inform course really helped me understand. And from his therapy there was clearly underlying issues from a young boy which he is continuing to address.
he had a lot of images from cat a b and c from over the years as it was very stop start as well as a conversation with a girl who he was led to believe was older than what she actually was. However it was unclear if it was a decoy or not.
I feel I can never tell my closer friends or extended family. With my mum and dad and brothers knowing is hard enough and I'm trying to just take one day at a time.
I hope if you do tell your family it all works out for you too.
I really do hope in the future we can have a family.
I wish there was a way we could contact one another to keep others strong on here.
is it just mums net that allows this even with having no children? it's just nice to know your not the only ones going through this as it is such a struggle.
sending my love and strength to you both.