Just waiting for the next bombshell
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So husband was RUI 5 months ago for chatting to girls. It took him 4 months to confess to me. I need so many answers to questions he says he can't answer because he's "forgotten" what was in the messages. I'm now thinking that this is very convenient as I will only find out then he is charged. I'm assuming that if he says it out loud he might feel embarred, ashamed, disgusted, plus this way it appears that he's not lying again.
I'm so angry, upset, let down. I know I have changed as a person and that makes me so sad. I was always a laid back, placid woman who would always put everyone's feelings first.... Not now, I have no tolerance for anything.
I'm still with my husband but I'm feeling more and more distant to him by the day. I just don't know what to do for the best.
Has anyone on here been charged with chatting online and sending 1 pic (or so he tells me)? If so what sentence did you receive?
I'm so angry, upset, let down. I know I have changed as a person and that makes me so sad. I was always a laid back, placid woman who would always put everyone's feelings first.... Not now, I have no tolerance for anything.
I'm still with my husband but I'm feeling more and more distant to him by the day. I just don't know what to do for the best.
Has anyone on here been charged with chatting online and sending 1 pic (or so he tells me)? If so what sentence did you receive?
Mw
I have no words of wisdom for you unfortunately but I just wanted to reply to one thing. With regards RUI your hubby will probably interviewed again so maybe they will jog his memory, my son said the exact same to me, before he went to the police station to be questioned again some months later than first questioning I said make sure you remember everything. So then I knew what I was fully up against.
I'm sorry your feeling so lost, it truly is horrible isn't it. I have 100 % changed I will never be me again, very sad hey. Sending a virtual hug to you xx
I have no words of wisdom for you unfortunately but I just wanted to reply to one thing. With regards RUI your hubby will probably interviewed again so maybe they will jog his memory, my son said the exact same to me, before he went to the police station to be questioned again some months later than first questioning I said make sure you remember everything. So then I knew what I was fully up against.
I'm sorry your feeling so lost, it truly is horrible isn't it. I have 100 % changed I will never be me again, very sad hey. Sending a virtual hug to you xx
Hi Lee1969
Can I ask what work your husband has done? My husband has done a couple of courses from Stopso (names escape me now, not slept well last night!) and is currently engaging with Lucy Faithful Trust.
Can I ask what work your husband has done? My husband has done a couple of courses from Stopso (names escape me now, not slept well last night!) and is currently engaging with Lucy Faithful Trust.
Sorry, also what restrictions are imposed on SHPO?
Hi Becky1234, thank you for your reply. It's so sad that through no fault of our own we are changed people forever. I'm not sure I will ever fully accept or forgive him. It fills me with dread when I think about reading what he has sent in the text messages but also know I need all the details in order to try and move on.
You say you husband was re-interviewed, was that because they found more evidence?
We have been told that nothing else has been found on his phones (they took 2) and case has now gone to CPS.
You say you husband was re-interviewed, was that because they found more evidence?
We have been told that nothing else has been found on his phones (they took 2) and case has now gone to CPS.
Thank you Lee1969, great advice. I will pass this info onto husband, although I think he is in total denial he has a porn addiction, as he says he hardly watched porn it was more chats online. I have told him it's all treated under the same umbrella as it is sexually based.
Lee1969, that's exactly what I've told him. I almost feel that by denying he has an addiction he is 'going through the motions' in doing the courses coz it would look better in court. He says they are helping him in recognising what could be triggers and trying to not react to them.
I'm just feel so numb to it all now. He lied for so many weeks after being questioned, that I struggle to believe a thing that comes out of his mouth now.
I'm just feel so numb to it all now. He lied for so many weeks after being questioned, that I struggle to believe a thing that comes out of his mouth now.
Is he on the inform course? That helped my partner a lot more than the one modules. It finally got him to reflect on how his behaviour was so harmful. He become very much desensitized and he need the help to snap into reality.
My partner I think also doesn't quite think he had a porn addiction as such. He was addicted to taboo topics unfortunately, but I think still aligns with porn addiction. It maybe needs a new name to encompass it isn't just porn videos and images, but the communication side.
I will admit I have in the past got hooked on talking to people sexually online (ofc all legal and never had someone say there were underage and if they did I would have stopped). But it is addictive to get attention from people, even if you tend of minutes at a time and never speak to them again.
My partner went from watching extreme footage (legal and illegal) to then progress to chat rooms and catfished as young people because they got the most attention....
It was a fantasy for him. Convinced himself that he wasn't really talking to real children, but that doesn't matter and is no excuse. He just didn't see the harm in what he was doing and needed that support from professional to *slap him in the face*.
He did get alot of comments from authorities saying he was only doing the courses to benefit his court case, in part yes it is true but he also wanted to stop the offending to prevent him getting caught out and making his family's lives a misery all over again. For me I feel he did the rehabilitation for himself and that is why I have stayed. I think he has it under control now but I remind him that if he needs a 'top up' he needs to action it and before it is too late.
Any addiction needs to be monitored to keep the mental resilience up. I feel some people may have attitude that once they have done these courses then that's it, no more is required. It will be foreve an ongoing thing, or at least long term. Especially if the offending went on for quite a while. My partner was offending for ten years or more. It is very hard to unlearn that mindset I think. I know of the triggers and I'm here if he needs help but it is my partner's responsibility to manage his actions- no one else's.
My partner I think also doesn't quite think he had a porn addiction as such. He was addicted to taboo topics unfortunately, but I think still aligns with porn addiction. It maybe needs a new name to encompass it isn't just porn videos and images, but the communication side.
I will admit I have in the past got hooked on talking to people sexually online (ofc all legal and never had someone say there were underage and if they did I would have stopped). But it is addictive to get attention from people, even if you tend of minutes at a time and never speak to them again.
My partner went from watching extreme footage (legal and illegal) to then progress to chat rooms and catfished as young people because they got the most attention....
It was a fantasy for him. Convinced himself that he wasn't really talking to real children, but that doesn't matter and is no excuse. He just didn't see the harm in what he was doing and needed that support from professional to *slap him in the face*.
He did get alot of comments from authorities saying he was only doing the courses to benefit his court case, in part yes it is true but he also wanted to stop the offending to prevent him getting caught out and making his family's lives a misery all over again. For me I feel he did the rehabilitation for himself and that is why I have stayed. I think he has it under control now but I remind him that if he needs a 'top up' he needs to action it and before it is too late.
Any addiction needs to be monitored to keep the mental resilience up. I feel some people may have attitude that once they have done these courses then that's it, no more is required. It will be foreve an ongoing thing, or at least long term. Especially if the offending went on for quite a while. My partner was offending for ten years or more. It is very hard to unlearn that mindset I think. I know of the triggers and I'm here if he needs help but it is my partner's responsibility to manage his actions- no one else's.