Struggling
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Hi everyone.
The past 6 months have been a total nightmare. Back in February my mum, dad and I found out that my brother had been found guilty for downloading child porn and making images, he was arrested back in April 2019 but had his day in court in Feb where he was given a suspended sentence and rehabilitation. We all didn’t have any idea what had been going on over the previous 22 months as he and his wife had decided to keep it to themselves. As you can imagine it was a massive shock! There was lot of information that needed to be processed, and a lot of questions needed to be answered but he decided to leave the area and left his family to deal with the mess that he’s made.
I haven’t had any contact with him as I don’t know where he is and he’s changed his contact details. My mum and dad have had the odd phone call with him for a few minutes at a time where hasn’t even shown any remorse for what’s gone on, he’s just full of what he wants to do and full of confidence about his life where we feel our lives are in disarray and have been turned upside down. I feel like I have no idea who he his now. The past 6 months have been filled with a lot of sadness, disbelief, anger and I even feel guilty about what’s gone on and I don’t know why I feel that.
I’m so angry at him for the sadness and pain that he’s caused to my mum and dad, I’ve never seen my dad so hurt and upset before. As I’ve had no contact with my brother, I feel like I haven’t had an outlet for the anger at him. I would love to be able to shout and scream at him but I can’t! It’s like time has gone on but I haven’t moved on and dealt with it. I’m struggling and in need of some help and advice.
The past 6 months have been a total nightmare. Back in February my mum, dad and I found out that my brother had been found guilty for downloading child porn and making images, he was arrested back in April 2019 but had his day in court in Feb where he was given a suspended sentence and rehabilitation. We all didn’t have any idea what had been going on over the previous 22 months as he and his wife had decided to keep it to themselves. As you can imagine it was a massive shock! There was lot of information that needed to be processed, and a lot of questions needed to be answered but he decided to leave the area and left his family to deal with the mess that he’s made.
I haven’t had any contact with him as I don’t know where he is and he’s changed his contact details. My mum and dad have had the odd phone call with him for a few minutes at a time where hasn’t even shown any remorse for what’s gone on, he’s just full of what he wants to do and full of confidence about his life where we feel our lives are in disarray and have been turned upside down. I feel like I have no idea who he his now. The past 6 months have been filled with a lot of sadness, disbelief, anger and I even feel guilty about what’s gone on and I don’t know why I feel that.
I’m so angry at him for the sadness and pain that he’s caused to my mum and dad, I’ve never seen my dad so hurt and upset before. As I’ve had no contact with my brother, I feel like I haven’t had an outlet for the anger at him. I would love to be able to shout and scream at him but I can’t! It’s like time has gone on but I haven’t moved on and dealt with it. I’m struggling and in need of some help and advice.
Goldfinch87 my heart goes out to you. When you have such life shattering news like that you need answers to so many questions. I would hope that your brother has received help for his addiction, and making positive steps to change certain triggers and behaviours?
Have you tried calling the he line? It helps so many people on here, so it might be worth giving it a try. Also try and read information about why men do this, it might help in answering some of your questions?
Always here if you want to vent though. I'm 5 months from 'the knock'. Husband was RUI for online chats. I've decided (at the moment) to stick by him as he is actively addressing his issues and triggers.
Have you tried calling the he line? It helps so many people on here, so it might be worth giving it a try. Also try and read information about why men do this, it might help in answering some of your questions?
Always here if you want to vent though. I'm 5 months from 'the knock'. Husband was RUI for online chats. I've decided (at the moment) to stick by him as he is actively addressing his issues and triggers.
Thank you so much for your reply Mw. I'm sorry that you're in this horrible situation as well.
I haven't tried the help line yet but I think I might give it a go. It'll be a massive help talking to people with this kind of experience.
I haven't talked to my brother and I doubt that I ever will so I'm not sure if he is actually making any progress with his rehab. From what my mum and dad have said when they've briefly spoken to him, he's not showing any remorse for what's happened.
It sounds positive that your husband is getting help for his issues and triggers. I really hope you both can find a way out of this mess and be happy together. Massive hugs to you Mw. xx
I haven't tried the help line yet but I think I might give it a go. It'll be a massive help talking to people with this kind of experience.
I haven't talked to my brother and I doubt that I ever will so I'm not sure if he is actually making any progress with his rehab. From what my mum and dad have said when they've briefly spoken to him, he's not showing any remorse for what's happened.
It sounds positive that your husband is getting help for his issues and triggers. I really hope you both can find a way out of this mess and be happy together. Massive hugs to you Mw. xx
Goldfinch, it's just so very sad that we are trust into this 'new' kind of life through no fault of our own. I have alot of anger surrounding that but also very aware I need to support my husband!
It will be difficult for your brother moving forward if he isn't even acknowledging the seriousness of the offence. He really should think of trying to engage in the Lucy Faithful Course, as it may help him try to understand why he has done this.
I'm always here if you need to vent and wish you all the best xxx big hugs
It will be difficult for your brother moving forward if he isn't even acknowledging the seriousness of the offence. He really should think of trying to engage in the Lucy Faithful Course, as it may help him try to understand why he has done this.
I'm always here if you need to vent and wish you all the best xxx big hugs