Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

I am staying with my husband although I want to kill him at times, my kids love their dad and want us to be together, I will be led by the children and while this is wat we all want at min if they change their minds then he nos they come first. I don't think any of us condone wat our partners or family members have done but we no them ( or some of them ) as kind loving partners, we're good husbands and good dads, unfortunately they found themselves in a bad place and did something wrong x

Honestly.. Were taking it day by day... I don't know whether we'll stay together or not...It all depends on his sentence outcome really...

During the investigation I decided to stick by my partner and see the outcome of the sentencing. He is remorseful, did the rehabilitation on his own accord and has worked hard to live as Normal as possible. He has never made me feel like I'm propping him up- that he relies on my support to not relapse. That aspect is important to me, I don't want to feel trapped and feel like I have responsibility for his actions. I trust him enough to not think he would be a risk again for offending if our relationship failed.

I had told him if it was a prison sentence I would unlikely be able to be in a relationship anymore. He understood. He got a suspended sentence so we are still together. It has been tough, and more recently a struggle with the need to disclose to my family, which I didn't really think much about. I feel like I'm too involved now to back away, I do wish at times that I just ran when he first told me of his offending. I am an odd one since we got together during the investigation, didn't k kw him before we dated. Ofc many would have walked away but I didn't and now I'm too invested. I do have a strong belief in the good rehabilitation can do a d have seen it work well for my partner.

But all this will be with him for the rest of his life, it doesn't end when the SOR ends. It will be hanging over us whilst we are together. At the moment I'm ok with that, but have told him if it is ever too much for me, or I decide I want children, then we will need to go our separate ways.

This is second time around for oh .. i stood by him first time .. but im struggling with this second time around

1st time we had our windiws smashed sheds broken into stuff stolen life turned upside down .. my family didnt understand why i stayed so i lost them!!

I cant stand be his wife in that sense but will be there to help when he will let me e isnt talking much .. the second knock was 25th may .. wk after major brain surgery ..

He has made a full revovery ..

Im completly on my own ...

Hope you are ok xx

Hi Susie65,

Ur not on ur own we will be here to help u xx please don't feel like that x I no its hard xx

I really don't know what to do.
I am standing by him as we have 2 children and i a am trying to keep their normal going as long as possible. To me he is now not the man I married. But someone who spent his time hiding a huge secret and I can't get past that. I see him as a totally different person who has ruined my life. I can't imagine being back to a normal husband and wife. Some days I want to run for the hills, other days I cope much better

I am staying with my partner, he had stopped offending before we met, he told me straight away after the knock, which he didn't have to do as we don't live together, everything he told me ie when he'd stopped offending, how many images, how he had started with legal porn and spiraled down, his PO report said in his opinion my partner had no sexual interest in children it was addiction, all these things helped my decision, I have had wobbles especially when it ended up in the media, my daughter found out and its been difficult, my partner has lost his son, luckily no other of my friends, family workmates know, I don't know how I'd feel if they did, I do believe though that you can't define a person by one thing, I believe my partner is a good man who made some terrible decisions while in a bad place and is at the moment addressing why he did it, the whole thing is a personal decision though no one decision is right or wrong

Hi Chelsea 1

im 6 days into the knock. My husband was arrested for what I have been told talking to a minor who he believed was 18. Found her details on pornhub in a role play chat something or other and had been talking on kik. The idiot had sent a video but has told me nothing else apart from the sexual chat and him sending videos and the person sending a non sexual selfie were sent.
At the moment we're still together but it is hard. We've been together for almost 19 years and married for 16. He hasn't always been fairhful and there have been 2 affairs that we have got through. He has admitted that he has an addiction to sex and porn and has been looking at groups. We're currently sleeping in separate rooms which I feel guilty about for some reason but if we go back to sharing a bed for me it's going to signal that everything is ok and is going to go back to normal. But our normal has gone and we have to find another way to live.
At the moment I'm thinking of staying with him but if he is charged or receives a convention I do have to have a serious think as this will not only impact our lives but my job too.
being on here and the advice I have got has helped me to process and realise that I have to take things slow and not rush any major decisions.
for us in this situation we have to put ourselves first and do what is best for us

my family are being a little tough. He has only told one of his sisters. We haven't told many people. I told my work due to my job and they have been supportive, worries about going back just cos of my head being all over the place.

my other half has a new phone so a lot of the numbers he had would have gone for now and he has deactivated his fb and messenger.

higs back at you

My partner of 3 years, we had the knock on the 15/07/2021 I have children so all depends on the outcome, I am really struggling at time to stick by him but others I wouldn't have it any other way, he was talking on a app called kik no actual children involved keep being told by people it's like writing a story how the hell is it like writing a story, I am struggling to understand

Hi everyone,

Had knock on 13.July from vigilante group. Allegation chat with 13year old. Posted live on fb. My world has fallen apart but I'm standing with him for now. He told me that he was on an 18+ chat room then was ask to move to whatsup . When told that she was 13 he didn't believe it as she was on an adult chat. Right now I'm going through hell. Worrying if he's gonna be recognized and targeted by thugs. Some close friends know and standing by me and my decision. Trying to get through each day not looking to far ahead. I'm scared to leave the house, when not at work. In case someone says something to me . These live stings are nasty and I wish they could be stopped, at least til people are dealt with by police. They don't give any thought to innocent family members at all nor the impact these stings have on them.

It's all about likes and followers

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some help and support, I'm very new to all this and still trying to process what's happening and its all so raw. My partner is under investigation for looking at IIOC. I love my partner so much, more than anything. My family are very against me supporting my partner through this and I understand why. But its becoming very pressured when I dont want to walk away.

I don't support what he has done because this is not acceptable but I support that he wants help and he's asked for help and already making steps to get better. I have a lot of faith that we will be able to get through this together, we have no children involved between us.

Please can someone shed some light at the end of the tunnel, will we ever be able to have children? and will we ever be able to live some form of life after? Am I stupid for wanting this because I'm so sure that I want to stand by him.

Thank you in advance for any advice :)

Hi Chelsea1,

I completely understand where u r coming from, my husbands son has disowned him but I think that was because we didn't tell him about him going to court, relationship was strained as his now wife wants nothing to do with my husband, and it was all over our local fb page and in the local newspaper again that was online, and there is like a vigilante group that had just formed a few months before my hubby went to court and it was all over there, my husbands parents r dead and other than his son no one else on his family knows as far as we no. But I couldn't walk away he is not a bad person he just got addicted to downloading normal things and fell into the rabbit hole he is ashamed of wat he has done wat he has put me and our girls through, he has changed as no longer has or wants a computer, and takes everything I throw at him when my moods are low. People can change if they want I no some don't and r just bad people but sometimes good people just make massive mistakes and shouldn't be punished for life for it xx I hope things work out for u both xx

Hi Chelsea1,



My husband doesn't work he is retired, like I have said he is alot older than me so I don't have that to worry about and he got 12 months suspended for 2 years for downloading iiocs all categories xx its not been easy but he has been a good husband to me and a great dad, I have always suffered with depression and he has stood by me and stopped me from ending my life, but he knows I will NOT go through this again, it's bad enough once, I think wat I get angry at is I no he hasn't looked at half of wat he downloaded so all this upset and for wat for nothing, he said ( he even told the police ) he didn't get any gratification out of it just too bloody curious, as he had animal stuff, he downloaded anything and everything that was porn, I think the addiction wasn't just the porn but the actual downloading too if that makes sense.

It's funny because I am a very emotional person where as he isnt so I had sent him a message saying he had annoyed me as he was coming across a bit arrogant not nasty he doesn't seem bother we had lost friends and family where I am upset, but he says he is he just doesn't show it. Poor guy does cop it from me but I guess it's all the emotions we go through x

Hi Chelsea, I'm 3 weeks since the knock and I'm standing by my husband. His was images in a kik messenger group but he's owned it and is getting all the help he needs. His is all rolled into a gambling addiction.

luckily his family are being very supportive too.

Hi all,

I feel everyday my mind is getting stronger and stronger towards supporting my partner through this. The main thing that worries me the most is when I finally tell my family that I want to support him.

How do I say it because they keep telling me to walk away and making up things like he never made me happy and he doesn't love you.

This really hurts me and I feel it makes it easier for me to support my partner. My partner loves me and has always made me happy. I'm not expecting my family to support my partner or my decision but they are pushing me away.

Sending hugs to you all xx

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