SS help
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Hi All,
My partner was arrested in Oct 2017 for POIC. The offences happened in 2016 before we had got together. Due to various delays, he wasn't charged until June 2020 (Yes! Almost 3 years later!) He was sentenced to 2 years probation, plus 5 on SOR.
Despite backlash from friends I decided to support him and stay with him. He is an amazing man who made a terrible mistake while in the depths of addiction and depression. We have a great, loving relationship and a really supportive family.
I have just found out I am pregnant (only 4 weeks) and I was wondering what the next step is?
When do I contact SS? Or will the hospital automatically do it? I have read about safety plans, but should I have one ready for the first meeting with SS?
The baby will be due at the end of April and his probabation will end in June. Will this make a difference? We are also very lucky to have an extremely supportive Probation officer. Should we tell her right away? And would she able to sit in meetings with SS? My partner has also attended therapy.
I just want to stay in this happiness bubble, but also want to address SS early so I know what to expect!
Thank you and sending love and support to all you strong women!! You will get through it!
My partner was arrested in Oct 2017 for POIC. The offences happened in 2016 before we had got together. Due to various delays, he wasn't charged until June 2020 (Yes! Almost 3 years later!) He was sentenced to 2 years probation, plus 5 on SOR.
Despite backlash from friends I decided to support him and stay with him. He is an amazing man who made a terrible mistake while in the depths of addiction and depression. We have a great, loving relationship and a really supportive family.
I have just found out I am pregnant (only 4 weeks) and I was wondering what the next step is?
When do I contact SS? Or will the hospital automatically do it? I have read about safety plans, but should I have one ready for the first meeting with SS?
The baby will be due at the end of April and his probabation will end in June. Will this make a difference? We are also very lucky to have an extremely supportive Probation officer. Should we tell her right away? And would she able to sit in meetings with SS? My partner has also attended therapy.
I just want to stay in this happiness bubble, but also want to address SS early so I know what to expect!
Thank you and sending love and support to all you strong women!! You will get through it!
Hi.
im pregnant with our first but my hubby is still released under investigation so no charges or conviction yet.
I would tell the probation officer straight away and they can do the referral. I would also give the "family rights group" a call as they will be able to advise you. Just give them a google.
For me having a safety plan in place is what has kept my family together - but in your case you certainly wouldn't want to put too many restrictions on yourself by going too crazy with a safety plan when technically your baby will be a month old when probation ends. Though if this "matters" to the SS is very dependent on your local authority!
The PO should be able to refer you to social services and provide them with a risk assessment ect prior to your meeting with them. They won't come and meet you before you are 12 weeks pregnant though I believe. They are likely going to do a pre birth assessment with you which will determine what steps they want to take. Just remember NEVER say your partner isn't a risk, talk in the context of the baby all the time and make sure you show you would protect the baby over your partner every time.
im pregnant with our first but my hubby is still released under investigation so no charges or conviction yet.
I would tell the probation officer straight away and they can do the referral. I would also give the "family rights group" a call as they will be able to advise you. Just give them a google.
For me having a safety plan in place is what has kept my family together - but in your case you certainly wouldn't want to put too many restrictions on yourself by going too crazy with a safety plan when technically your baby will be a month old when probation ends. Though if this "matters" to the SS is very dependent on your local authority!
The PO should be able to refer you to social services and provide them with a risk assessment ect prior to your meeting with them. They won't come and meet you before you are 12 weeks pregnant though I believe. They are likely going to do a pre birth assessment with you which will determine what steps they want to take. Just remember NEVER say your partner isn't a risk, talk in the context of the baby all the time and make sure you show you would protect the baby over your partner every time.
Also as a bit of advise I would look to do some safeguarding courses as soon as possible. This will show you have been proactive and could spot signs of abuse.
There is an NSPCC one that can be done online for £20. And then if you look up "maximise training" they do free NVQ level 2 courses in Safeguarding and prevent. Technically a 9 week online self learning course but it's pretty simple and can be done in a lot less time.
There is an NSPCC one that can be done online for £20. And then if you look up "maximise training" they do free NVQ level 2 courses in Safeguarding and prevent. Technically a 9 week online self learning course but it's pretty simple and can be done in a lot less time.
Scared Lamb, thank you so much for your reply.
I am so sorry you are going through this too. What a stressful time for you and your family. Do you have other children?
What sort of things did you put in your safety plan? As you said, I don't want to be to hasty, eg bf won't ever be left alone or no nappy changes, incase that is too harsh.
His PO has already identified my partner as very low risk and she even said she didn't even deliberate it! So hopefully that will go in our favour!
I really hope that your process will be quicker than mine. You will get through it, I promise xx
I am so sorry you are going through this too. What a stressful time for you and your family. Do you have other children?
What sort of things did you put in your safety plan? As you said, I don't want to be to hasty, eg bf won't ever be left alone or no nappy changes, incase that is too harsh.
His PO has already identified my partner as very low risk and she even said she didn't even deliberate it! So hopefully that will go in our favour!
I really hope that your process will be quicker than mine. You will get through it, I promise xx
Hi.
This is our first baby so no other children - which I actually think helped as it meant he didn't need to move out while they did the investigation, as I think it's harder to get them back home if they leave!
Yes our safety plan has had to be very harsh to allow him to live with us. So no unsupervised access at all, no nappies or bath time, no using phones around her, I've got limits on his devises. We do also have a lot in there about him doing therapy and courses. One thing you could start to do is identify who is in your support circle. Who could you go to if you felt there was a danger, are you able to get away from him if needed and where would you go. What steps would you take if you felt that you couldn't manage the risk ect.
We have a meeting next week with our loved ones and social services to make sure they know the safety plan and also ask if there is anything they want to add in such as calling to check on us every few days or when they could do babysitting ect ect. I think it will be a pretty positive session.
Social services have assessed my hubby as low risk too (as he was communication with minor police decoy and never asked for pictures in return ect). They have said that his issues come from his own abuse as a child and he is unlikely to cause harm to his own child. So that and the safety plan means they are satisfied he can stay home. They are even already talking about closing our case for now as we are coping - and baby isn't even here yet!
Im between wanting it all to be over quickly and hoping it isn't over too quickly (really horribly selfishly!) because he will possibly lose his job or go to prison at the end of this and that's going to be even harder if I'm on maternity leave!! Also the longer he has the more work he can do which will be better for mitigation- he's already doing so much better and so much happier than he was even before the knock that frankly i would like him to be in his happy new baby bubble for as long as possible too before we deal with the next bit!
This is our first baby so no other children - which I actually think helped as it meant he didn't need to move out while they did the investigation, as I think it's harder to get them back home if they leave!
Yes our safety plan has had to be very harsh to allow him to live with us. So no unsupervised access at all, no nappies or bath time, no using phones around her, I've got limits on his devises. We do also have a lot in there about him doing therapy and courses. One thing you could start to do is identify who is in your support circle. Who could you go to if you felt there was a danger, are you able to get away from him if needed and where would you go. What steps would you take if you felt that you couldn't manage the risk ect.
We have a meeting next week with our loved ones and social services to make sure they know the safety plan and also ask if there is anything they want to add in such as calling to check on us every few days or when they could do babysitting ect ect. I think it will be a pretty positive session.
Social services have assessed my hubby as low risk too (as he was communication with minor police decoy and never asked for pictures in return ect). They have said that his issues come from his own abuse as a child and he is unlikely to cause harm to his own child. So that and the safety plan means they are satisfied he can stay home. They are even already talking about closing our case for now as we are coping - and baby isn't even here yet!
Im between wanting it all to be over quickly and hoping it isn't over too quickly (really horribly selfishly!) because he will possibly lose his job or go to prison at the end of this and that's going to be even harder if I'm on maternity leave!! Also the longer he has the more work he can do which will be better for mitigation- he's already doing so much better and so much happier than he was even before the knock that frankly i would like him to be in his happy new baby bubble for as long as possible too before we deal with the next bit!