The dreaded letter
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So today is the day we have reciecieved 'the letter' 3 charges of talking to and inciting illicit behaviour... Magistrates Court date of 9.9.21 ???? we have had a good talk tonight (albeit wine induced... My god I needed it) and decided that now is the time to tell our eldest daughter and her partner.
I'm so conflicted, I love my husband so very much but feel that we are living like house mates. I think my daughter will stand by her dad but so worry about their relationship. Not telling our youngest daughter yet as she is already suffering with mental health issues.
I'm in bits, trying to keep everything together for everyone else.
I'm so conflicted, I love my husband so very much but feel that we are living like house mates. I think my daughter will stand by her dad but so worry about their relationship. Not telling our youngest daughter yet as she is already suffering with mental health issues.
I'm in bits, trying to keep everything together for everyone else.
Hi MW
That seems quite quick in comparison to some others if I'm remembering right from your previous messages.
glad you were able to have a good chat. Your wait is nearly over now and I have all the faith that you will make it through! Good luck for the next steps. Keep us up to date. My husband is facing the same charges I think but we are waiting even on devices to be checked. 3 months so far.
It may help you to have your daughter in the loop too - at least it's someone else you can talk to.
take care
That seems quite quick in comparison to some others if I'm remembering right from your previous messages.
glad you were able to have a good chat. Your wait is nearly over now and I have all the faith that you will make it through! Good luck for the next steps. Keep us up to date. My husband is facing the same charges I think but we are waiting even on devices to be checked. 3 months so far.
It may help you to have your daughter in the loop too - at least it's someone else you can talk to.
take care
Can I ask was there a second interview. How does it work.
My husband is RUI and they are still looking at his phone 5 months later. Does anyone know what I can expect. Does it come in a letter? A call from the solicitor or another knock!!!!! How are the charges made knackered to us.
I take my hat off to all going through this. Some days I am doing ok and other days it just kills me.
We are just back from a few days away with our young children where he was the perfect dad as he always has been. Unfortunately for me I can't shake the fact that he has not been the perfect husband.
My husband is RUI and they are still looking at his phone 5 months later. Does anyone know what I can expect. Does it come in a letter? A call from the solicitor or another knock!!!!! How are the charges made knackered to us.
I take my hat off to all going through this. Some days I am doing ok and other days it just kills me.
We are just back from a few days away with our young children where he was the perfect dad as he always has been. Unfortunately for me I can't shake the fact that he has not been the perfect husband.
Starry - husband didn't have a 2nd interview as no further evidence was found (got to be thankful for that I suppose). File went to CPS a couple of months ago and we just received a letter outlining the charges.
He faces 3 seperate charges. Communication for sexual gratification and intentional attempt to incite a sexual act, solicitor has mentioned they were police decoys.
I feel sick to the core that I now need to tell the family. I have maintained all along I thought he was innocent, I didn't tell them he confessed.
I know my family will expect me to leave him and they will never want to see him again. I'm almost going to have to lead 2 seperate lives.
I hate how this has changed me, I was always a positive, upbeat person but since this nightmare started I've never been so sad. Life as I knew it has changed and I will never be the person I was.
At the moment I have decided to stay with my husband, albeit just as 'house mates'.
He faces 3 seperate charges. Communication for sexual gratification and intentional attempt to incite a sexual act, solicitor has mentioned they were police decoys.
I feel sick to the core that I now need to tell the family. I have maintained all along I thought he was innocent, I didn't tell them he confessed.
I know my family will expect me to leave him and they will never want to see him again. I'm almost going to have to lead 2 seperate lives.
I hate how this has changed me, I was always a positive, upbeat person but since this nightmare started I've never been so sad. Life as I knew it has changed and I will never be the person I was.
At the moment I have decided to stay with my husband, albeit just as 'house mates'.
Thank you Lee
Hiya MW.
When did you get the knock.
((Hugs)) xx
When did you get the knock.
((Hugs)) xx
Hi Chelsea, the knock came at the beginning of March 21. We live in the northwest.
Hiya MW.
Blimey that was quick compared to the rest of the people on here.
Hubby is nearly 3 months in and nothing.
Xx
Blimey that was quick compared to the rest of the people on here.
Hubby is nearly 3 months in and nothing.
Xx
Hi, think the North west does seem too be quicker, we where 10 months from knock to crown court, in one way its good to know what you are dealing with, in another its so scary, my partner got a suspended sentence, we are dealing things on daily basis, one thing at a time, good luck with everything
Hi Emmie Lou, can I asked what your husband was charged with? I've seen similar stories on here to ours where the partner has got anything from suspended sentence to prison.
Lee1969 xx thank you for your kind words. I have decided to tell my daughter next Friday, at least then she wil have the weekend to digest everything before going to work on Monday!
HI Mw my partner was charged with downloading images, 14 cat a, 20 cat b rest cat c, 1000 in total, he didn't search for any had deleted them, infact he had stopped before I met him, he got 10 years SHPO just restrictions on Internet use, 10 years SOR, it was what we wherev told to expect but from the forum I have learnt it is pretty much up to the judge on the day
Mw thank you for your reply.
Dear all, I am struggling to see how my life will ever be normal again. We have 2 children 10 and 4, we spent our time in the compmany of friends, BBQs, weekends away etc...... we weee very sociable. 10 on SHPO is a long time to not be able to go anywhere As theee is always kids around I'm assuming my hubby won't be able to go anywhere like this. 10 years of isolating myself from family and friends or turning up everywhere on my own with the kids lying to people and making excuses as to where husband is. I can't do it. I feel like he will be asking me to live a completely different life and I don't see why I should. I will support him as a friend I think but I feel like it would be easier to split and for me to make a life for myself and the kids and then I won't be forever lying to people. This devastated me tho.
What are people's thoughts especially those that have small children. I thought I could stay with him for the sake of the kids but the last 6months have been hell and I've been so sad
Dear all, I am struggling to see how my life will ever be normal again. We have 2 children 10 and 4, we spent our time in the compmany of friends, BBQs, weekends away etc...... we weee very sociable. 10 on SHPO is a long time to not be able to go anywhere As theee is always kids around I'm assuming my hubby won't be able to go anywhere like this. 10 years of isolating myself from family and friends or turning up everywhere on my own with the kids lying to people and making excuses as to where husband is. I can't do it. I feel like he will be asking me to live a completely different life and I don't see why I should. I will support him as a friend I think but I feel like it would be easier to split and for me to make a life for myself and the kids and then I won't be forever lying to people. This devastated me tho.
What are people's thoughts especially those that have small children. I thought I could stay with him for the sake of the kids but the last 6months have been hell and I've been so sad
Starry
I am having the same struggles as you, children are 5 & 9.
We are awaiting charges but likely it will end with a guilty plea, hopefully suspended sentence and assume SOR and SHPO. The SHPO is what worries me the most, how can I explain to the children they can't have friends over/ birthday parties without Daddy? I'm struggling to find examples of what conditions are on an SHPO so it's just a waiting and guessing game.
I want to stay together, the surrounding circumstances are not an excuse but were the reason he went down this path and he is addressing them, strangely our relationship is better than ever because of our complete open and honest talks but I can't figure out if staying together will do more harm to the children in the long run!
I am having the same struggles as you, children are 5 & 9.
We are awaiting charges but likely it will end with a guilty plea, hopefully suspended sentence and assume SOR and SHPO. The SHPO is what worries me the most, how can I explain to the children they can't have friends over/ birthday parties without Daddy? I'm struggling to find examples of what conditions are on an SHPO so it's just a waiting and guessing game.
I want to stay together, the surrounding circumstances are not an excuse but were the reason he went down this path and he is addressing them, strangely our relationship is better than ever because of our complete open and honest talks but I can't figure out if staying together will do more harm to the children in the long run!
Thank you both.
Snoop I totally understand where you are coming from and it's an awful waiting game. I am so angry and sad that he has put me in this position. We don't have open and honest conversations. He won't bring it up and that is part of his problem. I don't want to know as I am so cross with him therefore I feel like i have little respect for him that he can't even man up and tell me what's been going on, I've had snippets.
Lee I get what your saying about staying with someone for the sake of the children. That is what I am doing and I thought I could but it's destroying me. If gets supervised access only I will be the only that can do it, we have no family to speak of and absolutely no one knows the hell we're going through. I am so overwhelmed about how I will suddenly become a single parent overnight doing everything for the kids and taking them everywhere all on my own whilst he gets away with doing nothing. I literally have no family to help, lots of friends but I refuse to tell anyone of what I'm going through as I know they wouldn't understand.
I can't understand why someone would throw their whole life away and bring everyone they're supposed to live down with them.
Sorry for the rant, I haven't had any counselling yet as any day that Not working I have my youngest at home with me whereas my husband has been given time off work to do stop so sessions and counselling etc......Again I feel like I am being punished, I am just trying to get through everyday as best I can
Snoop I totally understand where you are coming from and it's an awful waiting game. I am so angry and sad that he has put me in this position. We don't have open and honest conversations. He won't bring it up and that is part of his problem. I don't want to know as I am so cross with him therefore I feel like i have little respect for him that he can't even man up and tell me what's been going on, I've had snippets.
Lee I get what your saying about staying with someone for the sake of the children. That is what I am doing and I thought I could but it's destroying me. If gets supervised access only I will be the only that can do it, we have no family to speak of and absolutely no one knows the hell we're going through. I am so overwhelmed about how I will suddenly become a single parent overnight doing everything for the kids and taking them everywhere all on my own whilst he gets away with doing nothing. I literally have no family to help, lots of friends but I refuse to tell anyone of what I'm going through as I know they wouldn't understand.
I can't understand why someone would throw their whole life away and bring everyone they're supposed to live down with them.
Sorry for the rant, I haven't had any counselling yet as any day that Not working I have my youngest at home with me whereas my husband has been given time off work to do stop so sessions and counselling etc......Again I feel like I am being punished, I am just trying to get through everyday as best I can
In regards to SHPO and family/friends gatherings it is most likely a condition would include something along the lines of no contact with under 16s (some have 18s) unless the parents are aware of the offending and are ok with contact and SS sign it off as ok. Otherwise it is a breach.
My partner is allowed to go to family events on one side of my family as there is only one under 16 and it is agreed with SS and my aunt and uncle my partner will be supervised at family gatherings.
But as it was said above it may be tricky to navigate and make excuses as to why a partner cannot attend events- maybe disclosure may help if the family members are agreed with supervision- but ofc many would not be happy to hear there is an offender in the family....
But it maybe something to consider, especially when SHPO conditions are confirmed.
My partner is allowed to go to family events on one side of my family as there is only one under 16 and it is agreed with SS and my aunt and uncle my partner will be supervised at family gatherings.
But as it was said above it may be tricky to navigate and make excuses as to why a partner cannot attend events- maybe disclosure may help if the family members are agreed with supervision- but ofc many would not be happy to hear there is an offender in the family....
But it maybe something to consider, especially when SHPO conditions are confirmed.
Thank you Lee. I really appreciate your words, you've answered a few of my my posts.
he tried to commit suicide twice also after arrest so I feel like I have to be wary of my words and actions. I really want him to man up and face what is coming so I haven't really said what I am Thinking and feeling. I feel like if I do I risk him doing it again. I have said to him that just because I might not want to be with him doesn't mean I want him not alive. He has no family so I feel like I'm his only support.
I feel like I would be better off on my own with the children and allow him to be a dad as best he can with restrictions etc......
he tried to commit suicide twice also after arrest so I feel like I have to be wary of my words and actions. I really want him to man up and face what is coming so I haven't really said what I am Thinking and feeling. I feel like if I do I risk him doing it again. I have said to him that just because I might not want to be with him doesn't mean I want him not alive. He has no family so I feel like I'm his only support.
I feel like I would be better off on my own with the children and allow him to be a dad as best he can with restrictions etc......