Family and Friends Forum

Hi, where do I start, woken by police at 7am this morning , husband of 25 years arrested for having images on his computer. I feel as if a bomb has hit our lives. I have 2 adult sons(husbands step sons) one wants to kill him the other just can not stop crying. I know they are trying to help me but I do not know what to do. Older son is father to our 3 grandchildren - my husband swears he has never touched them or wanted to but I understand my sons anger towards him.
He has lied to me for almost our entire relationship. Part of me wants to hug and protect him as he has always been my rock and we have helped each other through some tough times, but at the moment I can not have him in the house. Our last conversation on the phone he sounds so distraught at what he has done and I worry he will do something to himself but is it wrong that a tiny part of me thinks if he did that would not be the worst thing. That is such a terrible thing to say about someone I love but the hurt is so raw.have spoken to various family members but feel so alone and lost. My brain is all over the place. Just wanted to write it down.