Anyone else in the same boat?
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Struggling to find any posts about children who got 'the knock', it's very new to us so trying to sort everything out in my head. My son is under 16 and has said it's been going on for years(since he was very young and I was still checking his phone so I'm clearly clueless), he's explained it as an addiction and not an attraction, he seems to know a lot about it, it isn't something I've ever had to try and understand before. Just wondering if anyone knows the processes with children and how it progresses from here? We have a younger child so have had a SS referral and they've rang today. The police were hugely supportive and I'm very grateful for that, we're on the right track for getting him help etc but I'm just wondering what might happen, even worst case scenario.
Thanks in advance
Thanks in advance
Thanks Lee, I've been through the forum and can't seem to find anyone really, just trying to find out where we stand, I'd actually like to know worst case scenario at this stage because the not knowing is the worst, we don't when know if he can return to school.
Hi Itsme
After reading your post I felt the need to reply.
A member of our family was only 16 years old when he had the police turn up to seize his phone for possession of iioc's. This was a terrible shock to all of us and took its toll on the whole family as it was over 13 months before we had a final outcome.
He was fortunate enough to attend Youth Court days before his 18th birthday instead of attending Adult Court. You may wish to contact the national charity, Just for Kids Law, the link being https://www.justforkidslaw.org/what-we-do/fighting-change/campaigning/youth-justice/youth-justice-legal-centre
Our family used them for free support and advise (as we are outside London) but if you are in London I believe they may be able to represent your son, if you wanted them to.
I would also recommend you ring the Stop it Now Helpline or contact them by email. They will be able to offer you support and help as to how your can support your son through this process and what support you need too. The member of our family did the Young Persons Inform Course which I would highly recommend if your son is willing to engage with them.
I hope this information is of some help to you.
After reading your post I felt the need to reply.
A member of our family was only 16 years old when he had the police turn up to seize his phone for possession of iioc's. This was a terrible shock to all of us and took its toll on the whole family as it was over 13 months before we had a final outcome.
He was fortunate enough to attend Youth Court days before his 18th birthday instead of attending Adult Court. You may wish to contact the national charity, Just for Kids Law, the link being https://www.justforkidslaw.org/what-we-do/fighting-change/campaigning/youth-justice/youth-justice-legal-centre
Our family used them for free support and advise (as we are outside London) but if you are in London I believe they may be able to represent your son, if you wanted them to.
I would also recommend you ring the Stop it Now Helpline or contact them by email. They will be able to offer you support and help as to how your can support your son through this process and what support you need too. The member of our family did the Young Persons Inform Course which I would highly recommend if your son is willing to engage with them.
I hope this information is of some help to you.
Alison,
That is hugely helpful, thank you. I've been in touch with the helpline and will be ringing them back next week to book him on a course and have an appointment scheduled for counselling too. I'm more worried about where he'll end up, we are a long way away from sentencing but also a lot way from his 18th. Can I ask what happened to your family member?
Thanks so much for getting back to me x
That is hugely helpful, thank you. I've been in touch with the helpline and will be ringing them back next week to book him on a course and have an appointment scheduled for counselling too. I'm more worried about where he'll end up, we are a long way away from sentencing but also a lot way from his 18th. Can I ask what happened to your family member?
Thanks so much for getting back to me x
Hi Itsme
Our family member received a 'Referral Order ' and is currently under the local Youth Offending team. This type of order can last from 3 months to 12 months and includes rehabilitative and restorative elements.
Hopefully your son will receive a caution. We were hoping our family member would receive a caution as he had never been in any trouble at all at school, let alone the police but unfortunately this was not to be as he had also distrubuted one image to someone else. It is very scary how so much illegal content can be found easily on social media websites.
You could contact your local offending team if you wanted to. This was not something we did for our family member but if you are worried about your son's behaviour it may be something to consider .
This link may be helpful https://www.gov.uk/youth-offending-team
If I think of any more information I will post again.
Take care and look after yourself
Our family member received a 'Referral Order ' and is currently under the local Youth Offending team. This type of order can last from 3 months to 12 months and includes rehabilitative and restorative elements.
Hopefully your son will receive a caution. We were hoping our family member would receive a caution as he had never been in any trouble at all at school, let alone the police but unfortunately this was not to be as he had also distrubuted one image to someone else. It is very scary how so much illegal content can be found easily on social media websites.
You could contact your local offending team if you wanted to. This was not something we did for our family member but if you are worried about your son's behaviour it may be something to consider .
This link may be helpful https://www.gov.uk/youth-offending-team
If I think of any more information I will post again.
Take care and look after yourself
Hi Itsme
This link may be useful to you:-
https://www.justforkidslaw.org/what-we-do/fighting-change/campaigning/youth-justice/information-young-people
It includes a short video on what to expect at a police interview and a short video on what to expect at Youth Court.
This link may be useful to you:-
https://www.justforkidslaw.org/what-we-do/fighting-change/campaigning/youth-justice/information-young-people
It includes a short video on what to expect at a police interview and a short video on what to expect at Youth Court.
Hi Alison,
Thank you so, so much!
I'm not worried about his behaviour, he's always been an easy child, A student etc etc, I'm worried about his mental health, how long this will take and the effect it will have on him. I'm not saying he shouldn't be punished and I'm truly sickened and horrified but he was very, very young when this began. I know he will be punished but its been going on for a very long time and I think there are a number of images so I'm concerned about the punishment. However, I just want to get him help and get him through this, getting him over the addiction and hoping and praying he comes out okay the other side. I just can't see beyond worst case scenario at the moment and it's terrifying.
Thank you so, so much!
I'm not worried about his behaviour, he's always been an easy child, A student etc etc, I'm worried about his mental health, how long this will take and the effect it will have on him. I'm not saying he shouldn't be punished and I'm truly sickened and horrified but he was very, very young when this began. I know he will be punished but its been going on for a very long time and I think there are a number of images so I'm concerned about the punishment. However, I just want to get him help and get him through this, getting him over the addiction and hoping and praying he comes out okay the other side. I just can't see beyond worst case scenario at the moment and it's terrifying.
Hi Itsme
I fully understand your concerns about your son's mental wellbeing, as this can be quite a drawn out process and from our experience we were distressed by the very fact that a young person of 16 years or younger could be stuck in limbo for many months ( in our case over a year) before knowing what the outcome would be, and as a family our hands were tied and the waiting was very hard to deal with.
Have you heard of the charity Young Minds ? Their website is www.youngminds.org.uk
They have a Parents Helpline and can provide you with advice and information on where to get help for a young person up to age 25. If needed they can also provide a one off 50 minute consultation with a mental health professsional so you can get more in depth advice about your situation. Our family did use this service intially to get support as we were all left traumatised by the police visit. Their helpline is 0808 802 5544 from 9.30am-4pm Monday to Friday. We did find them very useful, so it may be worth you giving them a try.
You, your son and your family will get through this - just try and take one day at a time.
Have you considered also speaking to your GP? We didn't go down this route, but lots of people on here have found their GP to be very understanding and supportive.
Take care
I fully understand your concerns about your son's mental wellbeing, as this can be quite a drawn out process and from our experience we were distressed by the very fact that a young person of 16 years or younger could be stuck in limbo for many months ( in our case over a year) before knowing what the outcome would be, and as a family our hands were tied and the waiting was very hard to deal with.
Have you heard of the charity Young Minds ? Their website is www.youngminds.org.uk
They have a Parents Helpline and can provide you with advice and information on where to get help for a young person up to age 25. If needed they can also provide a one off 50 minute consultation with a mental health professsional so you can get more in depth advice about your situation. Our family did use this service intially to get support as we were all left traumatised by the police visit. Their helpline is 0808 802 5544 from 9.30am-4pm Monday to Friday. We did find them very useful, so it may be worth you giving them a try.
You, your son and your family will get through this - just try and take one day at a time.
Have you considered also speaking to your GP? We didn't go down this route, but lots of people on here have found their GP to be very understanding and supportive.
Take care
Thanks again Alison.
We've accessed a lot of information and support and have a lot in place but nothing right now, it's the not knowing that's the killer and the thought of a year makes me feel physically sick. Was your family member able able attend school while awaiting? Were they allocated a social worker? Sorry, just wondering what to prepare ourselves for in the coming weeks/year(s).
You've been so helpful, I can't thank you enough
We've accessed a lot of information and support and have a lot in place but nothing right now, it's the not knowing that's the killer and the thought of a year makes me feel physically sick. Was your family member able able attend school while awaiting? Were they allocated a social worker? Sorry, just wondering what to prepare ourselves for in the coming weeks/year(s).
You've been so helpful, I can't thank you enough
Hi Itsme
The young person in our family did continue with attending school.
The police did not feel there was a need to tell the school either, so to this day the school do not know about any of this. He finished his exams and school in May this year before he was finally charged by the police.
He is the youngest of our family so social services did not need to be involved as there was no children younger than him.
The Youth Offending Team have also not contacted the school as he is no longer at school.
It maybe that your son's school may have to be informed at some point depending on the outcome. Also social services being invloved may mean that the school will be contacted by them, but from our experience the police did not make contact with them at all.
I know the helpline thought it was unusual that the school was not informed, so like so much about these cases, no two cases are the same at all.
Changing the subject, have you got a solicitor or thought about looking? My advice would be make sure that they specialise in Youth Offending (and obviously iioc's) as not all solicitors do. If you are not already aware please make sure your son has a solicitor with him for any police interviews (including voluntary) and you will also be able to attend any interviews with him as his appropriate adult.
I hope this information is of some help and not too overwhelming.
Take care
The young person in our family did continue with attending school.
The police did not feel there was a need to tell the school either, so to this day the school do not know about any of this. He finished his exams and school in May this year before he was finally charged by the police.
He is the youngest of our family so social services did not need to be involved as there was no children younger than him.
The Youth Offending Team have also not contacted the school as he is no longer at school.
It maybe that your son's school may have to be informed at some point depending on the outcome. Also social services being invloved may mean that the school will be contacted by them, but from our experience the police did not make contact with them at all.
I know the helpline thought it was unusual that the school was not informed, so like so much about these cases, no two cases are the same at all.
Changing the subject, have you got a solicitor or thought about looking? My advice would be make sure that they specialise in Youth Offending (and obviously iioc's) as not all solicitors do. If you are not already aware please make sure your son has a solicitor with him for any police interviews (including voluntary) and you will also be able to attend any interviews with him as his appropriate adult.
I hope this information is of some help and not too overwhelming.
Take care
Hi Alison,
Not overwhelming at all, just helpful. The police did not contact school but the sw assumed they would, I have though and they've been very good as I know ss will and I'd rather be a step ahead really. We've spoken to a solicitor briefly regarding representing us and they specialise in iioc but not sure about youth offending, I'll ask that on Monday. I will be making sure we are represented at first interview and all subsequent contacts. I suspect I will be deemed a protective factor and pray he has no major restrictions placed upon him but I am working off worst case for everything and as this had been going on for three + years since he was very, very young I'm worried about amount of content and distribution as well as how desensitised he will have become and it being described by him as more addictive in nature and about the adrenaline than anything else and therefore difficult to replace, particularly if he is feeling low and like there is no point. Sorry, serious verbal diarrhoea from me tonight. You've been so, so helpful and I can't thank you enough. Xx
Not overwhelming at all, just helpful. The police did not contact school but the sw assumed they would, I have though and they've been very good as I know ss will and I'd rather be a step ahead really. We've spoken to a solicitor briefly regarding representing us and they specialise in iioc but not sure about youth offending, I'll ask that on Monday. I will be making sure we are represented at first interview and all subsequent contacts. I suspect I will be deemed a protective factor and pray he has no major restrictions placed upon him but I am working off worst case for everything and as this had been going on for three + years since he was very, very young I'm worried about amount of content and distribution as well as how desensitised he will have become and it being described by him as more addictive in nature and about the adrenaline than anything else and therefore difficult to replace, particularly if he is feeling low and like there is no point. Sorry, serious verbal diarrhoea from me tonight. You've been so, so helpful and I can't thank you enough. Xx
Hi Itsme
Please try not to worry (easier said than done).
It is very positive that your son is communicating openly with you about this. It is also positive that you have approached the school and told them to be one step ahead of SS. It is good that the school is being supportive - I think this probably goes on more than we realise, but no one talks about it.
The only reason we did not tell the school was that we knew that the young member of our family would be too embarrassed to attend school if his teachers knew and attending school was very important to his wellbeing. I suppose we were fortunate to have that choice.
If I do think of anything else that I think could help. I will post it here.
Very Best Wishes
Please try not to worry (easier said than done).
It is very positive that your son is communicating openly with you about this. It is also positive that you have approached the school and told them to be one step ahead of SS. It is good that the school is being supportive - I think this probably goes on more than we realise, but no one talks about it.
The only reason we did not tell the school was that we knew that the young member of our family would be too embarrassed to attend school if his teachers knew and attending school was very important to his wellbeing. I suppose we were fortunate to have that choice.
If I do think of anything else that I think could help. I will post it here.
Very Best Wishes
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Hi Grace,
Thank you for this! I think that this has been going on longer than the police suspected so I don't know what will happen in that regard, I am preparing myself for worst case scenario though, I guess it'll take them quite a while to get back to us from what they said and what I've read. I am more than unhappy with any idea of splitting my family, my son is 14, he can't be 'sent away' from us when he needs help. The alternative is probably us renting somewhere nearby, spending days together and alternating nights with him but this is difficult too as we have other children and that will have a huge impact on us as a couple, I think we can maybe make the house workable but I really, really want him to be able to go back to school, this may be my biggest fight but school are supportive so fingers crossed.
I've rang the stop it now helpline and have the reform course in the pipeline as well as a child psychologist/counselling. Also trying to figure out legal representation, bit disappointed in their ability to get back to me so far.
I hope your son is doing well xx
Thank you for this! I think that this has been going on longer than the police suspected so I don't know what will happen in that regard, I am preparing myself for worst case scenario though, I guess it'll take them quite a while to get back to us from what they said and what I've read. I am more than unhappy with any idea of splitting my family, my son is 14, he can't be 'sent away' from us when he needs help. The alternative is probably us renting somewhere nearby, spending days together and alternating nights with him but this is difficult too as we have other children and that will have a huge impact on us as a couple, I think we can maybe make the house workable but I really, really want him to be able to go back to school, this may be my biggest fight but school are supportive so fingers crossed.
I've rang the stop it now helpline and have the reform course in the pipeline as well as a child psychologist/counselling. Also trying to figure out legal representation, bit disappointed in their ability to get back to me so far.
I hope your son is doing well xx
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Hi Grace Hush
After reading your post I felt the need to reply to you. I am so sorry to hear that your 17 year old son has been unable to stay in the family home over the last seven months due to the bail conditions the police put in place. I can not imagine how much extra stress this has put on you, your son and the family.
I really hope that the case is resolved before your son reaches his 18th birthday, so that he can be treated as a youth in the justice system.
Take care of yourself.
After reading your post I felt the need to reply to you. I am so sorry to hear that your 17 year old son has been unable to stay in the family home over the last seven months due to the bail conditions the police put in place. I can not imagine how much extra stress this has put on you, your son and the family.
I really hope that the case is resolved before your son reaches his 18th birthday, so that he can be treated as a youth in the justice system.
Take care of yourself.
Hi Alison,
It's been horrendous indeed but one step at a time and all that.
Unfortunately my son has already reached his 18th birthday.
I never knew someone could be tried as an adult for crimes committed as a child before this. Seems so unfair and irrational.
It's been horrendous indeed but one step at a time and all that.
Unfortunately my son has already reached his 18th birthday.
I never knew someone could be tried as an adult for crimes committed as a child before this. Seems so unfair and irrational.
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Itsme I was just wondering what the outcome was with your son? As I am in a similar situation. Thank you