2yrs and 3 months later
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It's been a long time since I last posted on here, as it's taken so long for the process to near an end, my husband admitted guilty last week and is set for crown court for sentancing next month.
he had chats with an uncover police office posing as a child and he sent her illicit photos of himself, also sexual chat with another under 16yr old who was in America and can't be traced.
I was coping with supporting him as I believed it was a one off as he had told me it was, I organised counselling for him with a specialist SA councillor, he willingly went to see them, but then when I heard all the details read out in court,I couldn't bear to look at him, our children are adults. We have no dependants, cps are seeking custodial, it's the first time in all our 32yrs together I have ever felt disgust for my husband and I don't know what to do.
he had chats with an uncover police office posing as a child and he sent her illicit photos of himself, also sexual chat with another under 16yr old who was in America and can't be traced.
I was coping with supporting him as I believed it was a one off as he had told me it was, I organised counselling for him with a specialist SA councillor, he willingly went to see them, but then when I heard all the details read out in court,I couldn't bear to look at him, our children are adults. We have no dependants, cps are seeking custodial, it's the first time in all our 32yrs together I have ever felt disgust for my husband and I don't know what to do.
Staffy,
I'm so sorry to hear this. My now ex-partner lied to me and I stood by him for 18 months before learning the truth. The shock of the betrayal after everything else was almost too much to bear. I felt worthless and stupid and taken advantage of as well as disgusted and horrified by what he'd done. Until this point I'd had hope for the future and was just completely overwhelmed and bewildered and I still can hardly believe that he would do that to me.
But I did manage to bear it, to say its not been easy is an understatement and I still have really bad days but I am slowly getting there. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Xxxxx
I'm so sorry to hear this. My now ex-partner lied to me and I stood by him for 18 months before learning the truth. The shock of the betrayal after everything else was almost too much to bear. I felt worthless and stupid and taken advantage of as well as disgusted and horrified by what he'd done. Until this point I'd had hope for the future and was just completely overwhelmed and bewildered and I still can hardly believe that he would do that to me.
But I did manage to bear it, to say its not been easy is an understatement and I still have really bad days but I am slowly getting there. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Xxxxx
I can empathise with you both, it took 16 weeks before my husband confessed. Before that I too thought there was hope this would be resolved quickly and the charges would be dropped, but since he told me I am struggling to see where our marriage will end up. I'm still with him but have told him I feel we are just house mates. The thought of ever being intimate with him makes me feel sick,
I am having to tell my parents and sister this weekend that he has now been charged and has a plea hearing in 2 weeks, I know they will expect me to leave him and chose between the family or him. I have so much anxiety about having that conversation.
Its all just so unfair, we didn't ask for any of this, yet we are the ones trying to hold everything together.
Staffy, our stories are similar, husband charged with communication x2, his solicitor and charging PO has said they would expect a suspended sentence (we are in North West).
I am having to tell my parents and sister this weekend that he has now been charged and has a plea hearing in 2 weeks, I know they will expect me to leave him and chose between the family or him. I have so much anxiety about having that conversation.
Its all just so unfair, we didn't ask for any of this, yet we are the ones trying to hold everything together.
Staffy, our stories are similar, husband charged with communication x2, his solicitor and charging PO has said they would expect a suspended sentence (we are in North West).
Thank you for your replies, we are still living in the same house, luckily I have a spare bedroom that is now his.For the moment I have no choice other than have him in the house due to financial reasons and bail conditions. He has attempted suicide and is recieving help from doctors.I have told our boys (both adults who live abroad) and they want nothing more to do with him. I am yet to tell my parents and other family members. (Also north west) I just feel so empty, disgusted with him, disgusted with myself for missing how this could of happened. I'm so angry and hurt. And I'm worried about what I have to face in the weeks ahead.
Staffy, I feel the same, how could we have been living under the same roof and not notice!? It upsets me to think that they are obviously very good at covering up and lying..... Which then make me wonder, what else don't I know!?
Mw.. it's so hard.. I feel your pain with you, I've had 2 1/2 yrs of living with this, asking time after time if he had told me the truth, he swore he had, then to sit alone in court as his only support and to hear that he hadn't been truthful, he promised me it was a stupid one off, a one off that I found out to be three episodes of chat and photos, 2 with undercover officer and one who can't be traced, and it pains me to say that I still love him I also hate him so much but after finding him with a noose ready made after he went missing, cry for help maybe, but how can I be sure. I've been signed off work for a month, I'm customer facing and I really can't cope, I'm telling my parents this weekend,better they know before it hits social media.
I'm NW too!
It was indecent images for my ex. He swore he hadn't done it. Said worse could possibly have been 16& 17 year olds that he didn't know were younger or downloaded in the background. I asked him to tell me the truth and I'd decide if I could stand by him but said if he lied that was us done. 18 months of lies and deceit. It was thousands and much younger.
I too wonder if he could lie so convincingly when I was watching his every move what else had he lied about.
So unfair that we have to deal with this and they get all the help. I know its essential to stop them reoffending but still seems so unfair.
Hugs to you both x
It was indecent images for my ex. He swore he hadn't done it. Said worse could possibly have been 16& 17 year olds that he didn't know were younger or downloaded in the background. I asked him to tell me the truth and I'd decide if I could stand by him but said if he lied that was us done. 18 months of lies and deceit. It was thousands and much younger.
I too wonder if he could lie so convincingly when I was watching his every move what else had he lied about.
So unfair that we have to deal with this and they get all the help. I know its essential to stop them reoffending but still seems so unfair.
Hugs to you both x
Beccy, I totally agree. They get all the help they want (and need) but we are left with very little support. I've tried the helpline once but didn't find it much use at all, just really reiterated what I already knew, also don't much fancy the thought of attending a group support group. We are just left with our lives shattered, trying hard to keep it all together for everyone else.
I am in the same situation Staffy, sending big hugs.
My husband is now in prison from an undercover sting (online sexual communication) and it's truly devastating for those left on the outside.
I'm off work too - I've come to realise there is no shame in taking time to recover from the likely worst time of your life. My stress and anxiety is through the roof and I'm working with a counsellor to try to make sense of it all. I have a little boy and the press around the sentencing has been the biggest blow after waiting 13mths for the sentencing following the knock. It feels like a never ending nightmare.
We'll get through it as we have done nothing wrong. I cling to that daily, I'm not responsible for someone else's actions. I just feel in limbo while I try to process it all.
My husband is now in prison from an undercover sting (online sexual communication) and it's truly devastating for those left on the outside.
I'm off work too - I've come to realise there is no shame in taking time to recover from the likely worst time of your life. My stress and anxiety is through the roof and I'm working with a counsellor to try to make sense of it all. I have a little boy and the press around the sentencing has been the biggest blow after waiting 13mths for the sentencing following the knock. It feels like a never ending nightmare.
We'll get through it as we have done nothing wrong. I cling to that daily, I'm not responsible for someone else's actions. I just feel in limbo while I try to process it all.
It's a great help to hear I'm not alone, I may take take a while to respond to my replies as I'm really struggling with my feelings.
I don't know how any of this is going to play out for me yet, my future is on hold until crown court and sentancing.
I have no children, my boys are grown up and have moved abroad, I have grandchildren that I see twice a year, he is no longer allowed to see them and that's my daughter in laws decision and I have to abide by that.
some of my family now know, devided reactions as expected.
it was 3 conversations but 2 photos of him were sent to the undercover police and 1 of the American girl (who can't be traced) that she sent him were exchanged so I really don't know what will happen at sentancing.
Counselling was sought after original arrest, I don't know if that will make a difference to sentencing.
I am like us all at a loss as to why this has happened, but each day I feel a little stronger, like others have said... we didn't do this they did. Thank you all for your replies. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
I don't know how any of this is going to play out for me yet, my future is on hold until crown court and sentancing.
I have no children, my boys are grown up and have moved abroad, I have grandchildren that I see twice a year, he is no longer allowed to see them and that's my daughter in laws decision and I have to abide by that.
some of my family now know, devided reactions as expected.
it was 3 conversations but 2 photos of him were sent to the undercover police and 1 of the American girl (who can't be traced) that she sent him were exchanged so I really don't know what will happen at sentancing.
Counselling was sought after original arrest, I don't know if that will make a difference to sentencing.
I am like us all at a loss as to why this has happened, but each day I feel a little stronger, like others have said... we didn't do this they did. Thank you all for your replies. It's nice to know I'm not alone.