Sentencing... should I go?
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His sentencing date has finally come around, 2 and a half years after the first Knock. In that time we've been through so much, I've done my best to be there for him through it all, but it's been incredibly tough. As of next week, we'll also have our decree absolute.
We're still living together, but very much seperate, and what we do moving forwards I guess is also dependent on the outcome - there's a fair chance he might get a custodial sentence. My dilemma is, whether I should go to the hearing?
This will be his third, not including the magistrates.
I attended the magistrates, and first crown court, and getting him signed on the register. (also booking/arranging all the travel (we're quite remote), directions, etc, because although they're his appointments, if I didn't, he wouldn't).
I missed the second crown court because the date fell on a holiday my sister and I had booked (first time I've seen her due to covid as she lives a long distance away). She doesn't know about the case, and I don't want her to (among other things, she has issues with severe anxiety and doesn't need anything else on her plate), and, given I wasn't inclined to put myself through another court date (which we already know wouldn't be the last, as his barrister had told us as much), I went with her. I contacted him on the evening to check in and he 'forgot' to get back to me, and wouldn't talk when i called the following day either.
He recently said that I should have considered the importance of not going on holiday vs not going to his trial, and he'll always remember that I didn't go to support him.
I don't know the liklihood of the sentence becasue he still won't talk to me about the last hearing, only saying it was a "long hard day" and then falling into a miserable silence.
So. Do I go to the sentencing? Besides the fear of press (the first two were press-free, we might not be so lucky this time), I don't know if I want to put myself through what I know will be a horribly stressful and upsetting day. I know it will be horrible for him if I'm not there, I can put myself in his shoes and see that, but is it worth my mental health to support his? and avoid more petty snides about my not being there.
I so want this to be over, however it goes, so we can move on! I reaslise as I'm typing this it's as much a weight of my chest to say these things 'out loud', although I'm no further decided than before!
We're still living together, but very much seperate, and what we do moving forwards I guess is also dependent on the outcome - there's a fair chance he might get a custodial sentence. My dilemma is, whether I should go to the hearing?
This will be his third, not including the magistrates.
I attended the magistrates, and first crown court, and getting him signed on the register. (also booking/arranging all the travel (we're quite remote), directions, etc, because although they're his appointments, if I didn't, he wouldn't).
I missed the second crown court because the date fell on a holiday my sister and I had booked (first time I've seen her due to covid as she lives a long distance away). She doesn't know about the case, and I don't want her to (among other things, she has issues with severe anxiety and doesn't need anything else on her plate), and, given I wasn't inclined to put myself through another court date (which we already know wouldn't be the last, as his barrister had told us as much), I went with her. I contacted him on the evening to check in and he 'forgot' to get back to me, and wouldn't talk when i called the following day either.
He recently said that I should have considered the importance of not going on holiday vs not going to his trial, and he'll always remember that I didn't go to support him.
I don't know the liklihood of the sentence becasue he still won't talk to me about the last hearing, only saying it was a "long hard day" and then falling into a miserable silence.
So. Do I go to the sentencing? Besides the fear of press (the first two were press-free, we might not be so lucky this time), I don't know if I want to put myself through what I know will be a horribly stressful and upsetting day. I know it will be horrible for him if I'm not there, I can put myself in his shoes and see that, but is it worth my mental health to support his? and avoid more petty snides about my not being there.
I so want this to be over, however it goes, so we can move on! I reaslise as I'm typing this it's as much a weight of my chest to say these things 'out loud', although I'm no further decided than before!
Hi,
I think u need to do wat is right for u and not wat is right for him, u both have different roads to go down and both as stressful as the other xx sending love and hugs to u xx
I think u need to do wat is right for u and not wat is right for him, u both have different roads to go down and both as stressful as the other xx sending love and hugs to u xx
It is totally up to you. I went with some of his family members which helped me tbh. But what I didn't know (because I was aware of this forum before sentencing) was that in my partners case they mentioned the worst of what they found. Not in great detail but enough to make you feel sick.
My partner did warn me of the scale of his offending but told me he could not remember it all, since it was 1000s and some he never opened etc. I thought I was prepared but when I heard the judge describe the offending I felt lied to and foolish tbh.
My partner did warn me of the scale of his offending but told me he could not remember it all, since it was 1000s and some he never opened etc. I thought I was prepared but when I heard the judge describe the offending I felt lied to and foolish tbh.
Hi majestic,
Thank you for that information as I didn't no that either, I so wish I had found this site before, I feel we may have been better warned x
Thank you for that information as I didn't no that either, I so wish I had found this site before, I feel we may have been better warned x
I know about it, he's always been honest and I know his mental health also played a massive part. But like majestictopaz he had 1000s and says he doesn't know/can't remember what they were, and deleted the worst straight away. I don't want to hear the details.
I didn't attend court, my partner had told me all the charges, he didn't want me to attend and to be honest I didn't, I waited outside, the media unfortunately where there though it did take them 2 days to be online and 4 to be in local press, the worst details where reported, words where changed from what had been said in court also the fact my partner had deleted everything straight away, and other things weren't mentioned, also the p word was screamed in the headline, his PO report said in his opinion my partner looked at the images for risk, I understand they have the right to report and my partner did very wrong, they really sensationalised however,
Thanks all. I think I might go, but not into the courtroom, but wait outside. I guess that way I'll be there to know the outcome straight away but won't hear the horrible details.
Kls, I waited outside the court itself, I noticed a press photographer hiding and taking photos of people coming out, it might be worth you coming out separately,
I felt I had to go. I wasn't entirely convinced my husband had been fully open with me about the exact nature of his crime and wanted to hear it for myself.
Good job I did (his family were on holiday and couldn't attend) as he got an immediate custodial sentence of 15mths - no one would have known where he was.
It was deeply unpleasant and stressful hearing the crime in detail, but there wasn't anything I hadn't prepared for and on reflection, it was the right thing for me. There were no press due to COvID but unfortunately, as it was a police sting, the court or the police (unsure which) released the info to the press and a horrible article complete with photo appeared 2 weeks after sentencing. It did focus on the worst elements and to be honest, the article has been one of the most upsetting parts of this whole process. I'm 2 mths passed the publication and it's still deeply humiliating, you don't know who knows/who doesn't, I also found out an ex-friend took it upon herself to share it far and wide online with our mutual acquaintances. It's insidious - it keeps coming up and more people keep finding out. I find this really difficult to cope with.
I'm currently off work with stress and anxiety and just trying to hold it together for my little boy. It's really hard and worrying about impending financial stress as he's got no wage now and also a slight fear of retribution still lingers.
If you do go, I'd suggest going in/out of court separately. Before you go to court if there is any chance he might be given a custodial sentence, arrange for you to have access to his banking, separate any joint accounts if possible and tie up as much financially as possible. Also close down his Facebook/social media profiles to prevent abuse or his image/name being searched/linked back to you if a press article might be likely. We did some of this, but not all of it as we honestly didn't think he was looking at a custodial sentence. His solicitor/barrister lead us to believe it'd be suspended, but it's down to the judge on the day.
Good luck, head up and remember, you've done nothing wrong.
Good job I did (his family were on holiday and couldn't attend) as he got an immediate custodial sentence of 15mths - no one would have known where he was.
It was deeply unpleasant and stressful hearing the crime in detail, but there wasn't anything I hadn't prepared for and on reflection, it was the right thing for me. There were no press due to COvID but unfortunately, as it was a police sting, the court or the police (unsure which) released the info to the press and a horrible article complete with photo appeared 2 weeks after sentencing. It did focus on the worst elements and to be honest, the article has been one of the most upsetting parts of this whole process. I'm 2 mths passed the publication and it's still deeply humiliating, you don't know who knows/who doesn't, I also found out an ex-friend took it upon herself to share it far and wide online with our mutual acquaintances. It's insidious - it keeps coming up and more people keep finding out. I find this really difficult to cope with.
I'm currently off work with stress and anxiety and just trying to hold it together for my little boy. It's really hard and worrying about impending financial stress as he's got no wage now and also a slight fear of retribution still lingers.
If you do go, I'd suggest going in/out of court separately. Before you go to court if there is any chance he might be given a custodial sentence, arrange for you to have access to his banking, separate any joint accounts if possible and tie up as much financially as possible. Also close down his Facebook/social media profiles to prevent abuse or his image/name being searched/linked back to you if a press article might be likely. We did some of this, but not all of it as we honestly didn't think he was looking at a custodial sentence. His solicitor/barrister lead us to believe it'd be suspended, but it's down to the judge on the day.
Good luck, head up and remember, you've done nothing wrong.