Same argument over and over again
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Is anyone else having the same argument about why they did it? Nothing ever adds up. I have seen the police report, character references from therapists and inform plus and still don't get why they were looking at it in the first place?
I'm trying to stay with them but the same argument everyday is burning me out.
I'm trying to stay with them but the same argument everyday is burning me out.
Hi
Have you thought about some couples therapy or counselling? Might help you both to move on one way or another.
Good luck
Have you thought about some couples therapy or counselling? Might help you both to move on one way or another.
Good luck
What does the assessments say? And I feel like if they did it for a long time (my partner was in and off for ten years) that it is hard to 'go back' as to why.
It can be so hard to pinpoint the exact reasons, for many it just kinda grows. My partner wasnt abused as far as I am aware. He has a reckless nature and got deeper into taboo pornography. He was insecure too and so liked getting attention from people online. Knew if he posed as a teen he would get more attention. It became a horrible online world, escapism in one of the worst kinds- exploiting the vulnerable.
But on the outside he seems normal guy. You can't tell be looking at someone. I feel the police and probation system assume offenders are not well educated and low skilled- if their options of training is anything to go by.
Maybe it is best to speak to your partner to see if they will be more open. There are many types of assessments that can be done for offenders but they all have different focus points and criteria.
It can be so hard to pinpoint the exact reasons, for many it just kinda grows. My partner wasnt abused as far as I am aware. He has a reckless nature and got deeper into taboo pornography. He was insecure too and so liked getting attention from people online. Knew if he posed as a teen he would get more attention. It became a horrible online world, escapism in one of the worst kinds- exploiting the vulnerable.
But on the outside he seems normal guy. You can't tell be looking at someone. I feel the police and probation system assume offenders are not well educated and low skilled- if their options of training is anything to go by.
Maybe it is best to speak to your partner to see if they will be more open. There are many types of assessments that can be done for offenders but they all have different focus points and criteria.
Our situation is a strange one. He came about IIOC before his interest in legal pornography. He was accidentally sent IIOC at the age of 12 through a well known chat website which most young people used at the time and once he knew how to get porn that was his age group then it became the start of his interest and his porn addiction. He'd originally watch it as an escape from emotional abuse by his parent. But what I don't get is why was he still using these means to get porn now as a 20 odd year old? Unless it because he's interested in younger people.
He says that not everything was illegal but the majority was and he was only interested in the legal stuff but it literally sounds like complete bull as there's sooo many legal porn websites out there. The police said the exact same thing in the first interview.
Background knowledge for reference! First time offender. He had almost 4000 images, 900 cat A and 7 extreme. All ages as the 'links' sent were random, some links could have 1 cat C photo, others could be 900 cat A. Possession and distribution. His crown court is next month.
He says that not everything was illegal but the majority was and he was only interested in the legal stuff but it literally sounds like complete bull as there's sooo many legal porn websites out there. The police said the exact same thing in the first interview.
Background knowledge for reference! First time offender. He had almost 4000 images, 900 cat A and 7 extreme. All ages as the 'links' sent were random, some links could have 1 cat C photo, others could be 900 cat A. Possession and distribution. His crown court is next month.
Yeah it is so hard
The whole rabbit hill theory etc but what I struggle is why would this lead to someone getting hooked on videos so extreme with murder content etc
Now this is extreme content, they know they are in the wrong so I struggle to accept this sort of behaviour comes from an addiction to porn right?? Anyone have any ideas? I just don't really want to see this person again but I know at some point we will have to, like I get they are rehabilitating their life but they have given no explanation for their behaviour or why they were collecting such content.
The whole rabbit hill theory etc but what I struggle is why would this lead to someone getting hooked on videos so extreme with murder content etc
Now this is extreme content, they know they are in the wrong so I struggle to accept this sort of behaviour comes from an addiction to porn right?? Anyone have any ideas? I just don't really want to see this person again but I know at some point we will have to, like I get they are rehabilitating their life but they have given no explanation for their behaviour or why they were collecting such content.
Thank you
I have spoken to the offender who still refuses to explain the actions and what I understand starts deflecting about other issues in the past - I have spoken to the helpline and they confirm these "issues" would not make someone turn to the crimes, they said they could be on the autism spectrum which could explain why they don't show remorse.
So I don't think anyone will ever know!
I have spoken to the offender who still refuses to explain the actions and what I understand starts deflecting about other issues in the past - I have spoken to the helpline and they confirm these "issues" would not make someone turn to the crimes, they said they could be on the autism spectrum which could explain why they don't show remorse.
So I don't think anyone will ever know!
dino2828
I completely get you.
The hardest bit for me is the fact that he's in denial that he even looked at them. He wants me to believe that when he was 14 he looked and them but when he got caught and the years before that he 'apparently' didn't look at them even though he continued to search for them, download and distribute thousands.
It's just bollocks. I understand what a porn addiction is, I know that people get in this rabbit hole. What I don't understand is why you'd literally do it and still pretend you didn't? No matter how many conversations, joint and separate therapy sessions, documentaries, books I read, I still don't get the compulsive lying. Honestly blows my mind and if he just let me understand what happened and why then I genuinely think I could get through it or at least get closure.
I completely get you.
The hardest bit for me is the fact that he's in denial that he even looked at them. He wants me to believe that when he was 14 he looked and them but when he got caught and the years before that he 'apparently' didn't look at them even though he continued to search for them, download and distribute thousands.
It's just bollocks. I understand what a porn addiction is, I know that people get in this rabbit hole. What I don't understand is why you'd literally do it and still pretend you didn't? No matter how many conversations, joint and separate therapy sessions, documentaries, books I read, I still don't get the compulsive lying. Honestly blows my mind and if he just let me understand what happened and why then I genuinely think I could get through it or at least get closure.
My partner discussed reasons why with his probation officer, he said it started out as a distraction at a really bad time in my partners life, unfortunately over time it needed more to distract he said he looked at all sorts of different porn at this time, interestingly he never searched for any child images, however having joined KIK they were readily available, I really do think it's a very very slippy slope, very easy for the police to gain a conviction, this is by no means an excuse he has children, heli realised what he was doing and stopped before he met me and before the knock he has been honest with me right through, he has so much remorse, he has addressed his issues, he is working on triggers to ensure it never happens again, I don't think I will understand how this man I love could have done such an awful awful thing, I do believe a person is not defined by one thing it is very very hard to put into practice though, love to all